Model Briahna ‘Bri’ Gilbert: ‘Beavetail’ by Gabby Riggieri for NAKID Mag (September) 2017
Gabby Riggieri, is a Boston-based film photographer. She strives to create images that overflow with emotion and capture those fleeting moments…
“I will do anything to get outside and get dirty, and this shoot was a perfect example of that. We climbed down a cliffside to shoot in this cove, and it began down pouring right in the middle of the shoot. Catching the drops of rain on film as they were falling is what makes photography special for me. Life moves so quickly and if you’re lucky, photography can freeze the beauty and power of nature effortlessly in a single frame.“
My girlfriend made out with another girl tonight and I feel betrayed
After a getting some alcohol in them my girlfriend [22f] intensely made out with her roommate [20f] for 7 minutes is what she told me on the phone. All I was able to say was “oh okay” and hung up the phone, I just feel crushed.
We’ve been dating for 2 years and I thought we were on the same page about this stuff. A while ago in conversation the topic of “open relationships” came up and she expressed that she had no interest in sexual or romantic relations with anyone but me, and I expressed the same feelings toward our relationship.
I really don’t know what to do or say, I just feel heartbroken and betrayed. It’s like she thinks it’s no big deal about what she did. I really just need to vent and i’d really like some advice on what to do in this situation? Did she cheat on me, is okay for girls to do that just because it’s another girl?
messagerunner: Man she cheated. Unless you can mentally handle staying with someone who cheated on you, dump her. It doesn’t matter if it was with another girl, it’s cheating. Don’t let her use “it was just a girl” as a hall pass.
BooksNapsSnacks: Nah man. I don’t value monogamy. My husband does. I keep it in my pants. Fifteen years in and not so much as a look at another dude. You know why? I value him more.
Definitely piss her off.
zachary333: > It’s like she thinks it’s no big deal about what she did
She gets drunk and either loses control over herself or uses it as an excuse to lose control. That’s enough reason to end a relationship. The cheating itself is.. cheating. Another reason to end a relationship.
howilefttheministry: Don’t downplay it cos it was a woman, that’s just a way to dismiss lesbian/female sexuality. And yes, you were wronged. Is it possible to work past this? Sure! Do you owe it to her? No. It’s up to you to see if you want her in your life or not. Either way is fine, just if you do give her another chance, be very explicit about boundaries.
Coidzor: Well, it’s pretty natural to feel betrayed when someone has betrayed you by cheating on you.
Probably shouldn’t just say “oh, okay” in response to it, though.
Snesgamer83: It’s our perverted society to blame, that makes lesbian cheating out to be less damaging than someone’s GF cheating with another man. We’ve been trained by porn that we can all have these magical random threesomes if our girlfriends turned out to be messing with other women.
nuclearviking74176: Same thing happened with my wife and I 8 yrs ago when we were dating. We talked about it, I expressed my displeasure, she said she didn’t mean anything by it and that there was no emotional connection there. We moved on.
After reading this post together I just told her that I honestly wouldn’t care if she went beyond kissing a girl today. I think after 6 yrs of marriage and almost 10 yrs of being together I trust her implicitly and know that she is coming home to me at the end of the night.
imp_of_santa: > Did she cheat on me, is okay for girls to do that just because it’s another girl?
The rules for each relationship are different. I used to have a girlfriend who loved knowing all the details every time I had sex with anybody. My current SO loses it if I even look at another woman.
It’s such a common rule that “another girl doesn’t count” that your girlfriend probably thought it applied to yours too, which even thinking about it.
So don’t feel betrayed in any literal sense. She didn’t do anything to hurt you, that was an accident. As the Pope would say, she sinned without malice.
Approach her with that in mind: she did something you found extremely painful, but it was not deliberate. Try to convey the facts to her while not making her feel any worse than necessary.
altruismandme: Your feelings are totally valid.
With that being said, I agree with another poster- a lot of guys think it doesn’t count if it’s with another girl. If, for whatever reason, I made out with another girl, I wouldn’t feel bad at all because I know my boyfriend wouldn’t care. I’m pretty sure I’ve never dated a guy who would care. Why is this? I dunno, the guys I’ve dated think it’s hot or something? Who knows.
In any case, I personally would feel the same way you do if I were in your shoes, but the fact that she told you in the way she did makes me feel like she really didn’t think you’d see it as cheating.
Iam_G1999: Talk with her. She probably has looked at it differently then you are.
1 positive thing. She did told you.
How silly as that may sound she didn’t hide it.
I wosh you good luck. Hope you can talk it out.
hersheyKat: it is cheating because she just assumed u’d be ok with it and didn’t even ask u first. now it sounds like she thought u were gonna be okay with it so maybe u could forgive her if she promises not to do it again and u feel like u can trust her. but what she did was really hurtful and she should not have just assumed u were gonna think its hot or whatever. she did betray u and its completely understandable that ur hurt. u have to make it very clear to her that what she did is not ok and that u consider it cheating (if thats what u decide).
DarkReign2011: Have you bought this concern up to her? A lot of guys are typically okay with something like this because “it’s just another girl” and it might even lead to a potential three-way. Shit, I’m okay with my girl going out and screwing another girl because I want her to do what makes her feel good and I know at the end of the day I won because she still comes home to me ultimately.
As you’re a guy who isn’t, she might not know better because of common stereotyping. It’s obvious she doesn’t think it’s that bad or else she would’ve hid it from you and tried to be sneaky about it, but instead she called right out and told you. That’s not to say what she didn’t was right, but there needs to be dialog between the two of you to establish boundaries and make her aware of what you’re not comfortable with.
Radical-Moderate: Put your foot down and ask her what she’d do with you if you had hooked up with a dude for 7 minutes.
If she refuses to accept the comparison, I’d break up.
throwawaygarbage47: My (m19) ex (f18) had this exact same problem. We dates for two and a half years in a very serious relationship. Except her alcoholism lead to other problems also like being deceitful, losing control when shes out, messing up my name and important information, lying and much more. If you’re experiencing these same things being done to you i would recommend getting out. If shit like this keeps happening to you im telling you it will eat away at you and you’ll feel like you’re deteriorating because of the stress. Sometimes you really need to make a decision for your own good. She definitely isn’t looking out for you right now. Good luck man!
bigpony: You guys are pretty young and still have lots of mistakes ahead of you. I think thou should unpack this with her, why did she do this? Does she like girls, does she like breaking relationship rules, is cheating exciting., was it a mistake.
Find out why and you can both grow. Perhaps together. Perhaps apart.
DeepFascination: There’s this really boneheaded idea that some people have that queer sex or queer hooking up is totally different from straight hooking up. Clearly you don’t have that idea, but your gf seems like she must. A lot of people get the idea that women making out with women is primarily for men’s viewing pleasure, and all men think that’s awesome. Clearly you don’t, because you sensibly presumed she would not kiss any other PERSON–her sharing that intimacy with someone other than you makes you feel vulnerable and threatens your place in your relationship. No partner should assume, in a monogamous relationship, that some kinds of cheating don’t count, though that seems like what she did, maybe thinking you’d find it really hot. Surely she must have derived some pleasure from it too, otherwise why do it? Speaking as a dude with much love for my gay dude friends, you couldn’t get me drunk enough where kissing one of them would seem appealing, let alone making out with them for seven minutes. I’m a fantastically boring kinsey 0. But your girlfriend is not, which means she must have enjoyed that shared intimacy with her roommate, and that’s legitimately threatening.
I don’t know what your communication about things like this has been, but she clearly doesn’t understand your notion of fidelity. Presuming it’s not cheating if it’s with another girl is hella immature–that’s like some high school shit. It makes me wonder what her conception of you as a whole person with fully developed feelings is.
It may be when you explain your feelings she’ll understand and feel terrible. But if she doesn’t, you don’t want to stay in a relationship with someone who does things that hurt you and doesn’t understand why they’re hurtful.
XgreaserX420: Dude it isn’t the end of the world but I understand why it bothered u so much I would feel the same. U gotta out ur foot down man. 2 years is a long time but if u don’t make her stop with the immature shit ur gunna have way more on ur hands later on
baggage-_-claim: Who initially brought up the idea of an open relationship?
samsclubmember666: Tell her
Helloandfuckitimout: Is it cheating though? If the person isn’t bi shouldn’t it be fine? Sounds like some drunk fun
neversiempre: If she watched the clock I would not worry..
asmidd: this might be a boundaries issue and not mainly a loyalty issue.
the agreement you set with her about interest in acts with other people was set 2 years ago, it might be less freah in her memory than in yours, plus many girls think that their guys will just accept anything that they do if only its done with a girl.
if she knew you’d have a problem with this act and did it anyway, regardless of her level of drunkenness, then its a really bad sign about her ability to be loyal and honest. but just remember it might just be that she assumes you’d be fine with it and acted upon that assumption.
find out before jumping to conclusions. but if harsh conclusions arise, don’t be afraid to act accordingly.
hewhoovercomes: She cheated. Get out.