(Help) Been dating girlfriend for nearly 1 year, she’s too scared to have sex, what can I do?
We have talked about it multiple times but I never wanna seem like i’m pushing her into it at all. But it’s really killing me. We’re both virgins and I don’t know what I can say to her. She’s afraid of p r e g nancy and it being her first time doesn’t help and stuff. I’m feeling pretty stuck and frustrated but never wanna show her those emotions because I don’t want her to feel bad.
Spoonbills: She’s not ready, OP.
kallisti_gold: Your options are to wait for her to be comfortable, which might not be anytime soon, or leave her to search for someone who you can have a sexual relationship with.
Martian_Queen: I’m going to be honest, I am 17 and I have female friends. A lot of them don’t know their sexuality and idk, just do shit because of their boyfriend. Some didn’t have the guts to speak up to say what they want or like or even to say stuff it hurting. Not saying that will happen to you, but idk if she isn’t ready she isn’t. But then again those people were really eh, like girls don’t get off and shouldn’t receive oral or be fingered and sex is only for the guys pleasure. EYE ROLL.
We used a condom and he didn’t even finish but my period was never regular and I still panicked about it. Also have you talked about birth control? statistics and stuff? Scarleteen is good for that. Also I made sure what would happen if an accident did occur, and we were on the same page. Which is a lil ehh but I was hella anxious about pregnancy. I even looked up abortion cost and the nearest clinic and this probably isn’t helping you but idk. I always think the absolute worst scenario and then the absolute best.
imp_of_santa: Will she engage in non-procreative sex play? If so, she is genuinely afraid of pregnancy and two things will help: reliable contraception (a little) and time (a lot).
If not, then the pregnancy fear is a blind: she’s afraid of or dislikes sex, and she won’t even be honest about it, so she’s unlikely to overcome that problem until her 20s, at the earliest. Act accordingly.
meltallica82: Don’t push. Be patient and wait until she’s ready. That’s basically your only option.
foreowetoofun: Does she drink? Don’t get her drunk. But find a way to mix a drink and some laughs to loosen her up. And then focus on making her feel good. She’s a human, she respond to your affection and one thing will lead to another.
Additionally, if you’re not already, get her comfortable with being naked around you. Walk around naked constantly. Cuddle with her naked. The fewer barriers you have the quicker she can go from 0-60 and act on her own sexual impulse.
Just don’t force things. Last thing you want her to feel is regret when it’s over. You set the stage, but let her be the one to initiate the actual penetration. It’s like when Hitch says you go 90 and let her come 10. Don’t jump the gun, she has to go that 10. Retaining agency is very important for a girl in these situations.