Deborah Fialho Secco (born November 26, 1979 in Rio de Janeiro (city), Brazil) is aBrazilian actress. Deborah was born into a lower-middle-class family. She has appeared in many shows of the soap opera genre and in several telenovelas. She has also appeared in several films, mostly of the drama genre. She actually became very famous after ‘Bruna Surfistinha’ a 2011 Brazilian drama film based on the 2005 drama book O Doce Veneno do Escorpião by Raquel Pacheco.
Examples of how you observe “the campsite rule”
How do you observe the Campsite Rule in your flings, short term things, and beyond? And what have you learned from previous lovers?
Dan Savage (Savage Love) has a concept he calls “the campsite rule:”
“If you’re in a sexual relationship with somebody significantly younger or less-experienced than you, the rule that applies at campsites shall be applicable to you: you must leave them in at least as good a state (physically and emotionally) as you found them in. That means no STDs, no unwanted pregnancy, not overburdening them with your emotional or sexual baggage, and so on. Younger partners and particularly virgins will often take everything given to them by an older, more experienced partner as being “written in stone,” and will carry around everything they learn from them for the rest of their life: so treat them right!” (https://danq.me/2008/05/14/campsite/)
Some of Dan’s readers’ experiences with The Campsite Rule: https://www.thestranger.com/seattle/savage-love-web-extra/Content?oid=572102
Things I’ve learned recently:
1. Having a talk about STIs/condoms, and other aspects of what you prefer in bed doesn’t have to be difficult. One man I saw recently texted me this link before we slept together and we spent 15 mins going through the questionnaire before we got in bed: http://maketimeforthetalk.com/
(Note: i haven’t given this link to anyone yet, but I think it’s a cool tool, especially if you want to talk about this stuff but you’re not sure how to bring it up.)
2. Same dude texted me a couple weeks after our last meeting to tell me he had decided to pursue another relationship. He didn’t have to do that, but it was a nice, respectful way to give closure to an otherwise open-ended FWB situation. Far preferable to ghosting, and avoids any awkwardness if I tried to hit him up later (but he hadn’t told me.)
3. Was seeing a guy but the sex wasn’t clicking. I gave it a few sessions to see, but it never worked out. I told him in person that I really liked him and I wanted so bad for it to work, but that the sex wasn’t working. I cried, and he hugged me for several minutes and thanked me for being honest.
So, lessons here are a.) be honest with yourself and your partner if there’s a dealbreaker, and b.) if someone honestly communicates something difficult to you, try to turn toward them and be empathetic, instead of reacting in a cold way because it’s painful.
lovetowatchthembounc: That’s super smart advice…..
chamster74: I’ve been with a few younger guys, and one virgin. If I ever end up with a virgin again, I’m definitely doing things differently. I’m a very generous and sensual lover, so I make sure they don’t feel used, and it’s always been very positive experiences. After the virgin, I’d only do it in a bed, even if it means renting a room (we did it in the back seat of my truck) for their first time. I think every guy deserves a more relaxed experience if he’s hooking up with an older guy. I’ve also gotten more verbal- telling them what I’m doing, and why, reassuring them that is normal to hurt a bit to start, don’t try to force it, relax, etc. Telling them how sexy they are, good they kiss, or if a particular thing they do feels really good.
I think the key to great sex is being considerate, and after plenty of really crappy hook ups where the other guy gets off then basically gets dressed while you jerk off, I decided I want to be the bright spot in another person’s sexual panoply, not the dude they cringe about.
Schweinorg: This sounds like good dating advice altogether, though the age thing could be dropped.
An older, more secure person might be able to handle baggage better. Or they might not. Age isn’t always a barometer of self-confidence and maturity.
Just don’t screw your partner over if you can help it. I understand that everyone makes mistakes. We often hurt the people we love. Just try. Try to be graceful even in a breakup. Even if you don’t love them anymore, try to let them down gently.
redditlikesc: I had a two year FWB relationship with a man 18 years younger. I tried to be my most calm, straightforward self. His kinks and my kinks didn’t always line up, and I would tell him. “Hey, if you like this it’s great, also that’s not for me.” He really likes rough sex; I do too, but not with casual partners. When I felt conflicted about it after, I told him; I didn’t let the casual/not living together bit override me telling a partner why I was reluctant to have more sex.
I made an effort to tell him how beautiful he is–to let him see how turned on I can get.
I’ve been not good at asking for what I want, or not feel free to enjoy myself. If he stays in his age group, I hope he’s spiritually generous with women who have these types of hang ups.
unicorns-: As someone who is quite a few years younger than my husband (who was my first boyfriend), and was a virgin when we met, I find the “campsite rule” pretty condescending.
I was 22 when we met and started dating. Not a helpless, fragile teenager who didn’t understand how sex or relationships work. All partners should be treated right, and younger/virgin partners should as well, but they don’t need to be coddled or treated differently than other partners.