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[F/18] feeling guilty since I slept w/older men
Tldr: 18/F had a one night stand with a much older man and I feel extremely guilty and dirty about it but really liked it :/
Posting today on a throwaway for obvious reasons, not sure I’m in the right section, feel free to suggest other subs this should be posted in.
I’m a freshman in college and away from home for the first time this semester. Grew up with strict religious parents. When I came to school I was a virgin and I quickly lost it in the first week of school. I felt a little guilty but brushed it off as just enjoying life and it was another boy from my school.
This past weekend I was a mixture of bored and horny so I went out with some friends Friday night…and again saturday night…well I so happened to strike out while looking to hookup and was wondering if something was undesirable about me and was stilll horny lol.
Was chatting with my one friend and she’s like oh you should go on Craigslist you can get whatever you want off there I’ve used it before blah blah blah. So for some reason I take her advice and go on CL Sunday morning and reply to a few posts in the casual encounters section. So the guy that responds backs post was about how he and a few of his buddies would be hanging out drinking beer and watching football and wanted a younger girl that was clean for some raw fun and all this.
So I take an Uber 45 mins from campus to meet these guys and the ad turned out to be everything promised plus more. There’s 4 guys hanging out in this basement and they had me naked, took turns on me all day long…I finally left to go home at midnight after having had arrived at noon…
Ever since I got back home I’ve had two sides fighting this battle within me. One side says, “You’re a wh0re how dare you let those men use your body for their selfish pleasures” and the other side is like, “That was the most amazing day of my life when can I do it again.”
Idk how to feel. Should I be ashamed or eager to try it again?
sandybeachclam: Maybe I’m old and motherly but My only concern is that you went that far to a house full of strangers. Have fun but don’t put yourself in dangerous situations.
leatherisfun: Some thoughts:
* You should not be ashamed, and you might like to try it again.
* You should be careful and wary about this type of sex dominating your time, disrupting relationship, etc. If this becomes your only outlet at some point you may regret it.
* You should look into how to do this a bit more safely. One item if you still want to do this more anonymously on the fly with CL is the following. Look up info on safety calls. Basically you tell your friend hey I’m going here to hookup (leave out the specifics). I’ll call in xx hrs or something is wrong get help. Setup a phrase you have to say to confirm you are okay. Like she asks at some point are we still on for the movie Saturday. You say yes = you are okay. Let the dudes you are with know this is your setup and set an alarm. Then everyone is aware these calls need to occur even if things are heated or the cops are coming
* This playing bareback idea is a bad one with total strangers. With people you trust okay, but a random group sex adventure. Doing this your risks of STDs are in the highest category. Proceed with caution.
* Independent of using condoms you need to make sure you get tested regularly. It’s the responsible thing to do if you are having group sex.
* Is there some reason not to just try it again with the same dudes to get you rocks off again.
* There are groups in various cities on fetlife that you might find interesting that host parties for this. Depending on the party everyone maybe tested, etc.and it might be very well organized. You might even have one guy who organizes a night for you from guys in the group.
BD112: So . . ., 18 year old’s don’t go overnight from virgins to letting a bunch of complete strangers gang bang them. Rebelling against over-religious parents does not explain it. I’d be willing to bet that there’s something else going on. Or that this is some teen in his basement with the throwaway account having fun.
On the off chance that this is true, OP, know that this is not normal behavior. It is destructive and you will ultimately get hurt or worse if you continue with that sort of risky behavior. You should seek help to figure out the root cause of your actions/desires. Good luck.
meltallica82: No one can tell you how you should be feeling about it. That’s entirely up to you. I would however stress the importance of being safe if you do want to try it again. Let someone know where you are, condoms, birth control etc.
buzz55: So it doesn’t sound like the safest thing to do… so maybe don’t put urself in potentially dangerous situations…. but on the sex side of things…. do what makes you happy and who cares about what anyone else would think…. we all have sexual desires and fantasies that blow our minds…. live em out
gerald-cooper: As others have already said, you need to be much, MUCH safer in what you’re doing. Enjoy life and all that, but you could get a disease, pregnant, hurt, or dead if you rush into things that way you did. If you had a strict upbringing maybe you missed out on the sex education, like diseases, condom use, etc… I strongly recommend you seek out some reasources on how to be safer in that way.
jw0987654321: Eager. You should do it more often. Daily maybe
mi24: I hope you let your future partner know about this kind of thing
sykilik101: Question: What reason do you have to feel ashamed?
beccamoo518: Don’t be ashamed, u enjoyed it. Sex is fun. Just be safe, use condoms. In college I had a night like that, hung out with some guys that played on our basketball team. I like a few of them, got a little drunk, and let them take turns on me. It was pretty amazing. So just be safe that’s it, enjoy it.
throwanowai: You have no reason to be ashamed. Your sex life is your own business. You *do*, however, need to be safer. Don’t trust that people you meet will be clean, always use condoms. Don’t trust that people you meet will always have your best interests in mind, follow the advice posted elsewhere in the thread:
>You should look into how to do this a bit more safely. One item if you still want to do this more anonymously on the fly with CL is the following. Look up info on safety calls. Basically you tell your friend hey I’m going here to hookup (leave out the specifics). I’ll call in xx hrs or something is wrong get help. Setup a phrase you have to say to confirm you are okay. Like she asks at some point are we still on for the movie Saturday. You say yes = you are okay. Let the dudes you are with know this is your setup and set an alarm. Then everyone is aware these calls need to occur even if things are heated or the cops are coming
As long as you are proceeding safely, there’s consent all around, and nobody is getting hurt, that’s the only thing that matters. Don’t let anyone try to slut shame you out of enjoying your life.
casino_night: It’s probably just a phase you’re going through. Growing up with strict, religious parents can do that. I don’t think this will last forever. I would caution you to be safe, though. At the very least, have your own mode of transportation, let people know where you are and be with people you can be comfortable with. Craigslist is a haven for the weirdos and the desperate…probably not the best place to look.
zagzigity: Be careful! Be safe!
oipRAaHoZAiEETsUZ: you shouldn’t feel ashamed at all, but you should be way more practical. could have been dangerous, and in fact might still turn out to have *been* dangerous. get tested for STDs, get on FetLife or something, make sure a friend who respects your privacy knows where to look if you go somewhere random like that.
PPpupu: I am shocked this is being encouraged. Our civilization is doomed. Quit sleeping around, find a decent guy, get married, have kids. If you don’t follow this path you will be a suicidal cat lady by 40 when you realize you are dried up. Don’t sleep around until 30 and decide you want to “settle down” or “find a nice guy”. That ship will have sailed. Take this advice and quit listening to these feminists or you are going to be in a living Hell sooner than you think. Won’t need to wait for the Hell your parents told you about.
brownpussyeater: You sound like a fun gal.