SankeyHave you ever wondered how to approach a woman? What exactly do you say to break the ice? And what about that feeling of nervousness and anxiety that envelops you when you go to talk to her? Don’t worry help is at hand. Jonathan Sankey, an Australian lawyer and entrepreneur who has been trying to crack the attraction code and develop a blueprint for men and women to speedily meet and greet the partner of their dreams through his website – Seduce in Seconds gives us seven tips to score big:
Tip 1: Be playful
When I say you should be playful, I mean you should create a light, flirty non-awkward conversation with women. Playfulness should come from your physical and verbal delivery. The way you say things is more important than the actual thing said.
Tip 2: Be counterintuitive, be different
What that means is that you say, do or act in a way that differs from the usual expected norm. Let’s take an example. Somebody asks you ‘What do you do for a living?’ – a very normal question early on in the getting to know somebody -process. The usual response to this would be to start blabbering about how you are a doctor/lawyer/banker/an artist and try to impress the woman. Even though I have university degrees in business and law, I still prefer to be counter intuitive and make a joke about how I am a professional proof-reader for skywriters. It is an answer that is funny, shows that I don’t take myself too serious and most importantly it differentiates me from the rest of the crowd. (Read: 10 things not to do or say while trying to seduce women!)
Tip 3: Be indifferent
Don’t make a woman that you just met and don’t really know, the centre of your universe. Coming off as needy will definitely kill the attraction. Instead of revealing all your cards at once, keep things a bit mysterious and send some mixed messages.
Tip 4: Try the push and pull method
The concept of push and pull is a bit related to the principle of indifference. Basically what I mean is that you shouldn’t be the ‘yes-man’ all the time. It is perfectly fine to disapprove something that women say or do. This is what I call the push. The pull means that we counter the effects of the push by saying something positive, complimenting the woman about something we truly like about her. We want to create an emotional roller coaster that just makes the interactions more enjoyable. In short, women are attracted 80% mentality and 20% visually so it is NOT men’s appearance – it is the affect they have on women’s psychology. (Read: Valentine’s Day special: Seduce your partner with these aphrodisiacs)
Tip 5: Use humour to break the ice
You can break the ice in many ways and humour is by far the most effective. If people are laughing, their defences are down and their brains are producing positive chemical releases. Additionally, humour is seen by women as a trait of intelligence and works positively towards their instincts to find a man who has survival and replication value. Let us say you are in a nightclub and she is waving her hand in front of her trying to get rid of some smoke. This is the perfect chance for you to make a witty situational comment to open her .e.g. ‘If you want to hail a cab you should leave the club’. Or a woman at your local store pays for something with a lot of small change so you could comment ‘Slow down big spender, I cannot say I’ve ever met someone who’s as fond of coins as you are.’
Tip 6: Leave the right impression
You have probably heard the first impression is very important but they’re wrong. People will only remember the last 20% of the time they spend /interact with you. So, you can actually have a terrible conversation for the first 80% of the time and still be successful as you will be remembered not on your first impression, but on your last. Always try to end the interaction on a high note.
Tip 7: Be direct
If you choose to be direct, meaning that you go up to the woman and says ‘Hi, I wanted to meet you because you are cute/beautiful/look like an interesting person’, then you should also state that ‘I knows this is a bit weird / sleazy / forward / inappropriate’. You need to say it out loud because that’s what the woman is thinking. If you bring negatives or awkwardness to the surface then it becomes non-threatening. The inherently less threatening way is to start the conversation with a witty comment about something related to the situation or environment you two are in. If you see that she is focused on something, then concentrate on what she is interested in already. She will be more likely to talk about something if it is on her mind already.
Remember, in totality, women look for a man to be a ‘good deal’, something that she can’t find elsewhere. Someone differentiated. (Read: Guide to first-time sex for men)
Jonathan Sankey is an Australian lawyer and entrepreneur. Since 2004 he have been trying to crack the attraction code and develop a blueprint for men and women to speedily meet and keep the partner of their dreams. My website is called Seduce in Seconds where we offer free articles and eLearning material. Over the years, the site has helped thousands of people to better their social skills in over 26 countries.