During a mid-afternoon conversation over Yum Cha, one woman started wondering ‘Is butt sex officially on trend?’
It all began with one simple – if not, endearing – comment: “That’s me then, I’m going to head home. Alex* is running a bath for me.”
That’s all fine and well, but here’s the part that came crashing down atop my prudish little sphincter…
“He’s only being charming because he wants ass-play. You know what they say, ‘The key to a happy anal experience is a r-e-l-a-x-e-d a-nouss,’ and taking a bath stops me from getting all clenchy.”
The unabashed admission – that was accompanied with the vivid scrunch of her face and clench of her fists – kicked off a rapid-fire discussion about anal sex which in hindsight, was probably too wild for a mid-afternoon Yum Cha restaurant.
Sentences like, “I love a finger up the bum!” and “There was a little bit of, you know… poo on the end,” were being offered up to the table for dissection as readily as soup dumplings and chinese broccoli soaked in oyster sauce. And I – the same woman who had once had sex in the back of a taxi (!!!) – had nothing to bring to the table apart from an accidental poking that had left me so traumatised, I filed the whole kit and kaboodle of anal sex under: Never Again.
Suddenly, I felt a nameless sense of isolation for which there is almost certainly an excessively long German word like ‘Schertlingoezer’ to describe it, but… I don’t speak German. I guess you could say, I felt like a more explicit version of Mindy Kaling, silently asking myself:
‘Is everyone having butt sex without me?’
Speaking of Kaling, it’s worthwhile mentioning that her eponymous TV show was the first ever to feature an anal sex scene broadcast on primetime television. Similarly, Lena Dunham’s hit drama Girls kicked off its fourth season with a confronting visual of protagonist Marnie, bent over a sink as she has her butt eaten out.
If you’ve found yourself thinking, ‘Surely there’s a nicer way of saying “butt eaten out,” you would be correct! Oral-anal sex, or ‘anilingus,’ has become known colloquially as ‘tossing salad,’ which seems to explain Nicki Minaj’s previously bizarre lyric: “He toss my salad like his name Romaine.”’
And of course, what article on the modern state of sex would be complete without a cameo from the somewhat-concerning Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy? Author E L James writes, “He gently pushes an anointed finger inside me… there! Into my backside.” Adding, “It feels alien, full, forbidden… but oh… so… good.”
As if lifted from the pages of a Carrie Bradshaw article, I couldn’t help but wonder… Is butt sex officially on trend?
Considering that popular culture tends to mirror commonly liked behaviours, tastes and attitudes, can we safely assume that ass play has indeed become a common extension of genital play? And with that in mind, suddenly my lack of butt-play makes all the more sense – I still haven’t seen Titanic and as far as I’m aware, Hagrid could very well be the name of an up-and-coming Japanese-fusion restaurant.
It seems butt stuff is so common that a friend recently said of her one night stand, “He went straight for the butt-butt, we didn’t have traditional sex at all.” She even used satirical air quotes around the word ‘traditional.’
It’s clear – anal sex is no longer confined to dark annals (sorry!) of the internet where foot fetishes, beastiality and squirtting reign supreme. But yes, the high prevalence of anal sex in porn is no doubt one of the contributing factors to the rise of the practice IRL.
To be honest, I’m not so sure why any of this is surprising to me – after all, the butt is an erogenous zone for both men and women.
Confused about what the hell I possibly wanted – a finger, or two? the whole eggplant? – I did what any very scientific study would do, I took to social media.
As if spoken out of the butts of babes, here’s what the social network had to say:
“It’s actually very intimate. Think about it – my partner gets to see more of my body than I’ll ever see without the help of a mirror.”
“Since when did butt play get so, er, big?! I feel like it went from really taboo to a major part of sex overnight. My friends and I range between loving a full-on bottom session to just a sneaky finger here and there.”
“So many of my friends have started talking about anal and how they enjoy it, but I just can’t get past the ickiness of it all. I.e. something, anything going UP THERE! Ouch. I have even had friends tell me that one night stands now expect a bit of bottom action.”
“My first time was actually quite enjoyable and it was a turn on knowing that my partner was really enjoying it. I would definitely do it again but I think it requires patience and a lot of communication for it to work.”
“I guess the rise of butt stuff comes from everyone always wanting to try new things – particularly in today’s society where porn is common culture and vaginas are everywhere so we’re like, hey, let’s do something outrageous and go for the butt.”
“It’s not something I want everyday, but yeah – I’m into it. It’s the best way to get a crazy orgasm out.”