Is it rude to ask if someone has an STI before oral?
So I’m preparing myself for sex in my life and have read that oral sex has a large likelihood of spreading any STIs if someone has them. Obviously if I’m giving or receiving oral condoms won’t really come into play now so I need to know that the person I’m with is clean. Do I just straight up ask them? It feels like it would kill the mood or offend them. Or do I just not perform oral until I’m in a committed relationship where I know they’re clean? I’m a guy (17) and plan on using a condom for any form of vaginal or anal sex I have but can’t get my head around this one. Please help!
TL;DR I want to give/receive oral sex, know that I can’t use a condom for it, should I just ask if they’re clean?
Koi_love333: Whether it’s rude or not. Safe sex is the best sex.
oraclesage: I think it would be best to ask if they have any STIs before you even get to the point where you’re having oral
ManBearHybrid: Yeah, it’s fine. If they try to escalate (or if you want to escalate), just say “There are some things we need to talk about first. Like, I’d like us to get tested together.”
Something to remember though – something like 60% of people test positive for one of the herpes strains, and a huge number of them dont have symptoms. A lot of people even get it from their parents kissing them as infants. Be prepared for the fact that you yourself may not be uninfected. Also, because herpes is so common, it often isnt included in a standard STI screening. You have to ask for it specifically.
welshteabags: you say *obviously* if I’m giving or receiving oral condoms won’t be used. They can be for oral and are by some people.
I have used them often enough for oral sex.
nottylilpearl: I wouldn’t care if it’s rude. My health is at stake and oral isn’t worth it, to me. Even if I can treat it, I’d rather not deal with it. I’d think more of someone who asked, but I know some people will get highly offended, so. Plus, nothing wrong with using protection for oral if that’s what you want to do.
perkytitts: Hmmmm… feeling rude for a moment that you asked vs not asking and feeling itchy/regretful for the rest of your life…. tough decision but IMO I would ask.
stink3rbelle: It can be done rudely, but just the asking is not rude *at all*, it’s smart! It can be a little awkward, but it’s really a sign of caring and intelligence that you’re asking.
DON’T: frame things in terms of “clean” or “unclean.” STI’s are infections, they don’t have much to do with hygiene.
DO: bring up your own status, and get tested yourself (yes, even if you’ve never had sex, you can get some stuff from parents).
DO: ask your partners when they were last tested “for STIs,” what was tested, and what the results were.
DO: ask your partners whether they have had sex since they were last tested, and whether it was protected or not.
DO: ask your partners to perform oral with barrier protection, and have barrier protection yourself. You can get a dental dam, too.
DO: willingly go for hands-only if one of you is unsure of your status. You can get gloves for this, but unless you have open wounds hands are going to be pretty safe.
DO: get the HPV vaccine. It’s likely to help protect you against throat cancer, and it’ll also protect your partners from cervical cancer and HPV.
VampArcher: I think it’s common sense, even if it is rude. Set them aside and ask.