How do you find the vaginal opening and penetrate for the first time? Want to use tampon/have sex some day. (Been through sexual abuse)
I feel like I’m the the only one who’s having a hard time with this. (Especially at my age) I’m very confused when it comes to figuring out my genitalia. Plus I’m very scared of penetration. The only time I was ever penetrated was when I was continuously molested when I was a toddler. Every time I try to penetrate myself I get very nervous/scared because it brings up a lot of memories. (I think that might be a part of my problem)
When I try to find the opening I can’t see it or feel it. I tried using a mirror at many different angles and positions, tried feeling around and looking up vagina diagrams but nothing works.
I know it’s supposed to be low and at an angle but I still don’t see it/feel it. It just looks like pink skin and when I press it just feels like I’m pressing against a wall. It doesn’t look like the diagrams at all! The diagrams has a very obvious hole and my hole is very hard to find. I’m not sure if I have vaginismus because I’m not even sure if I’m pressing in the right spot.
I just don’t understand why it’s so difficult. A lot of girls figure out this kind of thing by the time they’re 13/14 when they try to use tampon. I feel like there is something wrong with me or that I’m just dumb. I’ve tried using a vibrator externally to try and open things up but the vibrator didn’t really do anything for me. Didn’t relax, didn’t open. Nothing.
Some people say you need to be aroused before you penetrate but that confuses me because how do women put in tampons when they’re not turned on?
I’m honestly just so confused and frustrated with my body. I feel like I’m trying to find out a very complex rubix cube. What frustrates me more is that people usually figure it out so easily and say “it’s not that complicated” but I feel like it is.
I’m also very afraid that even if I do find the opening and try to penetrate it will hurt.
I hate pads. I’m tired of ending relationships/being cheated on/ being broken up with whenever the conversation of sex comes up because I’m too afraid/can’t figure out sex/I’m not sexually satisfying my significant other.
I’m tired of knowing that my abuser is the last person that has penetrated me even after all these years.
I’m so sick of it.
I’m seeking treatment now but I feel like it’s gonna be a long time until I figure this out and become comfortable with the idea of penetration/sex.
Has anyone else ever gone through this sort of thing?
How did you figure it out if you did?
Makin_Waves: You have a period. Next time you’re bleeding clean the area then touch various spots around your vagina periodically examining your fingers. When you see the blood then you know you’ve found your vagina.
amandaem79: You definitely need to work through the sexual trauma. I was abused as a child and as a teen and it took me forever to come to terms with it, but you gotta do it, girl.
notoneofyourfans: Boy, this is really packed with a lot of stuff. You don’t say how old you are, but if you are still college-aged, it is completely normal for you to not be ready for PIV sexual interaction. maybe give up the boyfriend thing for right now. You have a lot to figure out by yourself before being ready to be all partnered up. First thing, if you haven’t had therapy for your molestation , you need to think about that. If you are an American with no health insurance consider a good book for [self-help](https://www.havoca.org/resources/havoca-shop/bookstore/). You need a clear look at your vulva. I recommend sitting bottomless on the floor with a mirror that is propped against at a wall. Most vulvas look kinda like a flower. Don’t be afraid to peel through the petals until you no longer see skin, but an actual slit. That should be your vaginal opening. You should be able to insert at least a fingertip without pain or discomfort. Do you have a gynecologist? If not, find one and go. If they have difficulty getting a speculum inside you, then you well may have some form of vaginismus. Slow down, take it one problem at a time.
Nighthawke731: It’s in between the lips just slowly wiggle your fingers between then and if it feels like a wall just slowly apply pressure and you’ll be in