Don’t want the honeymoon period to end …
Sorry, this is going to be long.
My boyfriend (26) and me (28f) have been together for two years. Our sex life was super passionate and super intimate from the very beginning and we typically had sex every day, sometimes twice a day (we’re long distance though so we only see each other every two weeks for a long weekend, unless we’re both on uni holidays, then we’ll spend most days together). I enjoyed that frequency a lot, I’d never experienced sexual passion and raw attraction like that in previous relationships. I truly thought this was our special connection, not just the so-called “honeymoon phase” (to be honest I hate that term – call me naive and too romantic but my expectation for a relationship is for a high amount of passion in the longterm, not just in the beginning – I won’t be satisfied with mere companionship and duty sexy. Of course that requires work and I am more than willing to put up the work! I have learned from past relationship mistakes and always try to communicate openly and constructively with my boyfriend.)
Also, I’d never thought of myself as HL at all, in previous relationships I struggled with my very low libido – it seems my boyfriend made a sex monster out of me? I can’t help just being so attracted to him.
In the past 6-8 months, our sex frequency has very slowly dwindled. First, he stopped iniating sex twice a day (he always initiated generally, that never was a problem though). If I then initiated, for example in the evening, he’d turn me down, saying “but we already had sex today!” – as if that had stopped him before!! Then, he stopped initiating daily sex and would often be “too tired”, so our sex frequency dwindled to every other day or 2x per 4 day weekend that we’d spend together.
I started to feel quite rejected – I am young and quite attractive by normal standards (I work as a model to finance my studies), I haven’t gained weight and I always take care of my appearance and personal hygiene.
Also, I had made it a point from the beginning to never reject him sexually, unless I’m sick for example – even when I’m personally not in the mood for PIV/sex, I can still help get him off by hand or mouth, because why not??? He is my boyfriend and I love him and I love giving him pleasure, why would I refuse him that?
But maybe that was stupid of me, I’m not sure anymore.
Anyway, about two weeks ago I finally had the heart to tell him about my feelings, after being rejected three times in one weekend. He acted totally surprised – claiming we still had sex every day (not true, I’ve kept tabs, as crazy as that sounds), that he enjoyed the sex we had very much, that he was as attracted to me as ever, etc! Ok, I accepted that and put it down to the general stress he’s facing at the moment (family and uni stuff).
However, a couple of days later, on a saturday evening, I put on some new very sexy black lace lingerie and sat next to him in bed – he promptly told me to get dressed because he was “looking forward to going out for drinks tonight”. IT WAS ONLY 8:30PM!!!! That was such a blow to me – I just couldn’t understand how he could tell his girlfriend in sexy lingerie to “get dressed”.
Anyway, we spent the last weekend together again and he initiated sex every day, which was nice I guess, but I must admit I was a bit apprehensive. On our last night together, the situation escalated again – he started stroking my breasts etc even though we had had sex in the morning, but to me it seemed halfhearted and unmotivated (maybe I was just paranoid) so I shut it down. We had a long discussion were I finally wanted him to really dig deep into himself and tell me the truth! I told him that I completely understand if he’s very stressed and overburdened by life at the moment, and if that’s the reason for his apparent drop in libido, I’d of course accept that and try to support him where I can. But I also asked him if it could simply be down to the length of our relationship, the end of the “honeymoon period”, where some people/couples stop having sex as often – and he said “maybe”. I must admit that really really crushed me. Because for me, my feelings and sexual attraction for him hasn’t gone down at all since the beginning. He has since then tried to take it back and claims he was just confused and doesn’t know what’s going on blabla, but what has been said has been said – and I can’t seem to get over it. Am I silly? Is this just a normal part of longterm relationships that I need to accept? Can anybody understand just why this “maybe” hurts me so much?
tl;dr: Have been with boyfriend for two years, we had tons of sex at first, now not so much – he says it’s “maybe” due to the end of our honeymoon period. This makes me very sad and I don’t know how to deal.