My Friend Offered To Eat Me Out? How Do You Approach This?
This is my first post really, so bear with me. Me (17F) and my friend (18M) we’re having a conversation late at night. I feel comfortable around him, and so I felt ok with telling him about my sexual frustrations. Now, I expected him to just kinda brush it off, but he showed genuine interest. He said he’d gladly get rid of some of the stress by performing oral on me (no penetration—he’s saving himself, which I respect).
A little history if this helps. We’ve been friends since middle school through high school. Out of all of my friends, he’s kept by my side the longest and I’ve always loved him for that. In the past we both liked each other (we even pursued a relationship, but i decided not to as were going to separate schools and that doesn’t seem fair for either of us). We’ve always been open even after cutting off ties, but this is the first time he’s offered.
I still have feelings for him, but my sexual appetite is a bit excessive. I’m not sure I’d be fine with just oral, but I digress. What I’m unsure about is whether or not I should pursue this or not? I still care about him and he still cares about me, but I’m human and I’m only human. Would it be safe to pursue this or will it do more damage than it’s worth? I’m not sure you can be fwb with someone you still care about.
nastyamerican: Throughout your life you’re going to find yourself asking this question over and over again. Waiting for that perfect set of circumstances to take an emotional risk with someone. Circumstances are rarely ever perfect. And even when they are, you sometimes get blindsided by things outside your control.
BiscuitFunk: Sounds like you guys should just be dating.
throwawayhairyguy69: If you don’t think you’d be able to separate the emotion, and he isn’t wanting to become emotionally involved again, I don’t think it’d be a good idea.
Kushisadog: You guys should go for it. You will have a good time, and you might regret not doing it when your older
notsoinsaneguy: You don’t need to fully separate the emotion if you’re able to handle the fact that you know it’s not more than it is. You guys are still good friends, and doing sex stuff together could possibly lead to being better friends. You need to know yourself and know whether or not you can handle a sexual friendship without expecting it to turn into a relationship.
Kleonard23: Yes, you should sit on his face. In return, give him a BJ. Who knows, he may let you deflower him.
gandhikahn: I ended up dating my FWB and we are still together 6 years later.
fulanoderock: You’re young, have fun and let him munch on you lol. If you both have feelings and fall in love then great. If not then no big deal, you have college to worry about along with a bunch of guys to flirt with.
Truthfully though, if I offered oral to my friend it would mean I have some sort of feelings for her. It’s a pretty intimate thing in my book.
My 15 year relationship started with us just making out as friends since we were both out of relationships and look at us now! We even survived going to different colleges since we deeply loved each other.
Zoup: I’ve posted this answer before but here it is again. Friend will have one of five outcomes.
You have sex, you wind up together.
You have sex, you stay friends.
You have sex, you don’t stay friends.
You don’t have sex, you stay friends.
You don’t have sex, you don’t stay friends.
GorditaChuleta: Well if it we’re me and I felt comfortable with em and you knew for a fact they’re saving themselves for marriage I’d see that as small safety net. I’d sit him down and tell him “here are my terms, just the oral, it changes nothing, we can still be good friends, I date, you date”. If you’re ok with it and he can agree after really thinking abt it, try it. If it’s just him giving you a nice clit orgasm take it. If you want to reciprocate then that’s another discussion. If you want more to it like something inside you then see if he wants to add toys. Have fun with it.
thebeestitties: I say go for it!
Can you keep us posted on your decision?
normalboyz1: Only you can judge his personality. Obviously you’re the one that turn him down. If he’s eating you out will he end up wanting more in the end (PIV)? Will he pursue a romantic relationship with you? Or is he mature enough to see this are just sex only relationship. Will you develop feelings after he go down on you? And are you going to be ok with it?
For me personally, I’ll probably do it as oral doesn’t have same level of intimacy as PIV. And I’ll put disclaimer to him that this just for sex. So he won’t get his hopes up and if in the end you fall for him then you guys can start to talk about it.
hooplala822: Hi, just wanted to share some perspective. You seem very mature and carry yourself well on here. I appreciate you for reaching out to the community. I don’t offer advice but I want you to be happy. I support your freedom to choose because ultimately, you live with the consequences. You want to make an informed decision so here goes:
Considering what I’ve seen here (and sure, I have to consider that it’s just your side of the story. Not saying you’re dishonest in any way, just have to keep it a consideration for logic’s sake) you seem like the more “masculine” one. Not manly, but the dynamic between you two seems to be that you’re the more aggressive, outspoken one. I bet you two compliment each other well.
You mention respecting his desire to save himself for marriage, which seems like pursuing oral pleasure is playing with fire. As you said, you think it might escalate to penetration and are likely right because you want it and he’s a dear friend that wishes to show his love in this way. Hormones at your age are raging. (I’m not putting you down for your age at all, these are just likely physiological facts.)
You also said that it’s likely to lead to you wanting more, again, pushing that envelope. When we desire something badly and can satisfy it without effort, it is very likely to get done. How highly do you prioritize his wishes? Again, not judging. It’s not a question for me to know, it’s for you to ponder. If you truly care about the long run, then don’t dismiss the evidence. You two have feelings for each other, this doesn’t just switch off.
As you said, communication is key here and everyone needs to be open and honest AND willing to discuss what the plan is IF you two fall for each other. For two teens who are such good friends and willingly sexual, it’s a strong recipe for falling in love. Discuss how you feel about being long distance and what would happen if you didn’t desire it. Could you see each other seeing other people and still being friends? Do you have the level of love for each other to want the other person to be happy, even if it’s not with you?
Have you tried masturbating? Like someone said, be careful making decisions when hot and bothered. I’ve taught people to HALT when making important decisions. Don’t make decisions while you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. (this was originally used for driving intoxicated, but I think it fits here) If masturbating doesn’t help, then it might not be oral that you want, but maybe sexual attention and to be desired. If that’s the case, it seems you may want a relationship and have difficulty asking for that while considering your circumstance (going inconveniently far).
Know thyself. If you’re not ready, you’re probably not yet. I’m inclined to believe you are accurate about your feelings of long distance. I bet you’re a very loving, affectionate person so yea, unless a strong relationship is in place and you can keep your libido in check, it’ll be straining on you and you both don’t deserve to be at less than your best.
I think you’re the best one of you two to decide for you two and I think you should do what you think is right for the long run since you’ve expressed such. Again, I support your decisions and please clarify or correct me if you wish and if you think it may help with more perspectives. Hope to hear from you! Good luck and enjoy life! =)
DizzlesNLD: let me get my megaphone: YOU SHOULD BE DATING! are you just always going to wait until things are perfect? you love each other and you’re young so have fun!
Tallredhead7: I’m extremely risk adverse, and looking back (now I’m in my late 30s) my biggest regrets are things I didn’t do. I would love another shot at certain relationships and adventures. Go for it, at this stage of life you will either bond together with success or go your separate ways.
tinker_more: Just make sure you have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around
OriginalAussie: Has he performed oral on anyone else, and does he know how to properly do it? Would you be willing to perform oral on him?
I don’t get the whole ‘saving myself for marriage’ stuff. To me it’s nonsensical. I hope that you say yes and you both have a great time, and that sex shouldn’t come with hangups.
stearnsy13: One of my biggest regrets in life was having sex with one of my best guy friends. Ruined the friendship.
mcsniper66: Don’t risk it if you think it could jeopardize your friendship because it often can.
toyghtlikeatoyger: Do what you want. Follow your desires. You’re young and should live your life. The guy offered and you’re clearly okay with it and want him to do it. If it’s a mistake and you’re good friends then it shouldn’t be a problem. Just know if he stops eating you out because he can’t contain himself anymore and he wants to fuck but holds back…you have to respect that.
fdomfet: Once you guys are clear through out. If you know you don’t want a serious relationship with him then you need to tell him upfront that it won’t lead to an emotional relationship. If you both like each other maybe try going on a date and just seeing where it goes. Also consider your friendship, if he does go does develope feelings it can become an issue. You guys need to have amazing communication for it to work, the first sign if feelings, you guys need to discuss it and decide if to end any sexual aspect. I can’t say it’s a good idea or a bad idea because everyone is different, depends on the relationship you have with each other.
EvenBraverLilToaster: I say go for it, fuck it you only live once. And once college starts you’ll be surprised how many of your friends you stop talking to and rarely see or talk to again.
LeaveYourGrave: I’m glad to hear everything worked out for you two~! Any advice you might have?
WoeHossette: It sounds like you both still have feelings for one another. And if you’re both available, why not give it a shot? Afraid it’ll ruin the friendship? Honestly, it might. But there’s an obvious tension and attraction there, so if you don’t try something you might always regret it.
The Fwb thing only works when there are no feelings. You have feelings for him, don’t try to pretend to be fwb. Either go for it or don’t, but don’t try to hover in the weird middle ground.
andysaurus_rex: You don’t have to have a label for what you are. You can call it a FWB relationship. You can just call yourself friends who sometimes give each other oral. You can date. You can change nothing about your relationship and still get oral from him.
But honestly, I don’t know why you wouldn’t be okay with dating him. Just because you go to different schools? That’s kind of silly. This feels like a reason that people make up because they’re afraid of commitment. There’s always going to be a reason not to date someone. But you both have feelings for each other and you both seem to be good for each other. Those are 2 really good reasons.
KingZarkon: If you guys are able to separate out sex and love I say go for it. It’s a bit easier to do that if you both know it going into it, especially if it’s not a regular thing. Just be aware that old feelings could resurface and be prepared to work through them.
As far as having sex with your friends, I see nothing wrong with it and, indeed, I have done so on multiple occasions. Never had any issues.
KakarotMaag: Do it.
HomeFreeNomad: Just go for it and have fun.
Shutchyoassup: Just do da sex
sworththebold: Relationships take up a lot of time and effort. It’s time and effort you’ll gladly give, though—and when you’re in one you’ll find that friends usually take a back seat.
So, go for it. You said you have feelings for him, so if you “try to preserve the friendship” you’ll likely end up stuck halfway in and find it hard to fully commit to another, or be satisfied with “just friends.” Just go for it.
But be respectful of him, too. He should know you’re attracted to him if he’s going down on you, so he’s prepared if you keep it benefits only or ask for more emotionally. Also, if you ask for more sexually, make sure you don’t take it for granted that he’ll say yes.
Maybe it will work out, maybe it won’t. Maybe you’ll have to choose between being with a guy you love, or finding the sex you want elsewhere. There’s the possibility of great joy and painful disappointment, BUT… be kind and compassionate, follow your heart (or desires), and don’t accept halfway situations. *Live.*
Jabcore31: yeah sounds like maybe you guys should give each other a chance!
youcantfindme123: I have a friend similar to this. Probably not as close, but still a similar relationship. We had sex several times while both single and sexually frustrated. It never got weird and we’re still good friends. Not saying it’s a given to go that way for you and your friend, just my experience.
HappyInNature: You absolutely can be FWB with someone you still care about. It is hard especially when you’re younger but not impossible.
Ultimately it will require a lot of maturity which you may or may not have.
1DarkUnicorn: If you’re unmarried, unattached…let them
Lordoftheginge: I hook up with basically all of my female friends… it’s totally fine. I have literally never had a relationship ruined. I truly don’t understand what all the fuss is about. 29M
cHowziLLa: try it out, as soon as one of feel like its not working. let him know straight up. go back to being friends. be adults about it, talk about it.
my opinion, he likes you A LOT and he’s being a good guy
theonlymissub: Girl, don’t do it. You still care for him. You need to find someone else to release that sexual tension.
tejmin: > I’m not sure you can be fwb with someone you still care about.
Been there. Did that.
Was awesome. Still love that person to this day. Just takes the right kind of person out of both of you. d:D
evilSn0wman: Take a moment and just breath. Letting the mind rest for a while. The thing is that you already know deep within what you want. My invitation is just connect with that feeling. Can’t go wrong if you are honest with yourself…
sandybeachclam: He is offering to eat you but he is “saving himself “? That would be the biggest red flag for me.
Excuse_my_GRAMMER: Your very young , but any male with pause will show interest in sex if you seem slightly interested in having sex…
16avril: Please tread carefully on this one. Besides,
‘I am human and I am only human’. Pure gold!
imp_of_santa: > My Friend Offered To Eat Me Out? How Do You Approach This?
I would say either “yes” or “no”.
> I still have feelings for him, but my sexual appetite is a bit excessive.
“But”? Sounds like “and”.
And your sexual appetite might be _high_, but it isn’t “excessive” until it drives you molest schoolchildren or expose yourself to strangers in the supermarket.
> I’m not sure I’d be fine with just oral, but I digress.
Would you be better with just oral than with nothing?
> Would it be safe to pursue this or will it do more damage than it’s worth?
Is your question “Should I have sex with this boy I am dying to have sex with, but unfortunately _I really like him_?” In general, liking someone is an additional reason to have sex with him. Might things go wrong? Absolutely every relationship ends in either
* complete tragedy
* the partners dying in each others’ arms at the age of 105
> I hold it true, whate’er befall;
> I feel it, when I sorrow most;
> ‘Tis better to have loved and lost
> Than never to have loved at all.
slainte90: Hmmmm ummm why not…
ChucksterRay: If you think you can let him do that and just stay friends and not be awkward then it will be one of the most rare things to have ever happened. If he does eat you out it’s either going to get weird and lose that friendship or you’ll both realize that you want to seriously be together. It’s a risk only you can know is worth taking but is it worth losing a friend over?
Rec1umWrecker: Judging by your age I’m assuming that you’re going to different high schools within the same city, and that being “unfair” for you 2 to have a relationship, when you obviously hang out after school seems incredibly childish to me.
I don’t think you’re emotionally mature enough to to forward with it
Monkyd1: He likes you. He wants you. Don’t lead him on any longer.
sirbearus: Just be aware he has genuine deep feelings of love for you. He is still waiting for you. Please be careful of his feelings.