Some women avoid receiving oral sex. Maybe it’s self-consciousness, a prior negative experience, or just ambivalence. But please, give it another chance. Give it lots of chances. Give it every chance. When oral sex works, it’s good. We just have to make it work.
1. Talk about it. Couples think that talking things out in the heat of the moment is unsexy, and it can be. But you know what’s less sexy? Two people not enjoying themselves because they don’t want to voice their opinions. No guy is going to stand up and run out of the room screaming “Fuck this noise!” if you give him a suggestion about what to do with his tongue or fingers. “A little to the left,” “softer,” or “faster” are all good, direct options. If you’re still self-conscious, try saying it in a sultry whisper. I’d listen to an audiobook called “Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Using Quicken” if it was read in a sultry whisper.
2. Physical cues work, too. We’re not (that) stupid. If you’re moaning, arching your back or pulling our hair, we’re going to keep doing what we’re doing. Positive reinforcement works when we’re doing something well. On the flip side, don’t fake it if we’re not doing a good job. It might make us feel good in the short term, but we’re only going to do the same thing next time, and if we don’t learn, you don’t come, and then no one’s happy.
3. Guys want you to come. PRO TIP: If you’re dating a guy who doesn’t care if you come, break up with him right now. Don’t be self-conscious about how much time he spends down there. He’s going to feel a lot better having made you orgasm than he will coming up for air. But do return the favor. Personally, I don’t like to leave the bedroom until both parties are satisfied.
4. Every vagina is beautifully, wonderfully, different. It might take a while for him to get a handle on what’s going on down there and how to work it in the right way. Relaxing and not worrying about whether or not something is going to happen is surprisingly liberating. There’s a reason Frankie Goes to Hollywood was one of the best voices of our generation. Also, don’t feel like you have to squirt. It’s usually tough to tell anyway, depending on how wet you are. On the other hand (tongue?) don’t be afraid to squirt, either. I once did a backflip I was so amped that I successfully made a girl squirt. Just let your vagina do your vagina.
5. Oral is a great warm-up for sex. Don’t worry if it feels good but you don’t come. It can still enhance the rest of the experience. There’s a reason it’s considered foreplay.
6. You might think vagina is gross/weird/smelly, but guys don’t. We think vaginas are awesome. No, we are not lying to you. Yeah, vaginas smell, but in a good way. Just make sure you don’t douche (it’s unhealthy) and shower regularly and you’re not going to have anything to worry about.
7. If you still feel weird about having the focus on you, sixty-nine. It’s a good way to get everyone involved. Just keep in mind it’s going to make it a lot more difficult to give instructions. Also, if you’re worried about having your butt in his face, see the point directly above this one but replace the word “vagina” with “butthole.”
The most important thing to keep in mind is that oral should be natural and comfortable, so follow these tips and adjust accordingly.