Heather Clem Hulk Hogan’s co-star in the sex tape
It has been reported that the wrestling legend’s co-star in the tape, Heather Clem, was completely obsessed with the 59-year-old, and always had dreams of getting intimate with the star. Sources claim that Clem was ‘obsessed’ with Hogan and that she and her former husband set up the camera to film the act so she could obsessively and repetitively watch it.
Guys only see me [F24] as a sex object and I’m sick of it.
Preface: I’m a 24 y.o. woman. I’m in Med School, my group of friends is awesome, I have many hobbies (working out, reading, writing, music, cinema), and I am attractive and in great shape.
I went through some hard patches, in the past, and, as a result, I have become very strong willed and independent, but I also think I’m a nice and caring person. I have many flaws, like everyone, but I think I would make a pretty bad ass girlfriend.
Yet, guys only see me as a sex object. I’ve dated 3 guys in the past year: guy 1 only wanted a FWB relationship (which I was completely fine with), guy 2 led me on, took me on dates, then ghosted me as soon as we had sex, and guy 3, my current FWB, basically thinks I’m just a walking vagina. He ignores my texts and my attempts to hang out with him, and only remembers I exist when he wants sex.
I am frankly fed up with this. I’m super busy, I have a very, very high sex drive and high standards for a potential partner, so entering a FWB relationship is not a problem for me and quite honestly I’ve been happy with this kind of arrangement for the past 6 years (yes, been single for that long), but being treated like I’m not even a person when I’m not having sex with them bothers me to no end. It’s like they all completely skip the ‘friends’ part and have no interest in getting to know me whatsoever, once I sleep with them, and I don’t understand why. I’d like to get the chance to know the person I’m sleeping with, even if feelings weren’t to develop, to hear them talk about what interests them, about their hobbies, their passions, their experiences. I’d like to be nice to them, bake a cake for them or buy a small gift, without them thinking I’m getting too clingy, and yes, I would like someone to be actually interested in who I am as a person, for once.
I don’t feel like I’m worth less than any other girl just because I like to have sex and know how to get what I want, but I’m starting to wonder if this is actually my fault.
Not sleeping with someone until we’ve established we have a relationship sounds ridiculous to me, because I feel that sexual compatibility is so important that I wouldn’t want to be with someone I have no chemistry with.
So sexxit, what do you all think I should do? Is it me, or are the guys I met just generally terrible? Am I asking for too much?
english_gritts: > I’m super busy, I have a very, very high sex drive and high standards for a potential partner, so entering a FWB relationship is not a problem for me
> It’s like they all completely skip the ‘friends’ part and have no interest in getting to know me whatsoever, once I sleep with them, and I don’t understand why.
Look, I know it’s super cliche but you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Often we have an ideal picture in our heads of a FWB that will come over to cuddle and have long talks along with sex, kinda like the movies, but 99% of the time it’s not going to be like that.
Personally I think you’re asking too much and that you’re going to have a tough time finding a guy willing to do this “grey area” pseudo dating
randomsexacct123: Friends with benefits is more like acquaintances with benefits imo. If they wanted to be your good friend and have sex with you as well, you would basically be dating. If they start doing the things you want to do with a FWB – that’s when they can start to catch feelings/feel like it’s turning into a relationship which they aren’t looking for. Are you meeting these guys in person or on tinder/Bumble/etc apps?
Sounds like you’re looking more for an actual relationship, so going down the FWB road is likely just going to lead to more guys that only want sex…because that’s kinda the point. You just need to keep trying, there’s a lot of shitty people out there (men and women both, took me quite a while to find my current GF) and our generation seems to be extra shitty/willing to to treat people they go on dates with like a throwaway item. Maybe try withholding sex longer to see if they’re more interested in dating/getting to know you? It’s a numbers game, just have to keep trying.
Meg_1998: I mean, you want only FWB relationships. You and the guy are both only in it for sex. So doesn’t that mean both of you only see the other as sex objects?
Maybe find a real relationship and build a real bond with someone.
StabbiesMcStabface: > I’d like to get the chance to know the person I’m sleeping with, even if feelings weren’t to develop, to hear them talk about what interests them, about their hobbies, their passions, their experiences. I’d like to be nice to them, bake a cake for them or buy a small gift, without them thinking I’m getting too clingy, and yes, I would like someone to be actually interested in who I am as a person, for once.
I feel like you’re describing a relationship here and not a FWB. I mean, how do you find your FWB? Do they start as friends for a few months or do they start as sexual partners?
OhGodNoDearGodNo: >I am frankly fed up with this. I’m super busy, I have a very, very high sex drive and high standards for a potential partner, so entering a FWB relationship is not a problem for me and quite honestly I’ve been happy with this kind of arrangement for the past 6 years (yes, been single for that long), but being treated like I’m not even a person when I’m not having sex with them bothers me to no end. It’s like they all completely skip the ‘friends’ part and have no interest in getting to know me whatsoever, once I sleep with them, and I don’t understand why. I’d like to get the chance to know the person I’m sleeping with, even if feelings weren’t to develop, to hear them talk about what interests them, about their hobbies, their passions, their experiences. I’d like to be nice to them, bake a cake for them or buy a small gift, without them thinking I’m getting too clingy, and yes, I would like someone to be actually interested in who I am as a person, for once.
Then go get a boyfriend…?
If you start a relationship as a FWB, that’s exactly how you’ll be treated: as someone who just wants a physical relationship and has no other strings attached. Many men will eagerly be there to have sex with you. You’re expecting more of them beyond just the sex, which is not really part of the deal. I don’t know how they view you, but entering a FWB situation and then complaining about not being given enough attention is kind of ridiculous.
geselski: I have a few thoughts on this situation:
1. People seem to be missing your comment that guys 2 and 3 were your friends until you started sleeping together and then stopped treating you as a friend. That is super shitty. There is certainly no general obligation to be friends with a casual sex partner, but emotionally distancing yourself from someone once you start having sex with them is pretty deceptive & would naturally make you feel like while you thought you were friends, they were objectifying you from the start.
2. It definitely is possible to be actual friends with an FWB. Be explicit about this from the start. There is always the chance you will become FWB with shitty guys like guys 2 & 3; just cut them off.
3. I am not poly, so I don’t know much about this, but have you considered a relationship with a guy who is poly? If you were a secondary partner, you could still have an emotional relationship without the pressure of having to dedicate a ton of time to an SO.
4. All that said, I think that it is definitely possible for you to find a monogamous relationship that fits your needs. There are plenty of folks in the twenties who are focused on their career and would understand your time commitments. Yes, other med students, but also law students, PhD students, early career public school teachers.
5. So it seems like there are lots of different kinds of relationships that could potentially meet your needs. Even if you are open about your expectations, each of these options entails the risk of beginning things with guys like Guy 2 and Guy 3– let’s be real, there are a lot of shitty guys out there. But if you are open and forward about your emotional needs and expectations, there is a good chance you will be able to find a relationship that meets these needs.
roborbbrobor: Have you thought about dating people with a commitment but not a lot of time commitment. There are a lot of people out there that would enjoy a relationship without the need to see their partner constantly.
It sounds like an actual fwb relationship won’t work for you. Most guys are going to treat it as fuck buddies and ignore the friends part as you’ve experienced. If you let them get away with that they will keep doing that. However you start whatever relationship you get into, committed or not, sets the tone for the rest of the relationship.
If you make it ok to just be a booty call, that’s what you’ll be. If you make it clear that you want friendship/friendly attention, that’s what you’ll get as well. You have to stick with it though, communicate and be willing to dump someone that doesn’t fit that. Like the current guy, you need to get rid of him because he clearly doesn’t want friendship from you.
I’m not sure how old these guys are but maybe try and older guy, late twenties early thirties. Might have better luck. Its amazing how much guys can learn between 25 and 30.
Tldr: set expectations and stick to them
TinyCynner: Okay, until I saw your comment that you actually *had* been friends with some of these guys before the sex, I was sitting here thinking “You set yourself up for a fuckbuddy situation and you’re sad you got what you asked for?” But, based on your other comments, it sounds like you were friends, added the benefits, and lost a friend. And yeah, that’s shitty.
Now, as is evidenced by the comments, different people have different ideas of what FWB means. My interpretation is that you are actual, real, true friends who also have sex with each other. And, theoretically, if you’re friends with someone and then add the sex, that should be a good recipe for what you want. Whereas, if you’re just meeting up with random dudes you don’t already know and offering them FWB, they’re more likely to hear “sex” and not the “friends” part too (and this isn’t just a dude thing, but you’re looking for dudes).
But, if your friends forget they’re supposed to like you as a person as soon as you add the sex, it sounds like you’ve got some shitty friends.
themadnun: Friends with Bennies usually won’t develop into a relationship and it sounds like your current one is either actively avoiding it or just isn’t really interested. It’s not you per se, but you can help yourself by scouting out guys who can actually fulfill your needs instead of just one aspect of them.
Fucking on the first date doesn’t preclude you from finding guys who are interested in more than sex, but you seem to be picking guys to fuck rather than to be in a relationship with. I know if I was in a FWBs situation I’d be trying my hardest not to get attached because I’ve been in similar situations and got burned.
*e* fuckbuddies sounds like a more accurate term for your current situation than FWBs. You also sound pretty sick of it so you’re going to have to talk about it with him, which can only really go one of two ways.
ob_gator: As someone said earlier, FWB has the word friends in it. The majority of people use that term are not in a FWB situation, they just don’t won’t to think of themselves as a booty call so they couch it all as a FWB. FWBs will bake a cake, hang out and watch game. Booty call is hitting her up after you been out with your boys all day and now you’re horny. It’s 10pm, let me see who’s available.
If you’re letting guys know up front that you’re down for no strings sex, well most will take full advantage of that Christmas present.
Dogzillas_Mom: If you want an emotionally intimate relationship, you can’t agree to FWB. Or at least, you can have all the FWB you want, but don’t expect any of them to engage emotionally. Those are two different relationship agreements.
tropisms: I’m actually really surprised by a lot of the responses saying you can’t have a FWB where you actually care and have a connection with a person, but that probably explains a lot about why you are having problems with it. I’ve had FWBs where we have a connection, I know it exists! I’m visiting a woman next week who I used to have a FWB arrangement with and we are still friends and still care about each other.
I am also surprised more women aren’t chiming in saying “oh yeah, I know that feeling”, all my straight single female friends seem to struggle with feeling used if they put out too quickly and often the guys seem to vanish after.
I’m sure there are characteristics you can look for to try and weed out some of guys who are like that, but I’m not sure what they are, I suppose you can start looking for patterns, or just wait until you have a more established relationship/friendship before having sex. I really don’t think it’s your fault at all, just the culture we’re in.
Thoughtsaboutlife: I have friends in Med school, and I have seen the challenge that it is. You have to be strict with your time and who you spend your time with, and most people will not understand your priorities, but that is just because they are not in Med School.
I would encourage you to take a step back to think about what you want and are searching for. It sounds like you have a high sex drive and enjoy the benefits of an FWB provides, but also are extremely lonely. If you have time to bake a cake, talk to someone and get to know them, then It sounds like you have time for a relationship. How much time investment do you think a relationship requires? Might be worth re-evaluating what a relationship requires and also what you value in a relationship since you have been single for six years. There are pro’s and con’s to FWB and relationships…since you don’t sound that fulfilled with your FWB situation, I would encourage you to re-evaluate if it is indeed working for you in a way that fulfills you.
Just remember that Med School will eventually end. Although you will always have to prioritize your time and not have as much as you would prefer in your field, especially while you are in residency, things do change… Including your priorities.
cheesy123: Omg thanks for this post. I’m in the exact same situation as you, and by this point I was starting to think I was the problem.
I think that society isn’t necessarily built to accommodate strong, independent women. I find that even if a guy seems decent that I’m the end he’s only around for sex.
I find that at our age most people are just looking for hookups/fun. (The Tinder concept seems to have really change how people our age interact and have relationships with one another). I think as we get older, people’s needs and values will change and at that point you’ll be able to find more of what you’re looking for.
tryingwithmarkers: I’m 18 and a college freshman. I thought I wanted a FWB because I wanted what you described: sex, cuddling, doing things together, etc. Then I realized that a FWB wouldn’t want to do anything but sex, really. So I was like well then maybe I do want a boyfriend. Idk just my experience
TerminalCuteness: Clearly you are looking for and attracting the wrong type of guy. You will need to do some soul-searching and practice a high level of self-awareness to discover why you’re not drawing the type of guy you desire. Maybe it’s that you’re not sure exactly what you want from them or that you want one thing but are projecting another. This is something you need to figure out and then you need to maybe expand your circle a bit to meet a different breed from the ones you’re currently encountering.
tacforall: What types of guys are you dating?
Serocco: Maybe pursue the FWB?
Myfairladyishere: This sounds more a simple hook up situation..not fwb..do the guys you meet have similar interests ..do you have conversations..fpr fwb to work you genuinely need to like each other and be friends..it is doable.
SpyderFoode: In your post, you said you don’t see the point of waiting to sleep with someone until you have a relationship established. Yet you’re also lamenting the lack of a real relationship with your FWBs?
I think it’s highly unlikely you will find a guy who, after his relationship with you starts with just meaningless sex, is going to make the transition until a real FWB situation (where, you know, you’re actually friends who hang out and do things other than have sex). I think you will have a much better chance of success if you hang out and get to know each other as friends first. By all means, make it clear that it’s not a “date” and that you’re not looking for a relationship, but also don’t proposition hooking up so early either. I know your time is limited, but the honest truth is that a FWB situation that is based on friendship takes some time to develop organically, just like any friendship. You can’t force it.
amifrenchyet: Yep I have to agree with the posters about what an FWB situation entails. Why not try going on some real dates with guys that are interested in getting to know you too? If you’re not interested in a relationship, then you’re entering into these situations with that mindset and even if you’re not conscious of it, you’re likely giving off the vibe that you’re not interested in getting to know them beyond sex.
You shouldn’t feel worthless because you like to have sex. But if you enter into these arrangements with the expectation that you’ll get to know your FWB/Partner/Whoever beyond just sexual situations, you’ll get that in return.
igby23: When you meet these guys does it start out sexual and then you’re trying to build a friendship or vice versa? I’ve found that my best FWBs that are truly friends started out as just friends and then we added in the no strings attached sex. When it started as sex, it was really hard to build up the friendship part and I’m not sure why but that has just always been my experience. When I first meet someone and it’s just sex I set my expectations accordingly.
THE_IRL_JESUS: I’m a guy and if my FWB wanted to talk a lot outside of our arrangement and talk about deep emotions and buy eachother gifts I would be straight out. I would guess you and the people you are having these FWB relationships with both have very different views on what it should encompass.
IBeHuy: Would you be open to a SO who is okay with you being in med school and understands that schooling is a major priority?
painkillers: I’ve basically been doing the FWB gray area type of relationship for the past 4 years.
You need to clearly, and consistently state exactly what you’re looking for. Are you looking for an exclusive FWB relationship or are you okay with your FWB partner seeing other girls?
Personally, i’m looking to explore group sex experiences, so i’m pretty clear about my intentions early enough, but still deep enough I’ve known the person and may have had one or a few sexual experiences. And I’m not ready to commit 110% to one lady, so i use a lot of language to suggest I’m not super interested in a purely monogamous relationship.
I am in an open relationship with my current girlfriend. We’re together 5 days a week with her sleeping over often, but when I travel I sometimes end up meeting other women for ONS’s. And together with my GF we’ve had a few threesomes with other men and soon to be women. We’ve been seeing each other for a year now and over that time i’ve built up the trust with her to do this.
I do enjoy getting to know the women I’m with (aside from ONS’s), and there are other guys out there like me I’m sure. You’ve only had 3 FWB relationships. I’ve had 10-20 and most did not last more than a few weeks/months for varying reasons.
waggles_his_chode: If you want an FWB and not just a fuck buddy, you probably need to become friends with men before you sleep with them. Maybe you’ve been doing this (I haven’t read all your comments) but it’d be a good start if you haven’t.
I have no idea what kind of men you are seeking out, but you should probably try to find some who have a schedule that’s as busy as yours. By that, I mean someone who doesn’t have time for a full relationship. Speaking from personal experience, someone whose also extremely busy would probably be okay with the situation you’re describing. However, if a man has more time, he might not want to waste “relationship time” with you when he could be out finding a women who actually wants a relationship with him. You could just be holdover sex.
I’m not really sure if what I wrote makes sense or is in any way helpful but there it is.
justahoustonpervert: I’ve found men don’t usually don’t get their own act together until 25 or so. if ever.
don’t get dissuaded by the guys you’ve come across so far, I’m just glad you’re just not falling for their typical BS.
I’ve found that just talking and holding a conversation is the best foreplay when it comes to meeting someone at a bar or other social activities.
RodonCATS: > Preface: I have many hobbies (working out, reading, writing, music, cinema), and I am attractive and in great shape.
listening to music and going to the cinema doesn’t really count as hobby, and if working out means you walk to the refrigerator and back it doesn’t make the cut either. You are sooo busy, but you still have time to read (which usually takes up multiple hours per book) and to write, and writing in a creative way usually takes up a bunch of time too.
> I went through some hard patches, in the past, and, as a result, I have become very strong willed and independent[..]
Oh, come on! Almost everyone has stuff to deal with, life ain’t a fairy tale 🙁
> Yet, guys only see me as a sex object. I’ve dated 3 guys in the past year [..] my current FWB, basically thinks I’m just a walking vagina. He ignores my texts and my attempts to hang out with him, and only remembers I exist when he wants sex.
> entering a FWB relationship is not a problem for me and quite honestly I’ve been happy with this kind of arrangement for the past 6 years
3 guys within the last year, single for 6 years, entered multiple FWB arrangements in that time, if you had the same rate of partners in the last years, than that’s quite a number, maybe even a little sluttier phase to be added in, but that is the PAAAST!
> I’m super busy, I have a very, very high sex drive and high standards for a potential partner
You are sooo busy, and you have sooo high standards for a potential partner… guess what those potential partners will have for theirs? HIGH STANDARDS! And a chick who think she’s the shit while racking up a double digit partner count before her mid twenties with no relationship experience for years doesn’t make the cut for any of your “potential partners” with half a brain. That’s why your fuckbuddys put you in the fuck zone, why shall they spend more time with you, when they get what they want without doing so? You’re not a potential partner for anyone with a properly working brain, you’re a potential fuck. Have fun, move on if you get too demanding.
So, i’m sorry, but you aren’t quite they catch you think you are. Hell, you are probably not even over one of your exes. So before i tell you that wearing a wig isn’t the best indicator of health (which people are mostly looking for in their partners), i better wrap up this post.
But you are so busy anyway, no time for reading replys on a forum, except… of course, that’s a hobby of yours.
edit: your best friends are males, another red flag for most guys, how can one person be so oblivious.