Uncomfortable when boyfriend pulls out after anal – how to make it better?
Hello all you amazingly helpful people!
While there seems to be almost an unlimited number of “how to anal” articles out there, I have never been able to find one that gives any advice on this, and it is making me wonder if I am the only one who has an issue with it.
I find it extremely uncomfortable whenever anything (penis, finger, toy) is pulled out of my butt. It doesn’t hurt at all, but it feels “strange” in a very negative way and gives me a bad feeling. This makes it practically impossible for my bf and I to change positions (some are possible without pulling out, of course, but it’s still limiting) and it also limits foreplay and just having fun in general a lot as I want to avoid having stuff pulled out.
Do any of you have the a similar feeling about this? Is there any way he can do it differently that might help? Or anything I can do?
He also recently bought some anal toys online and they all came with the recommendation of being pulled out while I’m orgasming to make it more intense. For me this just sounds like it would ruin my orgasm completely, but I know that anal stuff has a tendency to surprise. If there’s anyone out there who also feels uncomfortable about the pulling out part and has tried this I would love to hear your thoughts on it. Is it actually good or is it uncomfortable in the same way? Will the orgasm be so intense that I don’t care about anything else?
We initially started having anal because of him, but I am finding myself enjoying it more and more and I really want it to continue evolving, for both of us. Is this something I just have to “get over” or are there ways to make it better?
bettershine: Instead of pulling out in one motion, ask your guy to keep thrusting, but with shallower and shallower thrusts each time. Maybe that helps.
BrainGotMisty: I have this problem too. To the point that even if I use toys alone, I am on the edge of an anxiety attack when it’s time to take it out. Pushing helps, but I still hate that feeling. I don’t really have any advice unfortunately, but you’re definitely not alone!
Draco_Dormiens: I would suggest trying more lube. This seems like a friction issue maybe?
Otherwise, consider pushing like you would during a bowel movement, when he is removing himself. That’s how your body is used to having things leave your anus. Having something pulled out while you’re probably clenching can’t feel great. I hope that makes sense?
RedMushtoom: That’s the feeling of your anus being stretched out, but suddenly not having anything stretching it out. It takes a little bit for things to return to their usual dimensions.
This is your butt-hole before sex: ^*
This is your butt-hole after sex: O
You’re feeling it do this: O 0 o * ^*
Let him go soft inside of you, and then push him out.
edubkendo: He should hold still and let you pull away.
Mirawenya: I usually only use toys, but defo relate. My only solution so far is to take it out really really slowly.
rxlost: Ya I have the same problem… sounds gross but it feels like I’m about to poop, which number one is not a sexy feeling and two it makes me nervous that I may and then it will ruin it for me forever lol. I think it helps if you tell him to just pull out slowly!
wickedandstrict: Whatever is in your butt, when you decide you’re done – don’t pull it out. Instead, continue with a slower, more deliberate in-out thrusting as normal, but make each thrust a little less deep. Finally, when it’s almost all the way out, rather than pulling it out, have your partner signal you, and cock your hips so it pops out at an angle. Don’t just pull away from him, so it comes out – move your hips but not your body at about a 45 degree angle to the line of thrust while you were playing.
At no point will anyone be pulling anything out of you, and the sensation should be different.
whiskey_pants: IDK pulling out always feels like a huge poop to me. I have never understood things meant to be removed during O and so far am unwilling to try them as all I can imagine is it ruining a good O for no good reason. Even if there is a slim chance it could make O better, O is already pretty damned good so I will take my chances at being wrong about that one and leave well enough alone.
I have no special trick to make it feel less like a poop, I really just assumed that “is how it is”. Are you feeling something worse than that?
sooniidere: I’m not sure how to offer advice unfortunately, but I think I know the feeling you’re talking about 🙁 to me, when my bf starts to pull out during anal, it feels really hot and wet when it’s coming out which makes me think I just shit myself as he’s pulling out, which gives me a lot of sudden anxiety.
Another feeling I think you may be talking about, is the feeling we get when we don’t use enough lube or the lube has started to dry up. There’s been times where my bf and i have done anal on a whim (well, tried to) but we had to stop because, it felt fine as he was putting it in, but the moment he started to pull it back to thrust it suddenly hurt really badly and almost felt like, gravely. You can just feel the dryness, if that makes sense? It stung rly bad.
I’m not sure how to help because we’ve always just handled it like a bandaid, just get it over with and pull out quickly 🙁 I know that’s not the right advice, but hopefully it helps knowing that you aren’t weird or crazy and other girls know the feeling you’re talking about
lumbee01: Sounds like you have a fear of defecating. You have to keep in mind you’re using an orifice that’s design for expulsion of waste. Accidents can happen and you need to forget that and just enjoy the heat of the moment. You’re not experiencing pain while being sodomized, so you should be comfortable with multiple insertions. Just lube up and don’t over think.
Iggys1984: It’s not super pleasant to have him pull out, but I’ve gotten used to it over time and now it’s fine. I prefer for it to be relatively fast myself. Honestly getting more comfortable with anal in general helped. I was afraid he would pull out and I would “gape” so I would subconsciously clench and that made it worse. Now that I’m less embarrassed by the anal in general I am able to relax and it doesn’t bother me.
You said you were extremely embarrassed about things like this… I wonder if that has something to do with the unpleasantness. You could be clenching subconsciously because you are worried something will happen, or just embarrassed. However, you said your boyfriend is really supportive… So with time I think you can overcome this. Pushing will keep you from clenching, so it could help if subconscious clenching is your issue.
Timing could also be an issue. Generally people are into things they wouldn’t be into normally when they are horny. After sex is over you aren’t as into it anymore. This doesn’t fit 100% since you said it happens with changing positions too, but maybe the lack of stimulation during position changes increases the unpleasant feeling. Maybe try playing with your clit or otherwise stimulating yourself while he is pulling out and see if the pleasure overrides the discomfort. He could play with you and passionately kiss you to while he pulls out (at least if you are doing anal in missionary, which is fun to do since you can play with yourself and put a vibe/dildo in your vagina at the same time). Distraction works great for me for the less pleasant parts if anal, like the very beginning or very end.
Eastlander5: More lube and go slow! Gentleness and patience wins the day.
srpntmage: I was half way kidding, but sometimes quick is the best way.
CARVER-D12: I’m a guy and won’t do anal anymore out of feeling uncomfortable about it after pulling out and notice my jr wasn’t white anymore. So don’t feel weird or uncomfortable. You guys just need preparation and communication.
xavierstories: I find it’s usually better if they withdraw more slowly
danighost: I experienced the same feeling for a while, whether playing with toys alone or having sex with my boyfriend. I totally get the panic of “oh god it’s gonna have to come out” because I got the SAME feeling whenever I would finish using a dildo LOL. I think as I adjusted to having things in my ass that feeling lessened and no longer bothers me as much – it’s still uncomfortable to pull out but it’s no longer the “it feels like I’m gonna shit everywhere oh god” feeling lmao.
unoimgood: My theory is that its natural instinct, that feeling is probably something you may associate with a large satisfying bowel movement. When you feel anything close to that feeling outside of that environment is disheartening since you feel like your about to evacuate all over well everything. If you plan on it try to keep empty and clean. I would suggest playing with that feeling yourself to familiarize your body to the sensation, basically convince your brain that yes this isn’t an emergency, it feels good, because it can. I’m a straight male with a fiance who wanted to play around with me and I definitely know that feeling. I had to convince myself that I’m not going to just explode (in a bad bad way) it was only the object she’s controlling and had to let myself just give in to experiencing the sensation.
Edit: takes some time with that feeling but relaxation is the key to yet another anal problem, resisting that urge to clench and panic feeling something slide out down there.
Aldrenean: I think it’s just a mental issue, the only thing we’re used to coming out of our butts is poop and there’s a pretty strong desire to keep that inside except in the right place! I’d recommend doing some solo anal play in the bath or shower so you can get comfortable with the feeling in a safe, no-pressure environment.
ahchava: Have him go super slow in his exit. Not soft, not thrusting, just pull out about 1/8 inch at a time and stopping to let you adjust to the feeling of less cock in you as he exits. Have him go so slow he can barely handle it. He may need to use a cock ring to keep the erection with the lack of thrusting.
I do think the advice for him to pull out mid orgasm is probably not going to work for you as an individual, but does work for other individuals. I will say I have used the pooping muscles when taking out a toy and have had a lot of success with it. I don’t need to do so when I’m with a live partner, but everyone is different. I’m not sure if you are male or female or if you own a vagina/uterus but the similar muscles are used to push out a baby as they are to poop. If it helps you to think of pushing out an object that is not poop—that could be one way around the mental parts of it for you.
birkenstocksNsocks: Is the discomfort the actual feeling? Or the worry accompanying pulling out?
Isimagen: That can be an awkward feeling. I haven’t noticed that I think it’s uncomfortable but I can see why someone else might think so.
So a few thoughts based on my personal experience and what I saw others telling you. Maybe something will be useful.
First, I think you’ll find this gets better and becomes less of an issue as you do it more often. Yes, that means some discomfort or “unusualness” in the meantime. I get it. It’s sort of like guys having to learn the “gotta pee” feeling is prostate stimulation. It can take a bit to take something that normally means one thing, towards a new association meaning another.
The other thing is pushing out. When it’s time for him to come out for whatever reason, push out as if you’re going to the bathroom. (This is great advice for being entered at first as well, it straightens the rectal canal and thus makes penetration easier.)
The reason for pushing out when expelling him or another object is because that’s in your control. It’s what you normally do and thus feels natural. When he pulls out, goes limp and pops out, or anything like that without your interaction it’s an odd feeling. It’s like you’re having a bowel movement out of your control or leaking in some way, I’m sure.
Practice with a small you or your finger some to see if that helps the awkwardness and definitely try it with him a few times. Mount him and then come off him time after time to practice. I’m sure he won’t complain. hehe
And remember to talk to yourself mentally about this: it’s only uncomfortable because it’s unfamiliar and it’s different than what you’ve felt for a lifetime heretofore. It will pass and you can help it along.
One last suggestion, try some serious stimulation to your clitoris as things are being pulled out to “distract” you as well.
Tay_tay_anne: Try a small bullet vibrator, it does help.
srpntmage: It’s like a bandaid. Pull it out super fast, and it won’t be as bad.
grambones70: Don’t pull out?
darrenk123: I think if your honest it’s the feeling or worry that you might poop or the embarrassing thought you might my advice don’t worry 90%of guys understand what comes with the territory and some like myself are more dirty and actually enjoy if things get a little more dirty .
ABC_AlwaysBeCovert: you could do what my current gf does and just not let him do anal