Because sometimes staring at your life-size cutout of Drake isn’t cutting it.
12 Subtle Ways to Turn Yourself On
It’s not always easy to get in the mood, whether you’re prepping for sex with someone else or you just want to give yourself a quickie. Here are some horniness hacks to get your, um, juices flowing. (Sorry.)
1. Watch the middle 40 minutes of Magic Mike. That’s when most of the naked grinding happens.
When You’re Both the Other Woman
2. Watch Beyoncé’s “Partition” video. Just do it. You know it works.
3. Listen to audio-only porn. People submit audio files of themselves masturbating and having sex, and you can do with that what you will. If nothing else, it’s totally bizarre and great. Also you can listen to it on your headphones at work. No judgment.
4. Listen to this masturbation playlist. Just let the music wash over you like liquid horniness.
5. Search “French kiss GIF” on Tumblr. Look, I know that makes me sound like I’m 12, but when you’re not remotely turned on yet, searching “monster dicks” is a little aggressive. Not all of the GIFs are going to be great, but some of them really, really will be. And that’s a start.
6. Watch some sexy, foreplay-focused feminist porn. Erika Lust is a total badass who makes feminist porn aka porn in which women are the focus, and they actually look like they’re getting turned on and getting off. Some of her videos are subscription-based, but some are free as well. Highly recommend.
7. Take a hot shower and then walk around naked like you’re criminally hot because you are. You’re already naked and you look super dope, plus there’s water. Use really great-smelling bath stuffs, put lotion on every single part of your body afterward, and just be with yourself. No texting, no distractions. Just sit with yourself in your awesome body and be present in it.
8. Think about your hottest past sexual experience. Everyone has one sexual experience that if they even think of it accidentally, they have to leave the room to take care of some things. Think of that moment on purpose.
9. Have anonymous chatroom sex. Sure, it’s probably a bunch of weirdo Olds, but you don’t know that, and you never need to find out that it’s not the guy who works at the Starbucks downstairs because in your mind, it totally could be/is. ‘Sup, Bryce? Let’s do this.
10. Read an erotic story. Even if you feel like that’s not something you’d be into, sites like Kara’s Porn for Women, Nifty, and Alt.Sex.Stories let you use popular search terms to try and figure out what you might like. One of the search terms is “hunks” so if you’re into hunks, you’re welcome.
11. Dance in your room alone. Doesn’t even have to be anything particularly sexy. I’m not saying you should put on The Muppet Movie soundtrack, but it can be whatever you feel like at the moment. The more you move your body and feel really good about it, the easier it’ll be to want to move your body in, uh, other ways.
12. Watch videos of your favorite celebrity doing interviews. I know most people would say to look up photos of him shirtless, but I’m trying to get your mind working with your body here, and actually watching the way he moves and speaks can make it easier to imagine him doing other things. #ChrisEvans #ChrisEvansForever.