Having oral sex can be amazing— whether you’re giving or receiving. I’m a huge fan. But not everyone is. Now, I get it. Some people can feel anxious and exposed when someone is giving them oral sex. And some people can feel panicky about giving oral sex themselves. But if you breathe through it, you’ll get the hang of it.
“If you suffer from performance anxiety, be sure to breathe,” Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle. “Focus your inhale and exhale using a non obvious pattern to keep you present. If you’re thinking about your inhale or exhale then thoughts can’t pop in your mind. If a new distracting thought enters send it away (say something like” ‘Bye bye thought!”) and go back to inhale exhale.”
Seriously, I always loved giving oral sex, but used to feel so uncomfortable when anyone went down on me. Over the years I managed to get used to it– and then really effing enjoy it. And there are so many great things about oral sex, it’s really worth learning how to relax into it. It’s a great way to feel connected to your partner, plus it just has a basic, raw appeal. Trust. Here’s why you should be getting more of it in your life:
1 A Lot Of Us Need It
Fun fact: Most women can’t orgasm from penetration alone. Estimates vary, but a lot of folks say only 25 percent of women can come from penetration. Most of us need more— and oral sex is a perfect way to get the clitoral stimulation that so many of us need for orgasm.
2 It’s Good To Be Vulnerable Together
I know you can feel exposed— in fact, I used to not like it at all. But when you get over that, you’ll see that there’s a lot of benefit to being exposed with each other. “Being vulnerable sometimes doesn’t sound sexy, but that softness can take your sex to a new level,” sex and relationship counselor Julie Jeske tells Bustle. “…It can include eye contact, asking for what you truly want, being honest about what does or doesn’t feel good, not hiding your body or your pleasure.” When you’re that open, more sexual honesty comes with it— and that’s always a good thing.
3 It Forces You To Be Present
Zoning out during sex is a big problem. But if you’re in a long term relationship, it’s easy to slip out of the moment. When you’re giving oral sex though, you’re going to be focusing on the task at hand. I mean, it’s literally in your face. It’s a good way to snap yourself into what’s happening.
4 You Can Mix It Up
No matter who’s giving or receiving oral sex, there are so many options. It can be kinky or vanilla, romantic or animalistic, fast or slow. You can use toys, use fingers— there are plenty of ways to mix things up. If you and your partner are both open about what works for you, you’ll find plenty of great ways to play.
5 It’s Sexually Treating Yourself
Sometimes it’s nice to have it all about you. Sometimes it’s nice to make it all about your partner. But oral sex is always about treating one of you. “The most amazing lovers focus on pleasing their partner as well as themselves, making sex ‘playtime,’ keeping sex fun,” Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, tells Bustle. Don’t they deserve it? Don’t you?
6 It Slows Things Down
If you’ve been in a relationship a long time, there’s a chance that the sex isn’t like it used to be. Little by little, you start cutting out the extras and just focus on the main course. Now, a little change is normal. “Always remember that relationships aren’t always going to be hot and heavy or identical to when you first meet,” Logan Levkoff, Ph.D., sexologist and sexuality educator tells Bustle. But you can keep some of that initial spark alive. Oral sex is a great way to slow things down and keep the passion in your relationship, just like at the beginning. Take your time with it, enjoy it, and reconnect.
7 It Feels Great
Isn’t that enough? Not everyone loves oral sex— and that’s totally fine. But if you play around, you’ll probably find a version of it that feels amazing for you. Don’t be afraid to include toys and hand play. Soon, it’s just another great sex act to love.
Oral sex is intimate, animalistic, exciting, and sexy as hell. But it’s something that we so often drop when we start feel lazy in the bedroom. Have more oral sex and keep the passion alive.