Scared Shitless that I Might be a Pedophile
The title pretty much says it all. For some more detail, I’m a 24 year old male in a healthy, long term relationship with my girlfriend (who is also 24) of about 18 months. I have never had any sexual encounter with anyone under the age of consent (or anyone younger than 20 actually), and I’ve never looked at or for child porn. The thought of abusing a child in that way (and I consider any kind of sexual encounter with a minor to be among the worst kinds of assault) to be repulsive and horrifying.
Here’s the thing: I have these thoughts, sexual thoughts about teenage girls, usually around 13 to 15 years of age. I don’t know when these first started, though it’s been at least a few years, but I’ve been unable to get it out of my mind after I had a sex dream about a 13ish year old girl (no one specific or anyone that I know or have seen), and found the dream to be enjoyable. My conscious mind is appalled by these thoughts, but their is a part of my unconscious mind, some part of my id, that is tantalized by and even turned on by these thoughts.
I’ve recently brought the issue up with my therapist, who has been very supportive and is helping me work through and come to terms with this, but I’m wondering if anyone out there has any kind of insight that could be useful to me. Thanks in advance.
whiskey_pants: I am sure your therapist is telling you that thoughts are not actions. Is your relationship good and solid and fulfilling? People also have thoughts about rape both as predator and victim. There are lots of things people think about. I am sure your therapist can help you in this area more than anyone else can.
fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-: I think it’s good you recognize the thoughts. If just thinking about it made you a pedophile, just think about how many first degree murderers there are in this sub alone, just for their thoughts of wanting to kill me for typically responding like an asshole.
If you haven’t messed with kids, you’re not a pedophile. It’s like when you fuck someone you’re not supposed to in a dream. It didn’t happen. You’re good.
_FeedYourHead: You are definitely not a people. To me this sounds like the symptom of undiagnosed OCD. A type known as intrusive thought.
Intrusive Thoughts – Intrusive thoughts, in the spectrum of OCD, are where a person generally suffers with obsessional thoughts that are repetitive, disturbing and often horrific and repugnant in nature. For example, thoughts of causing violent or sexual harm to loved ones.
Because the intrusive thoughts are repetitive and not voluntarily produced, they cause the sufferer extreme distress – the very idea that they are capable of having such thoughts in the first place can be horrifying. However, what we do know is that people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder are the least likely people to actually act on the thoughts, partly because they find them so repugnant and go to great lengths to avoid them and prevent them happening.
Intrusive thoughts can cover absolutely any subject, but the more common areas of OCD related concerns covers the following sub- categories:
Sexual Thoughts – Fear of:
Magical Thinking – believing that:
Religious – believing that:
Violent Thoughts – fear of:
I would recommend seeing a mental health professional.
There are many treatments for OCD ranging from therapy to medication.
Seek help, engage in some therapy and I am certain these thoughts will reduce or go away completely.
I hope this helps.
RIPcherryboyRIP: You are fine OP. I’d continue talking with your therapist if this causing internal strife or if you ever feel the need to act on it which you haven’t demonstrated and probably won’t. The thoughts themselves I’d say are normal.
This is fantasy, not reality. What goes on in your head doesn’t impact anyone. No one is affected unless you act on your thoughts. If you act on your thoughts, that is when problems can and will arise.
The only other time for concern is when thoughts become all consuming or heavily alter how you live. Otherwise, they are just that, thoughts, fantasies, things limited to the realm of your mind.
Also that is why roleplay exists as well as other mediums. To indulge in things you wouldn’t otherwise do so in reality for x reason(s).
papretigre: Thoughts and feelings are not mandates.
thoughts/feelings -> choices -> actions -> habits -> thoughts/feelings -> …
Lots of people have all kinds of fantasies, thoughts, feelings that they don’t act on.
respighi: If you look at it from an evolutionary biology standpoint, it makes sense males and females would start to find each other sexually attractive around the age of sexual maturity. Cats, rabbits, lions have no compunction about this. As soon as they’re able to reproduce, they’re bangin. And there’s no such thing as too big of an age gap. Humans are different as we’ve developed an awareness of the varying rates of psychological/emotional maturity vs. sexual maturity, and we have laws that codify those insights. But your biological urges are not wrong or abnormal. Act according to what you know is healthy, and you’ll be fine.
yesmissy: You aren’t a pedophile you are at most a hebephile.
That said I don’t think being attracted to young women is necessarily the worst thing ever. I also think it’s WAY more common than most men are honest enough to admit.
Acting on it though is another thing entirely.
Obviously you know that’s wrong.
I wouldn’t stress too much. But I also wouldn’t spend too much time dwelling on thoughts about young girls.
Do-the-nasty: This is a question for a therapist, best case you’re confirmed to not be attracted to kids, worst case they’ll be able to help you through it.
hfaalky: What medications are you taking? Some psych meds can effect this. I remember taking selegiline (deprenyl) for nootropic purposes, and it definitely caused an attraction to younger girls. anyways I stopped taking it and things went back to normal. Something to consider at least.
RBC_SUCKS_BALLS: i”m almost 50 – i went through that phase at your age – nieces will change your perspective very quickly
it’s who you are – just don’t act on it and you will grow out of it IMO
Fluffyshark91: Many people have taboo thoughts. People have thoughts and desires of all sorts of things. The real point is you know the difference between thoughts and reality, and that you don’t act on ideas that could have major negative consequences. Ever had violent thoughts but not carry them out for obvious reasons?
Pizzachu1: 13 is too old for pedophilia, they’ve got pubic hair and stuff. The only thing weird about your attractions is that you feel guilty about them.