Gemma Newman, Photodromm Set
How hard can it be: you just rub your clit, right? At least, that’s what I thought when I first encountered a dirty book and discovered that rubbing just right through the crotch of my jeans made some kind of pants-magic happen. And I was technically right: to masturbate I basically just need to rub my clit. But had I stuck to that forever, I’d have missed out on a whole world of varied female masturbation tips that have significantly enhanced my life.
So, whether you’re a beginner and you want to know how to masturbate for the first time, or you’re a long-time wanker like me and you want know how to masturbate like a pro would, let’s get stuck in.
Masturbation tips for women
How to masturbate using your hands
For first-timers, know that there are many different ways to masturbate. If you’ve got a vagina and a clitoris, both of these can be included in a good wank, along with other things too: your labia are incredibly sensitive, as are your nipples. Forget what you might have seen in porn – the best thing about masturbation is that you don’t need to play to an audience or worry about what’s ‘normal’ or ‘typical’ – you just need to find what works best for you.
The most obvious way to masturbate – rubbing your clit directly – is naturally bloody lovely. But with a bit of lube (or spit, which works equally well) rubbing around the general area rather than directly can be a great way to build up. Some people find that rubbing the clit directly is a bit too intense, so they prefer to rub around it, or close the labia over it and get some indirect stimulation by rubbing over the top. Think of it like a massage, just one which gets faster as you get closer to climax.
Using fingers (one, two, or however many you feel comfortable with) can feel great, especially if you curl them towards the front wall of your vagina, where it’s extra sensitive. Try stroking the inner walls of your vagina, or using your fingers to make a thrusting motion if that’s your bag. But if you’re a fan of internal stimulation, please choose your implements wisely. Googling ‘how to masturbate’ brings up all kinds of worrying things: ‘how to masturbate with a hairbrush’, for instance, or a toothbrush, deodorant can – all sorts of things. If you’re rubbing externally over your knickers or jeans, then there’s probably not much to worry about. But if you’re looking to insert, I’d advise against it. As a general rule, if you’re putting something in your vagina you need to have a pretty solid idea of how it’s going to get out again afterwards. And if something’s going anywhere near your warm wet bits, be aware of the material it’s made of and how you’re going to clean it so you avoid infections with repeated use.
How to masturbate with a sex toy
Which brings me neatly on to sex toys. There’s a weird myth that sex toys are essential for women who want to know how to masturbate properly – as if your hands are somehow not good enough tools. Here’s the deal – sex toys aren’t vital for a great wank, but they can definitely enhance a good wanking session with new and intriguing sensations. Have a go manually first and work out what you like best. If you’re a clitoral fiend and you think the harder and more powerful the better, then grab yourself a really good bullet vibrator or a wand toy. If you like internal stimulation, then explore dildos of various shapes and sizes to see what suits you best. Naturally you can combine two of these things for what I’m going to call an ‘executive wank’, or grab something like a rabbit vibrator which does both at once.
Some of the most common questions around wanking involve how to do it in certain scenarios – how to masturbate on your period, how to masturbate in the shower, that kind of thing. When you’re on your period, masturbation’s not off the table or anything and some people say that a good orgasm can help to alleviate their cramps. If you use tampons then you might want to stick to clitoral rubbing to avoid mess on the bedsheets. If you prefer sex toys: that’s fine too. Period blood doesn’t damage sex toys or anything, just wash them afterwards like you normally would. Masturbating in the shower? Same deal. Do it as you normally would, just make really sure you aren’t going to slip and fall halfway through. Get a non-slip mat, or kneel down (high-five to my teenage self for discovering this technique) and make the most of the fact that your bathroom’s probably the only room in the house with a door lock.
When I first started masturbating, my key concern was how to masturbate quietly. If you’re living with your parents or in a shared house, you might be nervous about them hearing the buzzing or rumbling of a vibrating toy. For this I’d recommend a nice, thick duvet which you can tent over your legs so no one can hear the shuffle, and a lubed-up manual wank, or wank with a dildo (How to masturbate without lube? Spit, obviously). Just make sure that you bite your lip or the pillow when you get close to the best bit.
Talking of pillows, I read a pretty hot erotic story once in which a lady went into great and delicious depth about how to masturbate with a pillow. It turns out that while I lacked imagination, this technique is pretty common, particularly among people who are just starting out on their self-love journey – working out how to masturbate for the first time by simulating the humping during sex. You hold the pillow between your legs, so it’s tight up against your vulva, and get your hips and thighs involved as you grind away.
How to masturbate hands free
This doesn’t work for me, as I need more direct stimulation, but the same trick can be done with a wand toy if you want to try to masturbate hands-free. Hands-free masturbation is a great way to masturbate for longer. It’s well worth trying if you, like me, are so used to a quick hand shandy that you can knock one out during an ad break and be back at the telly before you miss any of the opening credits. Grab a wand toy, dildo, or bullet vibrator and position it so that it’s reasonably snug against your clit. This might mean putting it down your pants, or simply lying it on the bed so you can grind against it – whatever works for you. The point is though, that by taking your hands out of the equation you’re challenging yourself to find new ways to come, bringing bits of your body (hips, thighs, stomach muscles) into play that you otherwise might not use. It gives you a longer wank because you’re not just making the same old movements that bring you towards orgasm, and my as-yet-unconfirmed suspicion is that it trains me to come more easily in other situations (like sex) as well.
How to try edging
Finally, I can’t possibly write an article about how to masturbate without mentioning the classic masturbation technique: edging. Edging is the practice of bringing yourself close to an orgasm (the ‘edge’, if you will) and then stopping just before you come. You pause for a short while – just long enough that you know you won’t tip yourself over with the next touch, then begin again. Repeat this, each time stopping before you get close to coming, then eventually reward yourself with a lovely big orgasm. It’s intense, because you’ve built up more than you normally would, and it’s also a great way to learn self-restraint if you – like me – hoover up orgasms like you would free sweets, only with no worries that they’ll ever have to rot your teeth.
Don’t worry if you are one of these people, by the way. Whether you’re just starting out on your self-love journey, or you’re a seasoned wanking enthusiast with a wardrobe full of dildos, masturbation is one of the healthiest, simplest ways for you to have some fun. And there’s no rule about how many times you’re allowed to masturbate each day, so experiment, improvise, and enjoy: remember, you’re probably the best lover that you will ever have.
How to masturbate: tips from a professional masturbator
I’m LittleRedBunny, a webcam girl you can find online at LittleRedBunny.com, and the art of masturbation is a huge part of my job.
Being a webcam performer is equal parts erotic dancer (I spend a lot of time teasing, dressed in vintage lingerie), bartender (I love swapping stories with my online friends), and an expert in the art of pleasure (masturbation is heightened through the intimate sexual connections we make). This profession gives me some unique insight into self-love, which I’m happy to share.
Don’t be inhibited
Sexuality is a natural instinct – and it’s important not to be inhibited about that but accept that it’s part of who you are.
I went through puberty a little earlier than others of my age, and this led me to discover how the body changes sexually and how we become women even while we’re still young teenagers.
We mature, develop and grow as people through masturbation. It allows us to experience different things, to know who we are and how to please our bodies when the urge is coming. Masturbation is not harmful to anybody; it’s something you should do to be complete and know yourself.
Everyone has insecurities. I’m a confident person, even if I find so many other girls prettier than me, I still know who I am and what I’m worth, and I’m comfortable with that and comfortable in my skin.
Masturbation teaches you how to pleasure yourself but it’s also part of accepting and understanding who you are on a wider scale. If you’re comfortable in your skin, you’re a more confident person – and not just in bed.
I was always a fan of keeping things pure so for years I only ever used my fingers. Eventually though, I wanted to try something different but because toys weirded me out I started looking for a natural substitute instead.
I’d go to the grocery store and get in the mood just by checking out the cucumbers and zucchinis – their different textures and sizes – and then I would go home and slowly tease myself with them. Sometimes I’d reach a climax, other times not.
In the end I decided to get some toys and although initially I was very shy, now, since it became my career, I probably have half the store in my house but that’s only because it’s what I do professionally. I don’t think I would have all these toys otherwise.
The point is – don’t be shy exploring different varieties and fantasies. Before you put an ‘X’ on something give it a decent try (which means trying it out, not just once). You might try something and realise it’s not for you or you might realise that it is.
Your relationship with masturbation is just the same as a sexual relationship with a partner; you want to keep things alive and fresh but anything you can discover with a sexual partner you can discover by yourself.
Whether it’s using erotic literature or porn or using fingers or including toys, anything that inspires you can expand your sexuality. There’s a whole world you can explore and everything is worth a try.
Masturbation can and will have a positive impact on your relationships because when you know yourself and what you like you’re able to give more and get more without asking – directing and showing your partner how to please you. (Masturbating in front of your partner and incorporating voyeurism and exhibitionism can bring a different level to your sexual relationship, too).
But no matter how much you masturbate, if you’re with a partner, make sure you’re still available when the other person wants to jump you. Don’t overdo it, stay available and ready.
The last thing you want to do is desensitise yourself. If you do use toys, don’t use them all the time. If you use a vibrator every time you masturbate eventually you’ll lose your sensitivity and lose that sense of touch. The smart way to use toys is to integrate them sparingly, fool around with them and combine them with fingers.
Personally, I think it’s nice to cum in multiple ways with different variations, but whenever I masturbate I always try not to numb myself.
And that leads me to my last piece of advice…
Just like surfing on a wave for as long as you can before falling off, make masturbation last and learn how to build your sexual energy before letting it out. If you’re horny and go for it, well, then it’s done. It’s much more satisfying to tease yourself, use your imagination and grow your libido.
Sure, we can all be a little lazy – not taking the time to explore our limits or how much we can last or make the pleasure grow. Sometimes we just want to reach the top right away.
Other times though, it’s nice to ride the edge a little longer and you’ll often find that slowing things down and building things up can actually increase your pleasure. The relief is certainly going to be greater – and taking more time will bring different levels and dimensions to your masturbation sessions.
Don’t forget that as women we have that great gift of multiple-orgasms and I strongly suggest reaching for these plateaus. Every orgasm is different; some are higher peaks, some are lower. But you only learn this by going after one, two, or even three. Don’t give up. You might enjoy the surprises!