28 with my [M29] boyfriend.
So I’ve finally decided to post this after thinking about it for a while. I’m very self conscious of this particular issue but also very aware of it and I would like to fix it.
My bf and I have been together for about 4.5 years. We’re very serious, have a house together, we know we’re going to be together forever, etc. I find him very attractive and he finds me attractive, too. We have sex about 3-5 times a week on average I would guess. However, I would like that number to be higher, and most nights I am DTF. I’ve spoken to my bf about this, we’ve had multiple conversations, and I think what it boils down to is that I feel weird about initiating sex. I’m not sure why I feel weird about it, and it’s more like it makes me feel weird than I feel weird about doing it, if that even makes sense. Usually he initiates it, and even that sometimes can make me feel weird. Again, I don’t know why!! Once we get down to it, it’s awesome and intimate and sexy and all those things sex should be, but sort of in the foreplay moments I can get these feelings of being very shy and almost… judgmental? of what is happening. Like I can’t get into the moment or I’m trying so hard to be in the moment, to make it feel “perfect”, that it backfires. Like from the time it’s established that we’d like to have sex to the time that the sex actually starts, that in between time just always makes me feel awkward for some reason. Sometimes it can make me feel awkward enough that we don’t end up having sex, though these times are very rare.
Does anyone else experience this? Any tips or advice or insight into how I can work on changing it???
odiedodie: Here’s my advice.
Place your hand on his groin while cuddling on the sofa.
This can be a sexual gesture or not.
If he’s not in the mood he will not do anything, if he is he’ll start gyrating.
If he does nothing but you still want something then you’re gonna have to start some caressing until he gets the picture.
neverheardofitbefore: I think it helps if you don’t look at the foreplay as a means to an end. In your head pretend you’re not going to have sex and that you’re just fooling around. Hopefully that will take the pressure off and more likely that not sexy time will happen as a result
ThomasTgeDankEngine: My girlfriend says: “i had a similar problem. I’m a very horny person but I would get a little guarded when he tried to go down on me or stimulate me. I don’t remember why right now, I would feel very weird. But then we had a conversation and he said eating me out really turned me on and my perspective changed. I really liked the idea of him getting pleasure and from then on, I don’t feel guarded.
Do what makes you comfortable.
When you are alone with him in the kitchen, if you feel like it start rubbing his penis over the pants and kissing his neck.
Tease him. Some men like it when their gals take control. Ask your partner about it and see if that would interest him.
praisethellama: I experience this…as far as feeling….uncomfortable I guess up until we bone. I’ve got no tips. I think for me its anxiety. Like if foreplay is taking awhile I get too focused on how long its taking, and how I have to be at work tomorrow, and that just makes it take longer.
zlipus: you’re overthinking it seems like.
It doesn’t have to be a perfect gesture of love every time my dear.
I’ve posted this before but me and my last fwb were laying in bed on our stomachs watching some mad max. She bumped me with her booty at some point and i just looked over at her like “THE HELL YOU WANT!!!”, she just gave a smile and raised her eyebrows twice and it was ON!
Even had a hug turn into sex before. We were both tired and just hugged and held each other, turned into a few mins of holding… to both of us kissing… and so on and so forth.
If you want sex, let your desire be known. Guys are easy, yet clueless about taking hints lol. If hes DTF he’ll respond. But be careful to not take rejection personally.