25 Men Answer “What’s The Difference Between A Girl You Date And A Girl You Just Hook Up With?”
Eliza Sys by Aaron Feaver for Live Fast Magazine (May 2014)
Eliza Sys is a model from Belgium
The difference is I have lower standards
The girl i want to date is intelligent and funny. the girl i want to hook up with just needs to be disease free and have good looks.
The difference is which way she makes you feel
Hook up – can’t wait to tell your friends you fucked her.
Date – can’t wait to tell your friends you met her.
The difference is there can be a future there
Generally when you just hook up with someone, you get along with them well enough and find them pleasant to be around, but, speaking only for myself, you just know that there are larger compatibility issues that would prevent a relationship from thriving. These issues could be practical, such as living very far away or working odd hours, or they could be personal, such as knowing the other person has an incompatible set of life goals (she may want to be a world traveler, you may want to settle down). It’s not that there’s anything particularly wrong with that person per se, but you just don’t have the same level of compatibility — which includes, but is not limited to, interests, communication styles, sense of humor, values and intellectual levels — that you would with someone you would date.
The difference is she makes you care about more than just sex
You want to sleep with both. You only want to wake up next to one.
The difference is how their face looks
I vaguely remember some study basically saying that guys will hook up with a hot body and okay face, but they’d rather date a girl with a nice face and okay body.
The difference is whether she is smart
The girl I want to date has a vagina and a brain, the girl I want to hook up with must only need the former.
The difference is whether I feel guilty about fantasizing about her
The first one I think about while masturbating. The second one I think about while masturbating, and then feel bad about it.
The difference is whether I tell my friends about our sex life
I would do terrible, degrading things in the bedroom to the girl I want to hook up with.
I would still do those to the girl I’d date, but I’d have the decency not to tell others about those shameful disgusting things.
The difference is whether she has the trifecta
Attractive and smart? Hook-up. Attractive, smart, and sane? Dating material.
The difference is whether she has more than sexual chemistry with me
As someone who did the casual thing for about 9 and a half years before meeting and getting to know my current gf (also a redditor and probably reading this), I’ll try and give my take.
Hookups tend to be based on aesthetics and sexual chemistry alone. I had sex with a lot of women who were absolutely not my type (vastly different interests, beliefs, etc) and it was purely about the physical. If a girl took an emotional shine to me it was a turnoff. I was basically substituting self-worth for sex and it worked in the short-term. Every new attractive hookup was an affirmation of self, and my batting average was high. That’s not to say there weren’t girls who I had feelings for, but my trust issues meant that I stifled the feelings and kept them at arm’s length, or inexpertly blurted out how I felt while drunk and made a hash of it.
I really don’t wanna come off like a misogynist, but I respect a woman more if she doesn’t just put out straight away. It’s down to trust and I don’t think I could trust a girl who would just sleep with me the first time we meet to not do the same with others. Probably a self-esteem thing too. My head was a little fucked before, due to being screwed over and hurt in the past (if you didn’t already guess that when I said I’d been single by choice for nearly a decade).
Date material on the other hand, insofar as my subjective notion of it applies, is a girl who is creative, intelligent, fun, sweet, interesting, etc – all the things my girlfriend is. It’s early days really, but I love spending time with her, I consider myself lucky to know her, and I trust her. That’s the real difference, I guess. The fact that she’s gorgeous on the outside too is just a bonus – I can’t help but feel a little smug.
The difference is she’s more than just hot
Hookup : attractive (and this varies based on degree of boredom)
Date: Has features other than attractiveness
The difference is she has opinions on my niche interest
Her opinions on fantasy novels.
The difference is how my mom would feel about it
I want to date the girl my mom would be proud of. I want to fuck the girl my mom would be appalled at.
The difference is how many of a man’s standards you meet
The best analogy I can think of is the difference between an enlisted member of the Navy and a Navy SEAL. As men, we have two very distinct sets of standards. Generally speaking, the “hookup” standard is anywhere from a tick to a massive chasm lower than the “dating” standard. Want my cock tonight? If you’re reasonably attractive, not a total bore/annoyance, and interested, you can make it happen. It’s no commitment, so there’s no need to delve too deeply into it. Many, many girls can pass the “hookup” standard.
However, dating means commitment. Dating carries a tremendous opportunity cost for the sexually active single male. You are throwing away an unknown amount of pussy, of unknown quality. It’s like telling a game show contestant not to take the mystery box. Experience tells you that the prize inside is going to disappoint, but it’ll all be worth it that one time when the box has tickets to Hawaii in it. Similarly, your experience tells you that most drunken random sexual partners will range from “mediocre” to “above average,” but the fantasy of going home with the double-jointed gymnast overpowers that.
So if a man can find sexual satisfaction while single, the cost-benefit analysis of a relationship is pretty uneven. In order for the percieved benefits to outweigh the percieved costs, the girl in question needs to be an absolute no-brainer. Meeting the bare-minimum hookup standard isn’t good enough. You’ve got to be a total package. Physical attractiveness, intelligence, sense of humor, core values, etc. Sexual compatibilitly is huge, too.
Just because you meet the hookup standard doesn’t necessarily mean you meet the dating standard. It’s unfortunate, but true.
The problem is, most women don’t operate this way. The gap between “hookup-worthy” and “couple-worthy” is usually a lot smaller. From my experience, if a girl is willing to sleep with you she’s at least curious about a possible relationship. If things are going well and you’re seeing each other regularly (even if it is only for sex), she takes this as a sign that you want to see her, and things are progressing. Even though there is a better-than-average chance that it’s just a sign you want your dick wettened.
The difference is her personality
Both are willing to sleep with us, only one is worth holding an actual conversation with. If you put out but get rejected, youre most likely annoying, or just to easy to pass up.
The difference is whether she is hot or beautiful
I classify attractiveness into two categories: beautiful and hot. If a girl is hot (which is determined by the body below the neck, if y’know what I’m sayin’), then I would hook up with them. If a girl is beautiful (determined by shape of the body, face, etc.) and not completely crazy or stupid, then I would date them.
The difference is how old I am
The difference is what her future looks like
It’s an issue of respect. Before I got married, I rarely found a girl that I respected enough to want to date. This has a lot to do with intelligence, hobbies, and ambition. I’m not going to date a girl who is worse than me at everything. Likewise, I’m not going to date a girl who is going nowhere in her life and has no plan. On the other hand, if she’s at least attractive she is hook-up material, but not someone I would want to spend time around with my clothes on.
There is no difference, for me
The girls I want to hook with are the girls I want to date.
I welcome sex early and often… And any girl I am with should at least have the potential to be a romantic partner.
Why? Hooking up with a girl I wouldn’t want to date is also known as “sticking dick in crazy”. At least in my experience, it doesn’t end well.
The difference is whether she makes me work for it
The best way to avoid becoming a hookup is to not sleep with the guy unless he makes a bit of a commitment. It’s the girls who make me work for that I end up dating. The girls who sleep with me right away and expect me to wife them up always end up disappointed because I simply can’t bring myself to respect them enough.
The difference is the presence of a super-majority of attractive traits
I’ll hook up with nearly any female within my age group, given proper alcohol and relative desperation. They need only bear the minimum of desirable traits, and then only in a very sparse amount. Vaguely interesting? Average looking and not overweight? Not a completely unforgivable cunt? Clean looking? I’d hit that.
I’d prefer to date nice, smart, attractive, interesting, kind women.
More specific to the FWB-type relationship. She’ll usually get a simple majority of desirable traits, but it usually takes a super-majority to push into the dating zone.
The difference is one happens a lot more than the other
I think it differs from person to person. Personally, I’m much more likely to indulge in a random hook-up than I am to actually date a girl. This is for a lot of reasons.
In order to hook up with someone I really just need to be attracted to them at that moment, and it really only needs to be physical attraction. Maybe she’s looking really good that night. Maybe I’m drunk. Whatever.
There have been times when a girl’s personality has been a total deal breaker, but it’s a lot more difficult to screw up a hook-up than a potential relationship because it’s easier for me to overlook a bad personality, or one that just doesn’t mesh all that well with mine, if I don’t intend to spend more time with them.
Beyond that, I don’t generally actively look for relationships. The only times I pursue it are if I’ve met a girl and we just seem to click in multiple ways. I’m not against commitment, but I’m not seeking it, either. I’m willing to take that plunge if there’s a sufficient amount of chemistry between us, but I am not the type of person who will date for the sake of dating. If I decide to ask a girl out on a proper date in the first place I’ve probably already decided that I can easily see myself with her for a while.
In order for me to really date someone I need to be able to talk to her easily, we need to share a few similar interests, she needs to possess (or at least appear to have) certain values/virtues, she needs to be reasonably intelligent, and she has to be at least somewhat attractive (at least to me).
The difference is whether she’s kinky
The difference is lots of anal and ATM. The more anal and ATM is more hookup, and the opposite spectrum is for dating.
The difference is how interesting she is
The common denominator is attraction, but since I’m not always in a talkative mood, I’ve found the following to be true:
Date: A girl who I actually want to listen to.
Hook up: A girl I don’t want to listen to, at all.
The difference is whether she makes me want to improve
The girl I want to hook up with has no respect for herself and neither do I.
The girl I want to date makes me a better person.