My best friend’s BF just tried to use me to get her to rape him
First off, I am very open-minded. Whatever floats your boat. But I take exception here bc this guy was willing to jeopardize a 16-year-old friendship just for one … I dont know what to call it? He wanted an angry lay, basically. I’ll explain…
I’ve not spoken to this guy much in all the years my friend has been dating him bc it seemed we just wouldnt get along and I didnt want to start s*%t (am I allowed to curse here?) so I just left it alone. She loves him, it’s her choice, whatever.
But out of the blue he starts messaging me about making a 3 or 4-way happen. I said he had to talk to HER, but I was open to it. He spent a few days messaging me and saying I was cool and he was surprised by how well we got along – that maybe he’d misread me. I thought the same. I was glad we were finally connecting bc I care about her so much and I want to like who she likes.
But then he started pushing, wanting me to, as he put it, “incriminate myself” by sending him pictures or saying I wanted sex with him. I told him I didn’t WANT it, but I was open to it if my friend was. After more conversation he got upset and eventually admitted that he was only talking to me bc he wanted me to betray my friend and ask to sleep with him so that he could then show her the convo and she would get angry and “rape him out of jealousy” (is how he put it).
He only got upset bc I wouldnt betray my friend, say anything “incriminating” or send him pictures, but HE had been inappropriate in trying to get me to do so. In other words, he only “incriminated” himself – not me, bc I was loyal to her. (HE kept using the word “incriminate,” not me.)
I dont know how to feel about this or what, if anything, I should tell my friend. They seem to have kind of a weird relationship where she sleeps w other men at his request and they play with the boundaries of “taboo” things, from what I can gather. So I honestly dont know how she’d react if I told her about this. She might just say, “yep, that’s him.” Or she might be mad at me for even talking to him – I cant gauge her jealousy level. I’m just angry that he was willing to ruin my friendship with her of 16 years for one night of “jealousy/revenge” sex.
Can someone please tell me what they think I should be feeling or doing in this instance? Because I am shocked, appalled, hurt, and confused.
Duram8r: Talk to your friend. She has a right to know to know what type of situation he’s proposed to you. Otherwise, you may jeopardize your friendship.
magnumthepi: Talk to her, communicate this with her – and walk away from him. No more talk, no more maybe, don’t be interested anymore. If your friend gets mad at you, well then she’s not really much of a friend.
more_than_a_feelin: You need to show your friend the messages. He put you into a bad spot and now you’re there weather you want to be or not. This has big potential to blow up so just be real and show your innocence. It may be awkward but it’s gonna be way less awkward then the other possibilities of if this goes bad…
Lutorysi: Show your friend and then the two of you can find a new guy to have a three way with and send pics to the shitty ex.
Badenguy: Steer far away from that situation, he is very mentally imbalanced, and super manipulative, there is no way your friendship will not be ruined.
He claims she knows about it so there is no reason not to talk to her about it. As soon as he texted you he nullified his rights to any rights of privacy in this matter.
RadicalD11: Just tell your friend and that’s it. However she takes it is up to her.
Whatchamathing: Christ, this dude needs to look into actual, healthy, informed and negotiated BDSM
happyhedonist: Remember that part where some dude you barely know asks if you want to bone your supposed “friend” of 16 years? You pretty much betrayed her the second you didn’t say “no.”
You certainly didn’t act like most “friends” would when you didn’t instantly call or text her to say, “Uh, did you know that your creepy BF just asked if I wanted to have a threesome with you guys….?” Your loyalty was supposed to be with *her* not her immature BF.
I’m pretty sure once she finds out, she’s the one who is going to be shocked, appalled, hurt, and confused.