Big ones, small ones, some of the size of your head!
That jingle has to be about penises right?
Honestly unzipping a boy’s pants is up there with the thrill of a lucky dip. You just never know what you’re going to get.
Date of Birth 25 September 1984 , Florida, USA
Birth Name Jade Wolfe
Height 5′ 1″ (1.55 m)
Mini Bio (1)
Alanna Ackerman was born on September 25, 1984 in Florida, USA as Jade Wolfe. She is an actress, known for Liquid Gold 16 (2008).
9 Types Of Penises Every Girl’s Encountered
This one isn’t for the easily offended or prudish among us…
Here are some species you might encounter on your expeditions…
#1 THE BANANA
This shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Good girth, decent length, but just lacking that thirsty straight angle. Those with OCD might not be able to handle the close, but not close enough bend found in this type of beast. But the curve can be crucial for reaching your elusive G-spot. Definitely don’t throw this bunch away – they’re excellent for a lazy laydown doggy.
#2 THE TWINKY
Alright, that’s enough ‘cream-filled’ jokes, this is a very serious article you know. The twinky is adorable. It’s short and stout, but its thickness will still make you feel nice and full.
#3 THE TURTLENECK
You’ll only notice this specimen if you’re spotting him in the wild (ie. flacid). Are uncircumcised dicks the norm now? I think so. No need for stats, my word is as good as the mouth it comes from (hey boysss). A little extra skin never hurt anybody and it often means he’s extra sensitive, so your work is already half done.
#4 THE CLEAN CUT
Nothing to hide, but a little on the dry side. These guys rock out with their knobs out.
#5 THE RIGHT ANGLE
Oh he bends it like Beckham alright. Not to be confused with the curvy banana boy; a kink is a bit more abrupt and usually takes place towards the tip. It can be handy for reaching itches you didn’t know needed scratching. Grind it ‘til you find it girl.
#6 THE WHISKY DICK
All alcohol can inhibit the best of men, but the whisky dick, in particular, is one sad, floppy bunny. Don’t risk carpal tunnel by trying to get his fire started, it’s best left ‘til the morning.
#7 THE FOREARM
Holy mother of God, beware the tear. Do not try this without lube kids and for the love of tight holes, take it slow.
#8 TINY TIM
It’ll be a Christmas miracle if this little guy can get your rocks off. Time for the fingers and tongue to take over.