Cosima Viola on cover of Playboy Germany October 2016.
I’m afraid that I’ll never enjoy sex.
I’ve been sexually active since I was 16 (25f). I’ve had two serious relationships and my fair share of hookups and I’ve hardly felt pleasure while being with someone.
While I was in my last relationship I was attracted to him and he was the only person that I’ve ever felt comfortable with. I always thought that the reason I never enjoyed myself was because of my inability to relax and just let go but I know that’s not the problem anymore, although it does help.
Last night I met up with someone I met on Tinder. We’d been chatting for a while prior and talking to each other about what we want. Me, being fresh out of a relationship I wasn’t looking for anything serious and neither was he. I was excited and turned on waiting and while the night didn’t exactly go smoothly, once we got over the initial nervousness and relaxed it was fun but again I didn’t feel much of anything.
I’ve been browsing here for about a month now hoping to stumble upon an answer as to why I’m feeling this way but instead I’m just left wondering when I’m going to feel all these amazing things that everyone else seems to experience.
imp_of_santa: Everyone has a _frame_: a combination of relationship and situation and stimulation that really makes sex… sexy.
Some people, the frame is real loose: if something warm is rubbing against their naughty bits, they’re happy.
Most people, it’s the standard thing, they are with someone they find physically attractive, whom they like and likes them in return, and they are engaging in close contact, that’s sex and it’s good sex.
Your frame, for whatever reason, is narrower. Your definition of the right person, the right place, the right orifice, and the right silicon-rubber product is so specific, you haven’t even found it yet.
You are going to have to meditate on it, a lot. What do you want from sex? What do you want from another person? What catches your eye on the street? What do you find yourself wishing someone would do to you?
Suppose a guy slapped your face. What would that mean to you? Suppose he stripped naked and groveled at your feet, weeping and begging. Suppose he rode up on horseback, what would he be wearing and would he call your name? Suppose he married you and carried you over the threshold to your bridal bed, where would he kiss you?
I firmly believe there is key for every lock; you just have to find it.
Timtheenchanter215: Are you really talking about sex or sex wit that one select person?
WatchMeJoTA: Well… I don’t know that there’s enough information here to really help.
What *do* you feel when having sex? Is it boredom? Nothing? How do you feel emotionally? What do you think about (when you’re comfortable, not comfortable)? Is there usually foreplay? What do you fantasize about? Do you masturbate and enjoy it?
This information, while some of it may sound intrusive, would, I think, help us help you (perhaps).
8livesdown: Do you mean intercourse, or all sexual activity?