Women’s Secret [Nov 2017]
Girl (20) I (20m) am dating has never ever had an orgasm or masturbated.
We have been going out for 1,5 months and I knew she wasn’t very extroverted from the start, but I never expected that she was mostly devoid of sexual experience or context.
We were watching a film where a woman masturbates during a scene, we hadn’t watched the movie before and neither of us expected it. She started giggling and I told her it’s not like you’ve never done that before, and she said she actually never has while laughing. I thought she was joking but asked her after the movie was finished and she said she actually had never in her life masturbated. Never fingered herself, never stimulated her labia, never stimulated the clitoris. Nada.
She told me that when I touch her over her pants that’s the most anyone has ever touched her. She did kiss guys as a teenager but didn’t date them and no one touched her genitals.
I asked if she had ever had an orgasm and she said no a bit embarrassed.
So, wow. I was not ready for this. I assumed that she was just shy and liked taking things slow but she has no significant sexual experience with her genitals except for me, at all.
What should I do? As in, how do I slowly introduce fingering/stimulation knowing she has no experience at all? It took us several make out sessions for her to feel comfortable touching me and letting me touch her, so how would we work up to touching and eventually sex?
You_can_call_me_Joe: Well, you have two choices off the top of my head for action. Be a good and generous lover, and help her learn slowly and discover herself and some of yourself along the way. Or you can be a bad guy and paint the picture of sexuality how you like and manipulate your preferences to be the norm. You would be surprised how many people actually end up doing the second.
I suggest you take it slow, and keep it simple for a while. Help her learn and you might be surprised what you gain along the journey. You are both very young, and just fresh out of adolescence. No need to rush too much.
NotCoder: Take things at her pace
Ask once and only once If she says no, that doesn’t mean touch her and try to cocerce her into a yes. I hate when guys do this. No, doesn’t mean pause and continue later on. No means cease that sexual activity.
Remember just bc shes making out doesn’t mean, you can rush to fingering her. Sometimes this happens so fast that we woman ( and men but context is woman) don’t get a chance to think about it.
Ask her “ do you want me to finger you “
She is new to sex. So it’s your job to be a good person and do not pressure her, nor coerce her. It will set the tone of sex for her.
If she isn’t saying “ Yes” to sex or sexual things do not proceed.
Do not judge by body language, do not judge by her silence. Only judge consent by a Yes. ( the relationship isn’t familar enough to judge by non verbal cues )
If she says “ mmmh”
Tell her “ if you want it then you need to say what you want”
She respond “ i want you to finger me”
I cannot stress enough you will set the tone of sex for her. This is why this post is a bit more consent focused.
Have a sit down talk with her outside the bedroom and have her set her boundaries with what she isn’t ready to do & what she is ready to do. This will help as a guide so you won’t always be in a guessing area and she won’t be in the pressured area.
I get it you do not want to kill the mood. So when you are wanting to move on. Just simple tell her “ i am going to finger/oral/penetrated yo do you want that”
Also lots of time us humans can feel since we started the sex act we need to finish it. So you should tell her, if she is uncomfortable or no longer wanting it, she can communicate her needs & you will stop.
tcgmike: my girlfriend had never had an orgasm before being with me. at the time she was 17 and i was 19. about 4-6 months into our relationship, we took LSD and ended up having sex. she rubbed her clit while i was penetrating her and eventually she was able to cum, big time. now we know what steps to take during sex, and she cums every time. youll just have to be very patient with her, and very kind and understanding. just take your time and have fun with each other.
Sp00nsauce: No idea, maybe whenever she’s ready.
elkig001: Communication is definitely key here. Even though she is shy, it is crucial that whilst you encourage her to explore you go about it the right way.
Perhaps suggest you go toy shopping so she can choose something you could enjoy together and for her own exploration?
Kudos to you for asking for advice on this one!
Mc-Sl3uth-b3rg3r: EAT. HER. OUT.
heywoodjablowme1: Yeah, I dated a chick who was a “shy virgin.” Except for having swallowed a few gallons of jizz and the fact you could park a VW in her ass . . .