Wife and I size difference down there? Asked to wear extender
Hey everyone so I’m struggling to deal with a sexual frustration between between my wife and I in the bedroom lately.
I am about average size – 5” – and I am unable to reach all of my wife’s pleasure spots.
We do use toys to make this happen but lately she has suggested that I wear some type of extender sleeve that she found online.
I don’t mind using toys but I’m honestly pretty hurt that she is asking me to wear something that I’m my mind is extremely emasculating.
Since she brought it up about a week ago I am on the verge of tears thinking about it. We have not had sex since she brought it up. It’s created a tension where I don’t feel confident anymore and she doesn’t want to upset me any more than I already am after she asked me to buy and wear this thing.
I’ve never been self conscious of my size until this happened. I know I am probably more on the lower end size of average but this whole thing has got me really fucked in the head.
Was she trying to hurt my feelings by asking? I don’t think so. I’m not sure if she found this online but I guess that’s better than if a friend of hers suggested it be that would mean she is sharing intimate aspects of our sex life with others (and just the thought of that has me feeling even more shit).
I am I rightfully upset by this? While I’m trying to be open minded I just cannot fathom this type of thing. I would never in a million years ask her to put something inside her vagina to make it more pleasurable for me but maybe it’s just not the same? Idk.
Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation and if so how did it go? I want to talk to her about this but not before trying to get a better understanding of where she is coming from.
EDIT: wife and I discussed. She wants to feel stretched out and wants me to be the one to do it. At first I did feel happy that she worded it that way but when I asked if she has felt this way all along she did admit that yes she did.
She confessed that she has been with a more well endowed man before (her ex BF that took her virginity actually) and that she hadn’t felt the same way since.
And it turns out that she had already ordered it already without first me agreeing to try it – which I feel is a bit weird? She also bought some male enhancement pills that I will be trying tonight.
I have pretty strong reservations but I am agreeing to try it and see how it goes. I might also seek therapy over my body image issues because I’m realizing that what I am experiencing is clearly unhealthy and contributing to an underlying toxicity in our relationship.
Thanks for the advice everyone.
CudleWudles: Don’t eat penis enlargement pills
Call_Down_For_What: I don’t have advice, but I just want to quickly comment and say it’s totay understandable to feel the way you do about the situation. Its a tricky situation and feeling to navigate
omibus: After having kids my wife is now larger than she was when we got married. That is good. She used to be so tight sex was painful for her.
Something I do from time to time is have ride me (cowgirl), bent forward so her breasts are right in my face. I will reach between her butt cheeks and slip 2 fingers inside her along with my penis. She only really feels the first couple inches anyway.
We do that once every couple weeks.
Also, I have heard that putting a butt plug in her will also increase the “full” feeling. I still have to experiment with that.
tompsonneke: Aren’t there other positions to try first? There are a lot of them that somewhat ‘shorten’ the vagina.
throwawayforporn59: If this was a discussion early in a relationship I thing I might handle it easier than if my long term partner only brought it up after marriage. I’m actually planning on trying an “enhancer” with my gf because it’s my fantasy. She’s a “try anything once” kinda girl, but she never would have asked me to wear one.
I think it was pretty inappropriate for her to tell you she enjoyed another man more than you in such a casual manner. My ex told me I was small compared to her previous partners and it hurt me more than I’d like to admit. It might take a long time for you come to terms with that knowledge and recover your confidence.
On the other hand, the fact that she asked you shows that she’s willing to work with you instead of seeking out another partner. If my partner wanted me to wear a sleve *occasionally* to change things up, I could probably handle that because I think toys are fun. If, she wanted me to wear one almost every time, I’d have to find a woman who was better fitted to my size. I couldn’t handle being with a woman who always needed me to be bigger to reach satisfaction.
I would say you just need to talk it out thoroughly. Would it be a once in a while thing to “spice it up”, or is she not satisfied at all with you? Has she been lying about how good the sex has been? Does she think about this other bigger partner because you’re not enough? The list of questions I would need answered goes on…
Good luck dude, this is a tough situation.
YearlyHipHop: >Was she trying to hurt my feelings by asking?
I doubt it. I’m sure she just wants to experience something new.
>I am I rightfully upset by this? I would never in a million years ask her to put something inside her vagina to make it more pleasurable for me but maybe it’s just not the same?
Yeah you are and it would be the same type of request IMO.
>Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation and if so how did it go?
Never been in this situation, but if I were I’d leave my girlfriend over the request. I find the request emasculating/humiliating and at the end of the day she’s saying you aren’t naturally enough for her.
This is a super sexually positive board and it seems like tons of the other comments are telling you to go along with it, but this is up to you. Your wife isn’t wrong for having her desires and wanting to try something new. You aren’t wrong for having a negative reaction to it and if you decide to not go along with it that wouldn’t be wrong either. You’ve got some other posts ITT worrying about what happens if you refuse and you shouldn’t go along with something just because you’re afraid of the consequences.
You need to talk about this with her and tell her how her request has affected you.
Hockey5150: No, whether she’s trying to be positive or not and whether she’s trying to seek out somewhere else or keeping it at home.. that’s awful.. that’s like putting a diet plan or a clothing piece that would slim her down or propose lipo suction.. it ‘may not be the same’ but if you think about it from a mental stand point it is the same women worry about their weight and looks it’s a natural thing that.. guys worry about their dicks they just do… she might as well have put a weight loss thing in front of you… it’s great that she’s open but there are just lines you don’t cross and I feel as though to me personally that’s crossing one.. I don’t have this issue with my girl friend I have about a top tier average to bottom tier above average so I can’t imagine what you’re going through but if that was said to me that would be a good way to “shoot down a horse” and whether you work through it or not it will now probably be on your mind forever and it’s a little selfish of her to say that I feel?… she shouldn’t hold back her feelings I want to make that clear but there are better avenues to go down.. because if that does satisfy what she’s looking for you may end up having sex with that forever… I don’t mean to be pessimistic with this but I got emotionally invested into this for your sake and I understand exactly where you’re coming from with that.. she needs to know she hurt you.. because if she doesn’t she may keep doing that.. she can be open but needs to be aware of your feelings too.
Nousernamemyfriend: Does she want you to wear it every time? Because I’m guess that would fuck up the way it feels for you. I get how hard it would be for her to bring this up to you and also how hard it would be fore you to hear.
getoutreeeeee: How does somebody end up married to someone they aren’t sexually compatible with… I know sex isn’t everything but sex is still very important
AsAlwaysItDepends: Feelings aren’t right or wrong, they just are. They originate from comparing what’s happening to what we wish was happening, so expectations are a big part of it.
I imagine where she might be coming from is just thinking in terms of pleasure and what she enjoys and sees this as just another way to enjoy toys with you and apparently not understanding your feelings/expectations about sex and masculinity. You two just need to sit down and talk all this out. If after you talk it out you still feel like this is effecting your feelings about her and your relationship and you want to work on it, [a sex positive therapist](http://assect.org) would be a great next step.
If you find that you aren’t able to get past this then it seems like it would be time to move on and maybe have a talk upfront with your next partner about your feelings about this topic.
6789012345: In my opinion it is the same as asking her to put something down there to help you and you are rightfully upset. Not sure advice though, this is heavy
neuenono: > I would never in a million years ask her to put something inside her vagina to make it more pleasurable for me but maybe it’s just not the same?
If her pussy couldn’t get you off, you really wouldn’t seek out an option to let you get off during PIV?
Very few women need a big/long dick to enjoy sex to its fullest. If you and your GF split up over this, it’s really unlikely that your next partner will have the same preferences.
Size does matter, because size contributes to the fit between partners. And bigger definitely isn’t necessarily better.
babasonicox: I will differ from the rest of the coments.
What I see, is a wife that want to explore her sexuallity full, and WITH you!!!
She’s not asking you if she can go out to find some monster cock dude to get laid.
She’s not going out to find that same dude to get laid without you knowing.
She’s asking YOU to give HER that feeling of beying pounded by a monster cock.
It’s not that you’re not enough for her, it’s simply that she wants to find out what’s the feel of a monster inside her. She just want to explore, and she’s asking YOU to join the ride with her.
If I were you, I please my wife and enjoy her finding those new feelings. At the end, it’s YOU giving HER what she’s looking for!
Enjoy man!!! She’s so confortable with you, and she think you are confident enough that was capable of asking you for it. Most womans will not do that in first place in order to not hurt feelings.
You have a great wife and an amazing open comunication.
31THK31: I actually kinda thought about using it. I know it’s emasculating but that feeling could go away quickly. I felt emasculated when I found my wife was secretly using 8 inch dildo but that went away pretty quick after we started using it together and I see that she’s enjoying it. This happened very recently so I don’t want to get ahead of myself but am willing to try it sometime.
whombastank: Reading your edit, you seem to be in a pretty good position where she loves you enough to wanna make it work. At least she is being honest with you, even if it sucks to hear. I was actually in the same position a year ago with my ex. Truth is everyone is different sizes lol and sometimes we just have find a way to make it work! Good luck to you, and have fun experimenting! Just keep the communication going.
apchicago: to me, this just sounds like a way to explore sex further. That doesn’t mean you’re going to be using it every time you have sex, and maybe she won’t find it pleasurable. she wants to experiment and try it out, just for the sake of spicing it up. i understand it might sound offensive, but that’s not how she intended it
Just because she brought it up doesn’t mean her friend told her and suggested that. she could also just happen to know of the sleeves/other toys without talking to her friends about it.
Notwhoiwas67: I won’t say you are right or wrong to feel however you feel about it. I will say though that I think much depends on wether or not she saying she wants you to wear it every time or just sometimes. Every time would suggest that you in your natural state is not enough,not satisfactory to her. Just sometimes would suggest that you are enough,but that she sometimes likes a bit more.
HLM40: Yes buddy make the most of her honesty and openness or she will keep her feelings and ideas to herself. With my wife I’d definitely want the fore mentioned
badatestimating12345: Both you and your wife have sexual preferences. She is expressing one of her preferences to you and asking you to participate. You’re attaching to her preference an attack on your masculinity because of the size of your penis, but these two things don’t need to be attached. It sounds like you might both benefit from some counseling, she may need to be more cautious about saying something that damages your sense of masculinity and you need to be open to the idea that your wife can love you for who you are and still want to feel what it is like to have a bigger penis inside her.
Tilestesselated: Try therapy.
itslikeacowsopinion: This just sounds like something she wants to try. If you aren’t comfortable with it, tell her that. She sounds like she likes you and this isn’t coming off as a deal breaker to me
huntercouple: Rather than an extender, why not start with a larger vibrator? That way, rather than compensating directly for your own penis, it’s an additional toy you can pleasure her with while she’s going down on you. If it fills and pleasures her more than regular sex, you can still take the credit, as you’re the one using it on her. You’re the one giving her the orgasm with the toy in your hand.
HLM40: Just to add neither of you will probably enjoy it that much as you won’t be able to feel anything and she won’t get off knowing your not that excited. Go with it for the experience- Maybe suggest she takes it up the rear also to keep it real;)
diehard1972: Keep in mind that variety of sexual activity is wide and this “stretching” item is just one of many. So focus on variety but also explore other areas. There are endless “kinks” or whatever you want to call them but in the end focus on this: You’re doing it with her and she with you. You’re exploring. So go beyond one item, which may or may not make you feel some insecurities. It’s ok but don’t think of this moment/event as the only or rare request or think of this of one item for an almost endless progression.
I personally wear all kinds of things and visaversa because I personally almost require variety in my sex life.
too-sassy-4-u: I think you’re over thinking this. She just wants to change it up once in a while. Did she actually say that you’re not big enough? Because 5” is plenty big enough for most women.
Some women just love the feeling of being stretched, and I’m sure your size is perfect for her but she just wants that occasional extra. Just like when women use bigger dildos or enjoy fisting, it’s just a temporary satisfaction that they are looking for.
Go to Bad Dragon and check them out, there are a lot of people into using bigger toys.
You should just try it, you might be surprised at how much you enjoy the extra pleasure you give your wife.
ocjmakaveli: Its better to please her and put your ego aside. If shes not feeling satisfied its no ones fault because people like what they like and unfortunately if she feels unsatisfied for a long period of time this can cause cheating. Although injustified it still happens.
allensamuels378: I have a 2inch so extender is the only way. So enjoy the added pleasure
mr_li_jr: Maybe take the extender for yourself, make it your toy, not hers. Wear it on your own and see if it makes you feel like a big dick porn star. Maybe you’ll be keen to try it on her…
forest_faunus_: Maybe there is other solution 🙂
what do you think of penis pump : they create a vacum that enlarge the penis and the pleasure for a certains amount of time.
If this is okay for you you can bring it to her : this will mean “yay i understand and I want to have initiative in the process”
This will even be more interesting than toys because it will be your cock 100%
But Ask you a question ; why a sleeve if you used toys … That’s because she want to feel it’s more you and surely feel that you take pleasure in the process. I think it can be viewed as positive nontheless.
BUT TALK ABOUT IT
Taalk about it freely , tell her what you feel but don’t shame or judge her. Feeling are feeling , you have to be open about them. Maybe a therapist can help.
HLM40: My relationship is the opposite- I suggest it and wifey doesn’t want it.
Slip it on and give flyer the pounding she deserves.
Your average in size like me. Average feet, height hair colour and cock size. Communication is key – -enjoy the fun your partner suggests – believe me it’s really hard work when you don’t get nothing.