Television Policewoman – Annett Fleischer in Playboy Germany july 2016.
Problems keeping it up. Afraid to lose the perfect girl
Hello, using a throwaway because my friends know my user.
I come looking for help. Will try not to write a wall of text.
So, I was in a very toxic relationship until January. My ex would constantly undermine me and my performance in the bedroom. After 4 years together I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore and ended things with her. When I put an end to it she said that I wouldn’t find another girl that would be willing to be with me because of my poor sex skills.
I thought that it wouldn’t get to me. But last month I met a girl using tinder and I’m head over heels for her. The thing is, yesterday we tried having our first night and it was a disaster. I kept remembering my ex’s words and just couldn’t finish.
The girl I’m with now was the best, she settled for oral and said she was feeling good that I had nothing to worry about.
Anyways, I need tips on how to get out of my head and don’t think negative thoughts while having sex.
TL;DR : Need tips on how to get out of my head and don’t think negative thoughts while having sex.
ConstantRise: Explain to the new woman what you’ve been through. It’s called being intimate for a reason. Let her know it’s not her, just some things you’re working with.
Practice mindfulness, stay in the moment. Don’t let the past drag you back. Focus on what you feel right then. Stay alive in yourself. It takes work, but it can be done.
If my shit sounds relevant DM me. Maybe I can give you more advice.
P-A-R-A-D-I-S-E: First of all, your ex is a monster for doing that to you, do not listen to her words, don’t let them haunt you!
What you should do, is to explain your problem to her if you trust her. If she is an understanding Person (you will need this kind of woman in your life right now) she will adapt to your situation. If you don’t tell her, she will never know how this situation can be fixed.
Take your time, it will work, you just need to trust yourself, don’t think about those harsh words, think about the fun and satisfaction you two will get by having sex with your current girl.
jkw118: Explain it to the lady. . I had a similar issue after my ex.. basically once your new girl gets you to blow it’ll start happening alot easier. It’s all in your head..
So one thought would be can you masterbate and ejaculate? If so maybe masturbating for each other. Basically familiarizing your body with another woman. I’m sure she’ll help out.. and then you can cum all over her breasts.. ,
T3hoofs: Best i can come up with is to focus 100% on the new girlfriend and why you have the hots for her. First asking yourself if you do have the hots for her. It varies from person to person and event to event but the power of boners can sometimes lessen trauma from the past.
Oh i would also say to try to focus on what the new girlfriend says. Language has a way of….melding into our sex lives as you know. So i’m thinking focusing on her words might also be a good idea.
840pickwickguy: This gets in your head and it is hard to get out. It helps to make sure you are also physically prepared. There are plenty of sites that deal with ED and will have information, but avoid being tired and drunk.
A_solo_tripper: The mind is very special. Yet, you can usually only focus on ONE thought at a time. Focus on your new gf. Focus on how good she smells, how good she feels, how good she looks, how god she sounds. Pick one, and focus on that thought. Then pick another one. The moment you stop thinking about how good she feels, you’re likely to start having negative thoughts while you should be just relaxing and enjoying your partner.
cobalt1728: I experienced some of the worst phycological induced ED for over 9 years.
I had a string of terrible failures of even getting hard with girls until finally when I was 24 I had sex but it was terrible. I almost took my own life and I struggle with it to this day.
The ONLY way to get through this is to explain the situation to her. And if she is worth a shit, she will stick around to help you. Be prepared for the opposite reaction. You are using tinder, and most women on there are absolutely terrible monsters of people. I would not recommend someone with your problem use tinder. I deleted all dating apps for that reason.
I can’t perform for casual sex.
Anonnymush: Hi! I went through a pretty terrible divorce and experienced the same kind of thing you’re going through. My ex wife made me feel inadequate and my next girlfriend had serious issues and managed to make the problem 10x worse than it had been and made me feel way worse about myself than even my cheating ex wife did. So, assuming she is the right type and not a shitheel,
Focus on her pleasure, don’t worry about penetration, and be honest about what you’re dealing with. If she’s the perfect girl, as my FIANCEE is, she’ll work with you.
In time, as you become more comfortable together, the situation resolves itself.
If she’s NOT the perfect girl, as the girl I dated before my fiancée was, then she’ll freak the fuck out, make it all about herself, and then it’ll ruin everything.