I’m kinkier than my boyfriend is. How can I gently introduce him to kink?
I had a bit of a wild child period after college and got up to all sorts of sexual shenanigans. This was fun, but then I met my boyfriend, fell in love, as you do, and committed to a wonderful, secure, monogamous relationship.
It really is wonderful, I love him more than I can even put into words. However, he is very vanilla. Like, hadn’t done much beyond missionary before I came along.
I know how important sexual compatibility is in relationships, and I’m aware of the issues that can crop up. But he has expressed a willingness to engage in kinkier things in the bedroom, I just don’t think he knows where to start.
So my question is this: what are some good strategies for gently introducing my boyfriend to kinkier things, without making him too uncomfortable?
Tl;dr My boyfriend is very vanilla, I’m kinky. How can I introduce him to kinkier stuff without making him too uncomfortable?
nobodyofinterest4you: Have you sat down and had a conversation about things that turn you on and excite you? Everyone is going to feel differently about different kinks. You could love the thought of bdsm and your bf may never get over the whipping, spanking, etc. If I were in your shoes I would sit down with him and have a conversation about what I like. Something simple like I like when you spank me when we are having sex. Some people would consider that a form of bdsm… what do you think/know about bdsm? Would you want to play around with it?
Just a thought on how you might try approaching it with him. It may be dumbing it down a but, but it depends on how vanilla he is.
Hope this helps.
talkinboutfuckin: It depends, kinky in what way?
NondenominationalToy: I’ve said this a lot on here but… try doing the mojoupgrade quiz together? Or just sit next to him and say, “Hey, I came across this online, let’s have a giggle and look through the questions together.” That way you can gauge his interest or otherwise on a lot of different kinky things.
Hope you guys have fun!
Isopiestic: Like some of the above posters said, I’d start with simple things like blindfold and handcuffs, then maybe introduce roleplaying, more toys, etc. as you go along.
I’d make sure you start with fuzzy handcuffs [like these](https://sextoysformen.co/collections/catalog/products/bondage-cuffs) as well instead of real metal ones haha
magicalgirlklutz: Rope might be a good place to start since it’s fairly easy to get into, many harnesses are simple in nature, and if you start with hemp they sit close enough to the skin you can also play with going outside. With the rope under your clothes, tight enough to make you constantly aware of it’s presence.
It can combine a few things such as bondage and exhibitionism, and they are a lot of fun ties to try out! Just be sure you have a pair of safety scissors on hand and that you both know how to use them.
I think in particular it’s good to emphasize how you feel when engaging in different kinks, particularly ones dealing with pain. To say ‘this feels really good’ or ‘this makes me feel safe’ can help reassure a partner.
FudgeMuffinz21: I started my girl with handcuffs and blindfolds. Sensory deprivation is a great to start, and it allows him to be in control of what he does to you, however vanilla he is.
TravelinMan84: I find it funny that so many feminists are claiming to be more sex driven or kinky than their men lmao. Enough with trying to convince yourselves and others that you’re as horny as men. Lmao