Girlfriend gets upset when I last more than 3 minutes
Im 20m and my girlfriend is 19.
Usually I cum pretty fast, I get super excited and overwhelmed because she is super attractive.
Lately I’ve been having difficulty cumming and last anywhere over a half hour which is awhile and I don’t expect my girlfriend to want it that long because once she’s came I can see getting bored or tired.
Usually during it we are having fun and it’s fairly intense. But at certain points we will always stop and she will get upset.
She said she thinks I’m not attracted to her anymore, I am really attracted to her. I assure her that I am. And personally I think it’s more fun to go longer than 3 minutes like maybe 10-15 would be perfect.
She won’t believe me and now everytime I go over like 10 minutes she gets upset and she gets turned off and we stop having sex or she asks if I’m going to cum or not.
So now I find myself blue balled and sad after every sex session.
I try to fuck her really good and intensely just how she’s liked before but it’s like she gets sad no matter what.
We do foreplay too I eat her out and she sucks me and we makeout. I don’t know what to do. I feel like our sex life is going down the gutter.
It’s gotten to the point where I think about faking it. Sometimes I don’t even feel like having sex even though I’m so attracted to her and love having sex with her.
How do I fix this? Any help is much appreciated
CookiesandcoffeeOo: I’m female so I obviously can’t speak from experience, but putting pressure on yourself to cum quicker to please your partner will only make the situation worse! Obviously it’s different for women, but if I think too much about getting off it just doesn’t happen.
Have you been put on any medication recently? SSRI’s are known to cause a delay in men and women, as are some pain killers. It may be worth speaking to your doctor if it continues, just to make sure it isn’t a medical issue you aren’t aware of.
Maybe you should explain to your partner that it is bothering you too? Obviously when you’re not having sex. I mean if it was an issue of attraction to her you wouldn’t want to have sex with her in the first place, and it is quite possible the added pressure is making things more difficult for you. I hope you manage to sort things out.
goodgoodgoodgirl: When I️ was about her age, I️ felt some of these insecurities, too. She probably needs to talk to someone who isn’t you about this so she understands that this is normal and the pressure she is putting on you isn’t helping the situation.
Talk to her. Explain everything you said here and be loving and kind. Remember you’re teammates trying to create the best situation possible for both of you. Encourage her to maybe even post on this subreddit to get some more perspective.
rocky123xo: As someone who’s been there, the more you think about it, the longer it will take and the worse you’ll feel. Tell your girlfriend she’s being unfair, and stressing you out. If she gets bored after she cums, try cumming at the same time. One of you waits until the other is ready.
Incomplete-Functions: Er, well, if you’re having sex regularly you won’t be as pumped up and it can take longer.
My bf and I are long distance so he goes from doing his own thing a couple times a week to my draining him dry over the weekend. I ask him to save up for me for about a week before I visit.
The first time, he basically explodes in a couple minutes. Each time it takes a little longer, until after the fifth or sixth (or seventh) time of him cumming in a 48-76 hour period, sometimes it just doesn’t happen. It doesn’t bother me; on the contrary, I grin and tell him that I’ve drained him dry and sucked up all his juices and wore him out and I love it.
I think she has too high an expectation here. My boyfriend basically drools over me. His attraction isn’t diminishing; his cum supply is – *because of* his attraction.
ultrahedgehog: Yeah I think a major problem here is that your girlfriend is treating this as something *you* are doing *to her* as opposed to something you need to explore and figure out together, and support each other through. It sounds like she is putting this all on you and not being emotionally supportive. You need to address this with her in a non sexual context, as others have said.
SoonKyuLove: Do you masturbate frequently? If so maybe you have “death grip” and try to avoid masturbating so much.
LushCascades: I ran into this with an ex. Unfortunately it didn’t end well for me.
If she doesn’t feel attractive, you need to find some alternate ways to tell her she’s beautiful that don’t involve quickly cumming.
Text her while you are at work/class to tell her you are thinking about her body. Comment DAILY on how beautiful she is. Be specific, point out the clothes she wears or your favorite features. Send her lots of messages about what you want to do with her.
Maybe fake it once or twice, but I wouldn’t make that a normal thing.
If she feels pretty, I think the rest should fall into place even if you are taking a while. That said you may want to mention that your body doesn’t work like a 2 pump chump anymore and this is the new normal.
ireasearch: I would be stopping any man at 15 minutes. I hate being sore. Perfect for me would be 5 minutes…
How about getting you closer to orgasm before you start intercourse?
Rapt0rzzz: This is such a strange thing to get upset about. She would rather you only last 3 minutes?? Was she content with that amount of time before?
Luvagoo: You don’t seem to have explored the sudden change of why it was 3 mins and now it’s 30. I agree/believe it’s nothing to do with her, but what else has changed? As someone said – medication, stress? Has frequency gone up recently so maybe you are dry? Just one time it took that long and she got upset which made you stressed and it just snowballed from there?
It’s important to find a reason and explain it to her.
On the other side, as a very self conscious young woman with comparatively little life or sex experience – I’m sure your girlfriend has been brought up in some way to think that a) part of her value lies in the extent to which men find her attractive and b) men, especially young men, always want sex no matter what and if you’re hot you can just touch them and they explode.
You see where I’m going with this; suddenly because of b), to her the only logical conclusion is you’re not attracted to her as much and she feels less valued.
She has a hard lesson to learn right here, and you’ll have to help her through it – I hope she understands and becomes a better person and lover for it 🙂
timmytingles101: how did u end up last longer?
freakythrowaway79: Dump her and find a chick that’s attracted to you. She’s twisting this and putting the blame on you. This is bullshit and ridiculous at your age.
When I was your age average sex session was at least 30 to 60plus mins.
Something else is going on with her, probably another guy.
vada-pav: Death grip problems ?