GIRLFRIEND VS CAM GIRL [help needed]
OKAY. So my boyfriend and I have been together for around a year. I think for both of us this is our healthiest and favorite relationship of all time. We share humor, goals, a level of attractiveness, favorite authors, types of music, hobbies, etc. Everything is literally perfect, except for me, this one thing.
We don’t have very much sex. This seems to matter more to me (26F) than to him (34M).
He was single for a long time before we got together. I know he masturbated frequently in that time, and I think most of it was to cam girls.
When we first got together sexual activity was frequent, but he had some troubles keeping it up for the performance.
I personally feel like this made him feel bad, like maybe embarrassed.
Now were almost at a year, and the sex isn’t there. I thought it would get better or more comfortable, but I am worried for him it has gone opposite. Like we have sex mayyyyybe 3 times a month right now.
I asked him and he said the drive isn’t really there for him as much now. But I am pretty sure he is into cam girls still. I don’t want to just search his internet history because I feel like that is a serious betrayal. But at this point I don’t know what I should do. (I just want to know what is happening. Like has he really hit a libido low? Does he have needs that he won’t talk to me about? I feel like we’ve been really open about everything, but this is starting to become an issue and I really don’t want it to be.)
I am 26 and I personally feel like I am very attractive. (Or at least I shower, exercise, and have a nice enough face.) I have a strong sexual urge and am really attracted to my boyfriend. I want to have sex with him. I want it literally all the time. I want to feel desired. Lusted after.
-also I am not against initiating it or doing things like logging on to my webcam and giving him a show, but he just doesn’t really go for it.
I know this is so much, but I am desperate. I am asking you, for help. What do I do?
I have tried to bring it up. He is willing to talk to me. He tells me that masturbation used to be like stress relief and from boredom. He says he is happy now and doesn’t feel like he needs sex all the time. But he agrees that we should have sex more often, but then it doesn’t happen.
WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST I DO?
Don’t be afraid to be specific. – Like I have talked to him about it, so if you suggest that what should I say?
I don’t want to nag him or turn this into something bigger than it has to be. I don’t want a complicated sex life. I just want to have fun.
tl;dr, Need Help because I don’t know if my boyfriend really has a low libido or if he is getting he sexual pleasure from somewhere else.
barefootone: Firstly, women’s libido goes up toward their 30’s while men decline s bit over time after their 20’s so this could partly be to blame. More than anything, however, I think this is part of a normal loving relationship. Firstly the book Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel will explain this interesting dynamic very well and help you to understand what you need to do about it. Second, I think 3 times a month is totally fine as a number so long as both of you are happy, so make sure you just don’t have expectations on the number itself. Finally, focus on your relationship, read the book, and don’t worry about cam girls. Even if he’s watching them, stopping him or catching him will make little difference. They are not a replacement for you and I’m sure he doesn’t think so either.
EllaGDesires: I suggest not talking about it.
Sometimes, talking about it can ruin the mood.
Stick on some sexy underwear and lounge around on the bed, sometimes men want what they can’t have. So look your best and do your best to seem uninterested. I’m sure he will come running.