Bypass any anal obstacles with this advice.
No matter how much sex you’ve had, trying anal for the first time can make you feel like a virgin all over again. You’re worried it might be awkward even though you know it has the potential to be mind-blowingly incredible, and you can’t quite wrap your head around how it’ll physically feel. For the best chance at making it unforgettable (in a good way), check out these tips from real women who have already gotten in on the anal action.
“What I wished I had known before I did anal is that if something is a little sore, it doesn’t mean you have to stop right away and look at your butthole with a magnifying glass to make sure nothing is wrong with it. You can just go slowly. The exception is if you feel a really sharp or unusual pain. If that happens, by all means take a break and check in. Also, you don’t have to stick anything big up your a** the first time. Anal can be fun with just fingers or smaller toys!” —Margaret C.
“First of all, it’s easier to do when you’ve had a few drinks. I know that’s not ‘healthy’ advice, but it’s real advice. Your spirit and butthole are freed or something. It just doesn’t feel as weird. It’s also better to take it slow or use a small butt plug first instead of him just shoving it in. Lastly, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.” —Anna B.
“It’s so different with different guys! I know that sounds obvious, but I was nervous to do anything remotely anal-related with my current boyfriend because of bad experiences before. Specifically, one guy just assumed I was ready to go and started to stick it in sans lube. Obviously that hurt, so I didn’t have good anal associations. Now, with my current boyfriend, he really takes his time making sure I’m fully turned on and into it—so it always feels amazing.” —Kim C.
“I remember thinking in hindsight that I could never ever have anal sex with someone I didn’t absolutely trust because it felt more intimate than regular sex. It’s almost clinical because of how slowly you have to go and careful you have to be when you’re first starting to avoid too much pain. I also actually wish I’d known that lube isn’t just for anal. That was the first time I tried it, and I wish I’d been using it earlier because it’s great.” —Jo R.
“If you’re on an empty stomach, it just sucks. It feels weird, like you’re going to poop on him even though nothing’s inside of you. But don’t eat so much that you get too full. Anal makes it seem like he’s going deeper than regular sex, so you don’t want to feel stuffed on top of that.” —Madeline R.
“Anal can be a real turn-on because it feels kind of forbidden and naughty, for lack of a better word. I wish I’d realized sooner that, for me, it’s best when the guy uses his hand to stimulate my clitoris. I don’t think it’s great on its own. Also, I used to worry that he’d pull it out and it would be a bit poop-y, but it never has been, so I could have relaxed about that. But afterward, you might have the farts, so that’s good to know.” —Marissa G.
“Lube is essential. Anal can be enjoyable for both people involved as long as you bring the right tools, specifically lube. Lube. Lube. Lube. I wish I had known that the natural wetness of a woman is not enough to continue the pleasure, and it can get painful. While you’re grabbing the sheets and praying for it to end, he has no idea until he sees your pained face, and that does not equal a hot night. Also, not all lubes are created equal! You have to find the right one so it’ll continue to feel good for both of you. Straight from a reproductive health nurse who works with the gay community: the best lube to use is Liquid Silk or Gun Oil!” —Kara D.
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“The most important thing to remember is that, to be blunt, sh*t happens. It is important to be as clean as possible, and soap and water are your friends. Also your friend? Engaging in anal sex soon after a bowel movement so that the rectum is clear. Enemas aren’t required if you have already defecated. And if there is a little poop, take it in stride, hit the showers and bask in the afterglow.” —Mollena W.
“I wish I’d known about Reddit. Honestly. There’s this perception—in my opinion, misconception—that anal sex is super secret, super gross, and super painful. Or that no one does it and you’re a freak if you do. If you have a glimmer of curiosity, it can feel like it’s so taboo, you can’t dare ask your friends if they’ve done it or for advice. And if they have, they’re probably too embarrassed to say, so it all just seems mysterious. Thank goodness for the Internet! Reddit has these subreddits, or communities, called /r/analsexstories, /r/analgw, and /r/sex. You can ask your questions anonymously on /r/sex and get real stories and advice. All of a sudden, it’s not as taboo or scary, and could actually be fun. Reddit is amazing.” —Tess N.