(F23) Sex with my boyfriend (28) doesn’t seem to last long these days. What’s going on?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Our sex life use to be really amazing and we would have sex for hours, he always made sure I came and it was awesome. We were super into it, and I have a very high sex drive – and I was under the impression he had one, too.
This past year, things have just been bleh. We never have sex more than 15 minutes before he gets tired. We can’t do cowgirl because I have a tilted uterus and it hurts; he recently bought some sex lotions and said we could use them today and have some really good sex since I had brought up things were lacking.
Today, it lasted maybe 15 minutes. I have him some impeccable head, he pulled out the toys and lotions, then he wanted pizza and the sex ended. I had to beg him for vagina intercourse for a minute after he had merely teased my breasts, kissed me, and a little bit of fingering. I didn’t come and was super excited. He said after food we could get back to it. I was like, “okay, cool”. After we ate, he went to take a bath and put all the sex stuff away, meaning he’s in for the night.
Am I doing something wrong? I mean…I don’t understand. Does he not want sex anymore? I’m so horny all the time and he doesn’t even make me cum anymore. Usually we have sex and then I just masturbate at night because I’m so pent up and irritated. I’ve asked him multiple times if it’s my body and he says no, he likes me how I am. He says work is stressing him out, that he’s tired, or it’s just too much work for him. I’m feeling so self conscious and embarrassed because it feels like he doesn’t even want me anymore. Every other aspect of our relationship is incredible…I just don’t understand where this one went.
Our usual sexual encounter goes like this:
– 15-20 minutes of me giving him hand/oral
– some kissing
– shitty fingering for 5 minutes
– vaginal intercourse for 10-15. He usually cums.
I’d like to add that I’ve made it clear I LOVE oral, and I love lots of foreplay since it’s hard for me to cum. A lot of his foreplay doesn’t feel good anymore and he’s way too rough. I’ve expressed these things to him but it’s like it just goes one ear and out the other. I have an IUD, so we almost always use the pull out method. I just am so frustrated and hurt. I have needs.
meltallica82: Your description of a typical sex session makes it sound like he’s very selfish. Is there any oral for you? Any other foreplay? 5 mins of shitty fingering is a half assed attempt. What do you think would make it better? Speak up and tell him that you’re not satisfied with the way things have become and you want to work on spicing things up.
NeeshaD22: My bf and I went through this the summer. He had gained weight and sex was was a bit more work then it used to be. He also hated his fucking job. He just wasn’t satisfied with himself and that showed in our sex life. He got a new job and everything went back to normal.
He stopped initiating sex and wouldn’t put in the time to try to have me enjoy it. I talked to him about it again and again. I asked what I could. Was it my body blah blah blah. At the end of the day, if you’ve reached out and they don’t give you any insight, it’s their problem not yours.
It became so much of an issue that I considered breaking up with him. It made me feel undesired and ugly. I felt uncared for and like I wasn’t a priority. It created negative emotions I couldn’t live with. Then some things changed and sex is back on track.
Are you willing to wait it out?