I feel insecure about my sexual kinks, and I don’t know where to turn anymore.
I’ve seen so many of these posts, I have offered advice to most of the depressed sub’s that are confused but now I think I really need some advice.
This first bit is about me, you don’t need to read it but I feel it gives insight. I should put here, most likely I just want attention, and some people to talk to, I feel like as an 18 year old, the fetlife really doesn’t help me. And most other sites to do with kink are full of desperate depressed guys like me or scammers rinsing them.
I first want to say, I have got depression, anxiety and bi-polar, Which are probably the root cause of this but I am not sure, before I knew what I’m going to describe I was so happy most the time. Desperate and lonely but happy at least. I’m an 18 year old guy, from England. I am a virgin, I’ve kissed two different girls, it was awkward and I know they didn’t enjoy it, one even told me haha. I have got a therapist, however she doesn’t know about my kinks as I felt thats (obviously) inappropriate, also my anxiety doesn’t help, I could not just tell her, and my parents have been present most of my sessions. I have been prescribed anti depressants and such, I don’t take them, I have been addicted to xannax, I feel like I can’t function without weed, and I have had issues with many drugs before, the last thing I want to do is take more, legal or not.
So I have gotten to the stage of fantasying of my own suicide simply for attention. Not even to end the pain, I feel no pain anymore I’ve been numb a long time. But I genuinely feel like the only way I can get the attention my soul craves deeply is to cut myself or kill myself. No one gives a shit otherwise, in fact I’m scared to post things like this anywhere els for ridicule and being called an attention whore. (essentially that is me, a pathetic bata male that just wants attention.)
I have never had any luck with women, even getting so desperate that I thought I was gay, as the attention of a guy made me feel so special and finally wanted, I almost became attracted to him.
The thing is, I’ve tried online dating, its shit. The only girls I have met, just want the attention, not a date, or are very submissive, or are just fake. I feel like I could predict that if I actually got a match on tinder, it would be fake. It makes me feel so alone, so unwanted and undesired, but the thing is, girls have liked me. Girls have found my shyness cute, but no girl, ever has been anything but completely turned off by my submission, one girls told me I was most likely gay, and I thought so too for a bit. I really am starting to hate myself, and I feel my sanity cracking, I feel my grip on my own mind becoming exhorted. I don’t know what to do. Thanks for reading. I appreciate it much more than you know. 🙂
I forgot to put this in. I guess my question to make this post relevant is, Well. Is it worth it? Should I genuinely just try and suppress my submissiveness. I honestly feel like if I don’t I’ll be lonely my whole life. I don’t know who to talk to about this either, its such an embarrassing topic.
shyqueenbee: Firstly, I’m not one of them, but there are *definitely* girls with sexually dominant tendencies out there! Secondly, I’m so sorry to hear about all the emotions and things you’ve been dealing with, but I want to mainly focus on the final portion of your post, about trying to suppress your kinks.
You are who you are. And I know from personal experience that it’s easy to say “don’t be ashamed of your kinks” but it’s *much* harder to put that into practice, especially if you’ve spent a long time feeling like there is something wrong with who you are and what you like.
I was in a relationship for almost six years where I did just that — tried to ignore what I wanted and my desire to be submissive (especially because my partner had no interest in dominating me, even outright laughing at the idea on one occasion.) And guess what? It absolutely imploded; despite the fact that we loved each other, the sexual component of our relationship started slowly affecting everything else. I spent over half a decade being untrue to who I was and what I wanted sexually and I regret it *so* deeply.
Now I have a partner who I not only love, but (by some dumb luck!) whose kinks align with mine quite nicely. I feel loved, desired, and appreciated for my fetishes instead of being ashamed of them, and things are incredible.
So keep trying. I thought I was trapped, I thought I was a freak, I thought I would never find someone who would be able to fulfill me sexually. And yet I did. Chin up. You can, too 🙂
Kit4000: You are probably more self aware than many people your age. 18 year old woman are still trying to form their values around sex and many of them wont understand what you need or why.
. I wont lie to you it is difficult for submissive men to find dominant female partners because there are fewer of them and the ones that are out get inundated. I have heard this a lot. But they are out there. It wont happen over night.
How have you used FetLife? Have you found local events and venues to meet and network? This is a good way to connect with people. Most kink communties have TNG grouos for people your age.
The talk of hurting yourself is very concerning. Have you considered counseling at all? Please dont hurt yourself.
Azael_Descends: First off, glad to hear you are in therapy as suicidal thoughts are no joke.
Secondly, there are plenty of dominant women, I have known and met many of them.
Thirdly, and most importantly, **you get to decide your own sexual orientation.** Don’t let some chick decide for you that you are gay, that is not her place to decide that. You are absolutely not gay for being submissive.