Awkward Sex Questions, Answered
Your solo sure-thing is all about the clitoris, right? Only about 30% of women orgasm without clitoral stimulation, says licensed psychologist Laurie Mintz, PhD. So if sex for you doesn’t directly involve your clit—either with manual stimulation or via sexual positions that hit it (woman-on-top often does)—coming isn’t going to be in the cards. Mintz suggests adjusting your expectations—”start thinking about orgasming as a before- or after-intercourse thing,” she says. Or slip your guy a little nighttime reading: She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner is excellent, she says.
Kerner’s book is designed to boost a guy’s “sexual clitoracy.” “Most guys are utterly i-clitorate,” says Kerner, a New York City-based sex therapist. His best tip? The tongue is more powerful than the sword. “The clitoral glands are located at least 2 centimeters above the vaginal entrance, so when most men and women have sex, the clitoris is rarely touched, which is why many women don’t orgasm during intercourse,” he explains. “You want a woman to orgasm? Get to her clit. With your tongue.”