Should you have sex on a first date?
Having sex on the first date used to be quite the scandal, but the rules of dating etiquette are looser than they used to be.
No-one is particularly judged for having sex on a first date (at least not out loud) and how quickly you have sex doesn’t seem to have much of an impact on whether or not the relationship works.
Or does it?
We argue for and against having sex on a first date.
Generally speaking, I’m pro people doing whatever they want, so long as it’s mutually consensual and you’re not doing it out of a sense of obligation.
But, personally, I’ve never been up for having sex on a first date.
I’m not shy – back in my single days I’d stick my tongue down a guy’s throat without so much as a ‘hello’ – but sex takes things to a whole other level.
Sex requires a level of trust that I just don’t have in someone who’s practically a stranger.
It means going to an isolated place, with someone you barely know, and literally putting yourself in their hands.
I’m not a massively touchy-feely person. I hate it when someone I’m meeting for the first time hugs me.
It’s just not in my nature to be physically intimate with someone unless I know them well.
Sex also complicates things.
It releases the hormone oxytocin – the ‘love hormone’ – which makes women in particular feel a rush of affection for their sexual partner.
I don’t need that hormone messing things up when I’m trying to work out whether I actually like the guy or not.
Yes, that probably sounds coldly logical, but it’s worked out for me thus far.
And this way, when you have sex for the first time a few dates in, it’s a lot better than it would have been on a first date.
Plus, you’ll have weeded out all the guys who were only interested in a quickie, and who gave up after date two. Bonus.
Whether you’ve never done it before or think that four hours into the evening is stringing it out, when it comes to adding a little ‘devil may care’ into your life and rediscovering your basic instincts, you can’t beat sex on a first date.
Having sex on a first date means there are no labels to confuse the situation with – or misinterpretation about whether you are or are not in a relationship.
It’s simply two people coming together (ahem) to enjoy sex for the sake of sex.
Lord knows, chemistry is hard enough to find, when you do meet someone and you feel it, why not take advantage and seize them moment when it’s there?
After all, we feel sexual desire when we want to have sex, not just when we are in love with someone and why should that be denied?
Two adults making the decision to have consensual sex with another is a thing to be celebrated, not criticised.
Sexual pleasure doesn’t always have to come hand in hand with love – it can be fully enjoyed with another person, regardless of how long you’ve known them or whether you plan to see them again.
It’s part of the joy of being a grown up – choosing to enjoy sex simply because you feel like it and without the fear of getting a ‘reputation’ or being that type of girl (yawn).
Casual sex can be liberating, empowering and, in some ways, the purest form of sexual pleasure there is – I’ve had incredible sex with people I barely know.
Did it damage me or ruin the experience because it never came to more?
Not at all, I enjoyed it for what it was and moved on.
It also doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll be a one night stand.
I know plenty of people who’s relationships started with a ‘one night stand’ then grew into more, the fact they had sex on the first date being irrelevant.
Talking about weeding out the guys who are interested in a quickie, how about weeding out the guys who would question your morals to label you a type of person because you followed your natural instinct and didn’t wait the proverbial five dates until you had sex?
I know which one I’d prefer.