[19F] Why I refuse receiving oral sex
There was a post recently where one of the comments was saying how girls who refuse receiving oral sex are missing out. There are many different perspectives on this but here’s mine.
Let me start by saying that I am very passionate about pleasuring the person I am with. However, my experience so far has been that none of the three people I’ve been with sexually are as passionate about giving, as they are about receiving.
I did let the first guy I was with go down on me, however we were both very inexperienced and it wasn’t very enjoyable. Now, what’s been stopping me ever since then is that they always want to do it in return for what I’ve done for them. This makes me uncomfortable, I do what I do because I want to, not because I’ll get something in return. When they put things like that it makes me feel unwanted.
I hope that one day I’ll find someone who is as eager to please as I am because I want to be able to give my all and feel like everything is mutual. And I know that putting other’s pleasure first is unhealthy, I wouldn’t even describe myself as a submissive in bed, it’s just that pleasing other people makes me feel good about myself. I’m being very honest here.
TLDR: I basically want someone who is as passionate about giving as I am, and doesn’t want to do it simply in return. Otherwise it makes me uncomfortable and I can’t do it.
DreamxVillain: I feel that the man should go first, to avoid all of this lol. I always do unless she beats me to it.
bluskyzz: I totally get what your saying! I’m male,I LOVE giving oral to men and women,but it’s kind of a turn off for me when they think they have to reciprocate! To be completely and totally honest,I would prefer that they just enjoy the oral orgasm I just gave them and leave it at that! I don’t expect anything in return,roll over and go to sleep if you want after you cum! I’m totally fine with that,I actually prefer that! It’s unbelievable how many people think they need to reciprocate,I mean it’s nice of them,but it’s also a bit annoying and a turn off!
anonymister86: I take initiative bcs I love to do it, doesn’t matter I get the favour returned or not.
iceviper16: I agree in part to what your saying. One thing to maybe think about is the possibility that the guys aren’t super comfortable with doing it yet. Hear me out on this…. I used to basically need to be prompted by someone asking directly or by me feeling like I should after I receive, not because I didn’t want to, I just was never sure that they really wanted me to because I didn’t think I was good enough, but if they asked I was like okay cool they want me to, I’ve wanted to but wasn’t sure. Or in the case of “returning the favor” I would think okay what they did for me was great and when I would say I want to return the favor, it was my insecure fucked up way of trying to figure out if they want me to go down and if they enjoy it as much As I enjoy receiving. Basically, I was always nervous and couldn’t truly enjoy doing it because I was in my head about doing it poorly and the “return the favor” comment was kind of a way for me to test the waters and also be like “ I’m gonna do my best but don’t get your hopes up”. Now I learned to communicate and I’m more experienced and with someone who is cool with me going down whenever and I do every chance I get.
the_good_girl_: They’re definitely out there. We’ll just be laying down watching tv or something and my guy will decide he wants to go down on me. It’s the best, you’d think since most people are aware of how much they enjoy receiving unexpected oral (if they enjoy oral), they’d do it too, but a lot of people don’t.
Euphoria8791: You haven’t been eaten out correctly. Trust me, every woman loves being eaten out, some just haven’t experienced a dude who knows what he’s doing.
love-to-lick: You are % correct. I only do it because I want to pleasure the woman I am with, very rarely do I want reciprocation for the same reasons you mentioned.
ScroungingMonkey: >And I know that putting other’s pleasure first is unhealthy, I wouldn’t even describe myself as a submissive in bed, it’s just that pleasing other people makes me feel good about myself. I’m being very honest here.
There’s nothing unhealthy about enjoying the feeling of pleasing others. It’s good that you’re being honest with this post. Accepting your own feelings is important, regardless of whether or not they align with what you are “supposed” to feel.
>Now, what’s been stopping me ever since then is that they always want to do it in return for what I’ve done for them. This makes me uncomfortable, I do what I do because I want to, not because I’ll get something in return. When they put things like that it makes me feel unwanted.
I feel like you’re misinterpreting their meaning a little bit. Most people want their sexual partner to enjoy the experience. A part of them probably feels like you do- they enjoy your pleasure. So when the sexual encounters are all about their own pleasure, it makes them feel a bit uneasy. The same way that you would feel uneasy if you never got to please them. Maybe it would be better if they framed it as, “I want to please you” rather than, “I want this to be fair”, but the feeling is the same. Part of having an enjoyable sexual experience for them is the knowledge that their partner enjoyed herself too. Just like part of an enjoyable sexual experience for you is the knowledge that your partner enjoyed himself.
There’s no reason that you should receive oral if you don’t want to.
However, on the broader topic of receiving pleasure more generally, I would advise you to try to have a bit more empathy for your partners. You aren’t the only one who derives satisfaction from knowing that their sex partner enjoyed themselves.
ExhaustedPolyFriend: Why I[22F] refuse oral sex:
UTI every goddamn time
I’m exaggerating a little. It’s not every time, but it’s too many to be worthwhile. I make my SO brush his teeth and use mouthwash everytime, I make sure to pee afterwards, I’ll also take a cranberry pill after. I think I’m just really susceptible.
Doesn’t really feel that great either so I’m fine with it. The reason I tried so hard to work around the UTI was because my SO enjoyed it.
FeistyBlueberry: I’ve never enjoyed it in my past experiences. I’m also a giver. And I get REALLY bored receiving… I can’t just mentally turn off and enjoy it. I’m constantly thinking about I can do x thing or y thing to make it 10x better for them. (And my partner could never get the right spots or pressure, no matter how much I tried to guide him)
AsaTera: Push him down on the bed…straddle his face and ride the fuck out of it. He’ll thank you.
stegosauruslady: I’m bisexual and I generally speaking, refuse oral from men.
I love oral, but the men I’ve been with have been either not so great at it or unenthusiastic. Unenthusiastic is pretty horrible for me as I will then lie there wondering how bored/grossed out they are and it spoils the rest of the sexy time for me.
tfresca: You can feel how you want to feel but you want everyone at a party to have a good time.
You don’t know who’s good or bad at head before you try them.
Rand0mThrowMeAway: At least, you tried receiving oral sex in the past unlike someone I know so you’re good.
There are men out there that want to go down on you without expecting anything in return. My fwb loves giving oral sex and he always goes first. He wants to make me cummed. By the way, I love giving a blowjob. I wasn’t doing it to return for what he had done. I gave blowjob because I want to make him going crazy and it makes me feel good about myself if I can give him pleasure by giving my all. Everything was mutual to me. EDIT: Giving oral sex was what I always wanted to do.
enjoyoutdoors: Perhaps you need to think about this differently.
Because if you do something for me with your mouth, it shows me that you want oral to be on the table when we are together.
And, well. I can definitely lick and enjoy licking for the licking itself. But I can just as well enjoy doing it as a way to say thanks.
I think you forget that guys who go down on you as a way to say thank you for something awesome you did just before, they also do it because they enjoy diving in nose first and lick you.
It kind of makes sense, doesn’t it? You don’t like being licked enough to ask for it. And it’s still offered to you.
By someone who, obviously, is perfectly willing to do it.
Well. You can express your willingness in different ways. You really can. And this way doesn’t work with you. But it *is* willingness.