Lesbianism is considered sexy but male homosexuality is considered gross?
Several days ago I saw a user on here talking about how men find lesbians to be sexually arousing but women don’t view gay men in the same way at all. This got me thinking about something which I find to be quite interesting. Most of the straight men that I know find lesbianism and bisexual women to be very attractive and sexy. They love to watch lesbian porn and love to watch attractive women making out (I’ll admit though I, even though I am a straight male, never saw the appeal of this.)
When it comes to women though, and this one user was talking about this, they don’t find the idea of male homosexuality to be arousing at all. I’ve never asked but I doubt any woman alive watches gay porn. Hell, many of the women on here and on other sites seem to find the idea of lesbianism to be sexy as well, and these are straight women saying this. Also, when it comes to bisexuality, women seem to really hate bisexual men because they get grossed out by the idea of guy on guy. They also don’t like the idea of bisexual men because to them two men sleeping together is effeminate and they like their men to be strong, alpha, and tough. So basically men are supposed to be straight while women can be bisexual even though, to me personally at least, I don’t see anything “feminine” about a woman sleeping with another woman.
But this just got me thinking about our culture and how “girl on girl” is considered, by both men and women, to be the sexiest thing ever apparently, while “guy on guy” is considered disgusting and gross. I just wanted to ask why do you guys think this is? Like that other user was saying, it makes sense why straight men would find lesbianism attractive, but why would “straight” women find it hot and at the same time be grossed out by gay men? Shouldn’t women be turned on by male homosexuality just like men are turned on by lesbianism? I have even met bisexual women who say they get turned off both by guy on guy and by bisexual men which, again, makes absolutely no sense to me at all. Like I was saying, men are only supposed to be straight because guys together is gross, but all women should be bisexual because lesbianism is hot. Is this a biological thing? A cultural thing? I would be curious as to your input.
Coidzor: There are societal double standards, especially on the part of men when it comes to those sorts of things.
As has been said, there are a fair number of women who get off to gay porn or yaoi or erotic fanfiction involving two dudes screwing one another.
baathrowaway: [Women watch more gay porn than men.](http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/women-watch-more-male-gay-porn-than-men-pornhub-study-finds-9772406.html)
And generally “I’ve never asked, but I doubt…” isn’t the best way to develop your views about other people.
sunandsand55: Female checking in here. I watch gay porn. I think it’s hot.
JezzaN1: >I’ve never asked but I doubt any woman alive watches gay porn.
SultanofShit: Don’t count on it. A lot of M/M erotica is written by/for women.
pokeychicken: There’s plenty of slash fic and yaoi out there. Maybe it’s just you.
Coziestpigeon2: > I’ve never asked but I doubt any woman alive watches gay porn
Holy crap are you sheltered.
sangetencre: >I doubt any woman alive watches gay porn
That user was wrong and corrected
And you’re wrong too.
Gay porn. Yaoi. Slash fic. M/M erotic art. It’s all out there. And plenty of women like it. Including this one.
And I think it’s largely a culture thing.
We are raised to view sex and women as somewhat synonymous. The female body is heavily sexualized. Our media adheres to the straight male gaze.
haunting_refrain: Men don’t find real lesbians attractive, just look at the way they treat butches. They only find the heavily made-up, manicured mythical ‘lesbians’ in porn sexy.
Alanyinyang: It isn’t so much lesbianism that they find sexy so much as we find stereotypically beautiful women in a sexual situation to be sexy. Most straight men probably wouldn’t be interested in watching two masculine women getting down. The intrigue with women that are bi is due to the dream of being apart of the act rather than just watching it. As for straight women and gay men, I would point you in the direction of Yaoi and the fact that there is not an insignificant female fanbase in that genre. Society has a lot to do with it.
IAmTakkie: Not true for everyone. My gf loves watching gay porn. She loves watching games dudes make out. She loves the fact that I’m bi. And we sure are planning on some mmf in the future. But you are right, the reactions on male bisexuality vs female bisexuality are highly skewed. There are also many more female celebrities openly bi vs male. Maybe in 10 or 20 years it’s more accepted.
NeckBeard137: What? Ever heard of yaoi/boys love?
There’s an ever growing community on women who get off on dudes boning.
Snesgamer83: I think it’s because on surface level, most people when they hear “lesbian” think young nubile bodies that are smooth, curvy, and smell great.
When they think of male homosexuals, they think smelly, rough, crude, and hairy men crawling all over each other.
FX114: Did you not read all the comments to that post telling him how wrong he was?
RachelRTR: There are plenty of women who watch it. There are actually quite a few articles written about how and why the trend is growing. https://thoughtcatalog.com/lisa-woods/2016/04/11-women-speak-out-on-why-the-vast-majority-of-women-prefer-gay-porn/
PositivelySexual: I posted this a little while back in a different thread, but I think it touches on some of the points you raise:
>… society generally has taught us to think of women as the “fairer” sex, a symbol of beauty and sexuality that society has equally taught us should not exist in men. It’s stupid, because men can be just as sensual and beautiful creatures as women, but most people are programmed to believe otherwise.
>I think this is one of the reasons why people tend to be more comfortable with lesbian porn than gay male porn. Or even why we haven’t traditionally seen very much in the way of attractive, sensual, men in straight porn. Many guys are uncomfortable even imagining themselves as sexy and sensual beings. And so we often get this toxic idea of masculine sexuality being just about watching an emotionless dick attached to some dudebro being shoved into a gaping hole and using it like a piece of meat.
>Not all straight porn is like this though, and I would implore those with a more open mind to explore some of the more amateur, indie, and artistic pornography that’s out there instead of just jacking or jilling to the stuff that takes no effort to find.
Birfhum: Maybe as a straight man, it’s not something you’ve faced. As a bi man, in a relationship with another bi man, we’ve seen our fair share of women turned on by watching us being intimate.
lostwithoutlove4: I do watch gay male porn sometimes. I think women are just more private with things in general. We don’t feel thr need to shout everything from the roof tops. Also, society has taught women that they should be ashamed of being sexual creatures (slight exaggeration but not much) and that men are expected to have tons of sex. These concepts go hand in hand I think
muhku666: I have always found this weird. When I was a teenager, me and all other girls were hot for gay stuff. In my opinion, the appeal is the same as lesbian sex to men: double the interesting stuff to look at! In addition, gay porn has often hotter actors and the point of view is not on the girl all the time. Kind of a woman’s point of view, in my opinion, when the face and pleasure of the men is focused on as well.
grant_cir: Tons of women watch gay porn and are aroused by it because a) the men are generally hotter than in straight porn and b) just like het dudes, they like seeing 2x of what they like.
The other part of this, though, is pervasive cultural misogyny: a gay man, particularly a bottom, is giving up masculine/male privilege. Being a receptive partner (oral, anal) is seen as “feminine” and the feminine is devalued or considered subjugated to the “masculine”.
A woman who has sex with another woman isn’t giving up anything; if she’s strappin’ it on, she’s actually taking on a more “powerful” role (if anything).
It’s about power, not aesthetics.
tomuson: I’ve been deep in the fujoshi (aka yaoi fangirls) scene since I was 12 so this post feels surreal to me. Trust me, there are SO MANY women who fetishise the idea of hot men boning each other.
Whatchamathing: > When it comes to women though, and this one user was talking about this, they don’t find the idea of male homosexuality to be arousing at all. I’ve never asked but I doubt any woman alive watches gay porn.
….have you heard of slash?
In terms of *porn* – as in, video material – you may be right. But considering that F/F porn is catered to men, with what men find arousing and want to see, and M/M porn is ALSO catered to men, I’m really not surprised.
applebrandme: It’s completely, totally cultural and it starts with centuries, even thousands of years of misogyny.
The thinking goes that the worse, most disgusting thing a man could do would be to lower himself to behave like a woman and to accept penis like a woman. That that would make him less masculine. So it starts with the hatred of woman.
Also woman’s sexuality was feared and repressed so much that it flipped & women were thought to be unsexual & just receivers of male sexuality. So it became that women’s sexuality became unthreatening & lesbianism an entertainment for men.
And this has gone on & on & now we’re at a point where in mainstream western world it is very acceptable for women to have done sexual stuff with other women & it doesn’t particularly affect people’s impression of them, their femininity & their overall sexuality but it’s still very often a more serious thing to hear that a man has had sex with a man; still more suspect, inpacts more on people’s sense of his masculinity.
narananika: LOL. You *clearly* don’t know enough women. I mean, not gonna lie, I don’t watch standard gay porn, but that’s more because the guys aren’t really pretty enough for me. Plus, I don’t watch live-action porn in general because I find the whole thing a little disconcerting.
Plenty of women are also into submissive, feminine guys… for yaoi enthusiasts who identify with the characters to some extent, it’s about a fifty/fifty split whether they identify with the top or the bottom, and that’s without getting into the entire femdom category. Honestly, the appeal at least partially stems from the fact that, since porn is overwhelmingly aimed at men, if you want to actually see guys, you need to find a genre that’s aimed at gay men. Especially if you prefer submissive guys, because of the female-oriented straight porn that does exist, almost none of it has femdom elements.
ninjanikki91: Bi woman here. I absolutely loveee gay porn! It’s 2 or more dicks at once, what’s not to love?! Also it’s usually more raw and rough, which is hot. I also love lesbian porn, but it takes me forever to find something that’s worth watching. Most lesbian porn is made by men, for men. For example, how many ‘lesbian’ scenes end in a man coming in and taking over? A lot. Because the guy fantasizes about having both to himself.
Gitchigami: This reminds me of a related double standard I’ve encountered in myself and others.
When my girl is hit on/groped in public by another girl, I’m proud and happy.
When I’m hit on/groped by another man, she is territorial and weirded out.
Silvere01: > men find lesbians to be sexually arousing but women don’t view gay men in the same way at all.
Hahahahaha are you serious?
Gay porn is loved by a lot of woman who don’t have a stick up their ass. Not to mention all those Yaoi-Hentais/VNs (Japanese gay-comics/visual novels) which are an entire market on their own.
Face it, gay men are as fetishized by women as lesbians are by men. Well, maybe not quite as much, but they are definitely up there.
If I would ask my female friends who honestly answer to such a question, Im sure half of them have a thing for gay porn…
purpleflowerowl: Many women find men sleeping together sexually arousing
> I’ve never asked but I doubt any woman alive watches gay porn
No. You don’t have to ask, pornhub itself has a lot of statistics available. here is a quote directly from their insights blog
>What does she desire?
Well, apparently they want to watch a bunch of gay sex. Pornhub’s Lesbian category is the leading favorite among the ladies, with **Gay (male) following close at second place**.
You can see that [here](https://www.pornhub.com/insights/what-women-want). Another more detailed post about women watching gay porn [here](https://www.pornhub.com/insights/girls-like-boys-who-like-boys)
Mr_Spaz: >Several days ago I saw a user on here talking about how men find lesbians to be sexually arousing but women don’t view gay men in the same way at all. […] I’ve never asked but I doubt any woman alive watches gay porn.
Did you actually read any of the responses to that thread at all? There are quite a few women who are turned on by gay male porn.
Kowalski12: Female here! Never forget that everyone has their own likes and dislikes, some guys like lesbian porn, some don’t, some women like gay porn, others don’t. Usually, generalizations don’t give enough information about a group as a whole.
For example, you’re missing the gold mine of girls getting off to gay sex and sexuality- fanfiction and tumblr blogs dedicated to gay porn or romantic relationships about their favorite media characters. Or, for example, fujoshi. Some women love gay sex as much as some men love lesbian sex.
trashy_valley: I am a straight woman who watches gay porn all the time lol
daddio3311: I think guys prefer bi girls rather than lesbians because then they have a chance of joining in too. My wife is bi and I’ve both just watched and joined in sometimes when she’s with another girl. That being said, my wife also likes watching and joining in when I’m with other guys. For my 30th birthday she set up a get together in a motel with me and 3 black guys.
time_keepsonslipping: >I’ve never asked but I doubt any woman alive watches gay porn.
You’re hilariously wrong. Seriously, a full 85% of women’s fandom output is porn about men fucking each other. So many women watch gay porn that it’s the [second most popular category](https://www.pornhub.com/insights/what-women-want) among female users of pornhub. The discrepancy you’re seeing is not between what media people actually consume, but what media they’ll admit to consuming. There’s still a stigma against women’s sexuality and women’s consumption of pornography. Women are not going to be as open about their preferences because of this.
And as a slightly more tangential aside, men find their pornified idea of lesbians sexy. They don’t find real lesbians sexy, or if they do, it’s only because they hear “lesbian” and think “threesome.” The second we reject them, they turn real quick to “You’re an ugly dyke.”
edit: And just to further emphasize how hilariously wrong you are, take a good hard look at the link. Gay male porn is #2 for female users. Lesbian porn is #6 for male users. Women watch proportionally more gay porn, than men watch lesbian porn.
DanteChurch: I don’t really watch lesbian porn (26m) but I did in my teens. I have 2 trains of thought on this.
She likes what I like
Double the stuff to look at
As for women not liking male gay porn, I don’t know what they’d relate with or anything personally but there are ladies into it. Lesbian porn is actually the most watched porn by women.
zerophyll: Being faced with the reality of it is a little different. It’s a great fantasy, the hot girls making out who really just want you to be in-between them.
I pretty much felt the same way, and can be turned on by it again…but I had a bad personal experience where I girl I really cared about (and said she cared about me) jumped over my lap in a bar to make out with another girl. That was a knife in the heart and really turned me off on the whole lipstick lesbian fantasy for a long time.
The reality of people loving whoever they love is completely different, mind you; the eroticism of the fantasy is as usual, not linked to reality.
Stahlboden: Male, straight. This is what I think about it:
Girl on girl is percepted positively because straight men just like to look at women doing some sexual actvities (if there are several of them and they show compassion to each other it’s even better) and don’t like to look on male bodies or dislike to watch another man (not the viewer of the porn) fucks a woman.
Boy on boy is considered disgusting because when we talk about gays, we usually keep in mind passive gays. And fucking another male is known act of subjugation and humiliation in animal world, so gays are percieved as “outcast not-men”.
Eli1984: For me it’s the difference that the “art” of sex is shown between women and men. If you watch two women it’s mostly slow, sensitive and “lovely”, while between men or of a man is involved it is mostly shown as fast, hard and hurtful.
But that’s for me 🙂
flower86: I don’t understand this, at all. I know so many ladies who are all about it. I also mostly meet people who are neutral about it, not put off or disgusted. Just, meh. Not their jam.
throwawayhastaway: An even wierder one is society looking down upon the dude that’s getting butt-fucked by another dude, but not looking down upon the dude that’s butt-fucking another dude.
We have double standards within our double standards.
Society is pretty shitty.^ha
LithiumFlowerr: I don’t really have an opinion on a sexuality’s level of sexyness but when it comes to porn for example, I wouldn’t watch lesbian porn. But I do watch gay porn from time to time and I think that many other women prefer gay porn to lesbian porn.
I think that this “all girls should be bisexuals” comes from men who would be very much into threesomes with 2 other women. It’s just their imagination going a bit too far sometimes 🙂
Oneofthesedays_time: I know two women who watch gay porn more than straight porn
pretzel_time: Bisexual woman here, with a bisexual boyfriend.
It took him some time to come to terms with his sexuality (who doesn’t?) but we’ve been together for nearly 7 years and explored a lot of relevant fantasies together… Pegging, prostate massages, and more recently a MFMF foursome with some guy on guy action.
Personally I find everything super hot about guy-on-guy except kissing… I don’t know why but he doesn’t care for it either so it doesn’t affect us much. I occasionally seek out gay male porn, but it’s often so cheesy or badly acted that I won’t bother.
I really hate the double standard you’re talking about. It is rampant in the swinging community and sometimes it’s just plain homophobia. A community full of otherwise open-minded men & women getting their rocks off in group settings and somehow there are men whose main concern is that another dude might be looking at his penis.
I think it is partly a generational thing but it’s hard to explain where it comes from
Dokterclaw: I couldn’t agree more. I’m on OkCupid and one of the questions is something alone the lines of “have you ever had a same-sex experience?”. I’d say about half the women I encounter answer “yes, and I enjoyed myself”. There’s another question that asks “would you ever be with someone who had had a same-sex experience” and those same women almost always answer No.
I’ve never been with a man, but if I had, that would make me feel pretty shitty. I know this is a small sample of people, but people on OkCupid seem to be more open-minded than the general population, so if they have those beliefs, what does that say about everyone else?
frank_mania: I think what you’re talking about, independent of whether your perceptions about certain facts are correct, is something that without doubt exists in the wider culture. I believe the opinion you are perceiving is the one voiced by the dominant population in porn-consuming culture, that being male teens & young men. The bulk of them and are straight and tend towards a homophobic reaction at the thought of watching their own gender go at it. OTOH, as noted here and many other places widely, watching attractive women go at it with each other on the other hand is very arousing for the majority of this same population. (Dan Savage has written a thoughtful take on why girl on girl porn is so attractive to men.)
I think the lesson to take away from this that we must take care not to allow our own opinions to be disproportionately influenced by the opinion of the majority. In this case the most vocal majority, people with the spare time and incentives to write and voice their opinions about porn on the internet, are immature men and boys whose opinions are based and a great deal of stereotypes and hormones which do not form a basis for a very healthy outlook on sexuality.
judenpuben: Yes. That’s true.