My (F24) rather macho new bf (M30) prefers to be submissive during sex – tips please
So we have been seeing each other for a couple of months, and sex has been great as well as our blossoming relationship. We had drunk sex a couple of weeks ago where I was a bit more bossy and he admitted that he loves it and asked me to do some things to him that I happily obliged in (anal play mainly). Since then I have been a bit scared or shy and looking for ways to ease that back into our sex without alcohol!
We have good communication on the whole, he likes to be cuddled and held (while not having sex, watching tv etc) and I asked him if he could spoon me every once in a while as I like to feel small and protected in his massive arms! Which he does do now, happily.
This question is less about what he wants, because he wants me to take control, but more about things I can do on my side, if that makes sense.
How can I feel brave and bossy and ease some more dominant tropes into our sex life slowly, without the alcohol?
Edited to clarify
3rdthrowawayisacharm: * Tug on his hair while making out
* Tell him to put his hands behind his back while sucking his cock
* Ask him to hold still while using his body for outercourse
All4Her: First off you will have a blast!!! Trust your Man (see below).
Establish a safe word. Then remember that every time YOU DON’T HEAR IT HE’S TELLING YOU TO “Keep Going”!!! You ONLY stop if he says the word.
NOTHING will kill the mood faster than when the administering partner is timid, apologetic, unsure, etc, etc DURING the Scene. Have confidence. Have fun.
That is the point of the safeword. If you don’t hear it keep going with 100% confidence.
AFTERWARDS is the time for cuddling, talking about likes, etc & for YOU to get reassurance that you weren’t too harsh and that he enjoyed it, etc. That happens AFTER, NOT DURING. 🙂
Tell him your going to play a game. Only rule is he cannot cum without your verbal permission. So if he starts to get close he has to tell you. No surprises.
Get a pen & a pad of paper. Have him lay down or sit in a chair. Restrain his arms/hands (PVC bondage tape works great), blind fold him. Then put a gummy cock ring around his balls so they stay in one place( this is important). Put on porn in the background that he’ll hear but not see and them play with his cock & balls til he’s hard.
(If he needs visual cues to get/stay hard take the blind fold off intermittently for a few moments then put it back on him.)
Once he’s hard tell him you’re going to play “Confession”. Tell him he must say “I confess…” and then tell you a fantasy of his. Tell him he’ll be rewarded if it’s pleasing to you & punished if you are not satisfied with the fantasy.
Regardless of what he says first. Tell him you know hes a pervert and know his fantasy must be dirtier than that so he must be holding back.
Take his balls in one hand & smack them w/ the other. He’ll start & jump & cry out….but if he doesnt say the safeword all is well.
Tell him to elaborate on the fantasy he confessed to (all the while slowly stroking is cock and gently playing w/ his balls to keep him hard). Write down his fantasies as you go. You can play this as long as you like.
The WHOLE POINT of the game is to find out his wants, fantasies & kinks. The in the future you use those to REWARD him AND to TORMENT him.
If you think he’s holding back, filtering or editing his fantasies give him another smack on the balls & encourage him to be truthful. When you feel like you got the “whole filth & nothing but the filth” suck on him for a while as reward. Don’t let him cum unless you’re done with him. You can fuck if you’re happy with the quantity of fantasies you got from him. Or take him to the edge of orgasm a whole bunch without letting him cum & then make him sit/ lay there restained until his cock goes soft.
He may get blue balls. That’s a lot of “fun” too. Tell him you want him to think of you every time they ache. Haha! My Wife’s done that to me quite a few times and I think it is so ridiculously under used by kinky people.
Say things to him like “What kind of person wants to ??” Inbetween sucking on him.
(All of us Men are pervs. Part of the fun of when women take the reins is to tease us about being pervs!!)
Ex: When my wife & I were engaged we talked about starting a family shortly after we wed. She went off BC after we got engaged. While we’d have sex I’d pin her down & tell her I was gonna fill her with cum & get her pregnant (something we wanted) & make her walk down the isle an 8 month pregnant bride (something that horrified her!!).
I’d make her beg me not to cum in her!! I did get the safe word a few times on that one and in our Aftercare I always reassured her but it was ALWAYS INCREDIBLY hot, crazy sex.
So a big part of the fun is finding out their fantasies then taking your partner’s FANTASY & turning it into their NIGHTMARE!!
Sometimes you use it to reward them, too. Keeping them guessing is what makes it so fun.
srsfam: As a dom in a relationship with another dom its super nice that you get to have your individual roles. Try being really aggressive with him.
Pushing him back onto the bed, mounting him, growling dirty things in to his ear. If you’re shy do what I do when I feel self conscious. Tie one of his ties around his head so that it covers his eyes. That way you wont feel self conscious about what you look like when youre dirty talking and telling him what to do. Also just fake it till you make it.
k-lear: I had a man who loved when I would tell him to get on all fours and then proceed to spread his buttcheeks until they stung. He also loved when I’d scream –sounds weird I know– in his a-hole because of the vibration.
anonnymouse1: My usually dominant, macho ex loved when I’d ride him with my hand around his neck. BE CAREFUL with choking, do it lightly, look up how to do it properly, but start with a gentle but firm hand creeping up to his neck and see how he responds. Have fun!! It feels awesome to tease a breathless *”fuck me, baby,”* out of a big masculine man every so often. Also, strong eye contact.
Tay_tay_anne: Don’t be nervous to do anything, if you find the confidence to push yourself to tell him to spoon you… You will find the confidence to have him hold the back of your head when you give him head, or spank him for for going deep enough or fast enough, or even make him lay on the bed and watch you as you masturbate. Its all about the way you tell him what to do. Its really a great gift, good luck!
misterplumber: Just ask him,
VertousOffical: Words from a totally perversed virgin here (M): I was thinking if you initiated sex and told him he could not touch you while you gave him a blowjob.
Probably tease him while stroking him until he begged for mercy to your whims.
Phantom7926: Get a strap on