How do I [19M] make up for accidentally ejaculating inside my girlfriend [18F]?
(Note: Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to provide all the details and context in case it changes anything. TL;DR at the bottom!)
So this past weekend, my girlfriend stayed over my house and it was great. Going on dates, browsing some Netflix shows (Terrace House included! She seemed a bit less interested in me though), having sex, etc. Everything was all good until Saturday night. I really wanted to have sex, and she was up for it as well, but I just couldn’t get my penis 100% erect. (May have been due to ejaculating earlier that day, or nerves, or both.) I could get to maybe 70-80%, enough to comfortably put a condom on. So we did, and I initiated.
The sex was good (from my point of view at least), and I finished as usual. (I wish I could say she came as well, but we’ve been working on getting her to finish during PIV sex. I’d thought that clitoral stimulation might help, but she told me that there’s so much going on that adding clit action doesn’t actually help her get any closer. I digress.) When I pulled out, something felt different — it felt more… raw than usual? I look down and I see the condom… no longer on my penis. I don’t know if it came off during thrusting, or slid off as I was pulling out, but we were both mortified as condoms have been our only birth control method. In a panic, I apologized profusely, gave her some paper towels and asked if there was anything I could do — she excused herself to the bathroom to clean up. We are both in college and very much unprepared to support a child.
Afterwards, I tried to be as kind and understanding as possible by keeping a small distance between us and asking if there was anything I could do to help the situation. I offered to pick up and pay (100%) for Plan B first thing the next morning, but she politely declined, saying that her period should be coming up soon and that her fertile period had passed. As it turned out, there was a past trauma with an ex that went in unprotected, and she ended up having to deal with the entire Plan B situation alone, without the support of anyone. After making sure she didn’t want time alone from me to think, we had a bit of a cry and an emotional cuddle. I tried my best to reaffirm that she’s not alone, it wasn’t her fault that this happened, and that I’d take responsibility for what happens next. I made sure to mention that having sex again was not a priority for me, and that I’m much more concerned that she’s okay than when our next encounter would be.
The next morning, we looked up facts about Plan B — she’d initially thought that taking it 3 times in your lifetime would mess up a woman’s body forever. We found out that this wasn’t true, but she was still reluctant to take Plan B (possibly because of her traumatic last experience with it). As much as I’d want her to take it just to be safe (I even offered to buy it and give it to her for her to choose as she liked), it’s not my body and I can’t force her to make a decision.
That day we went out for brunch, and although things were a bit awkward, I think she understood how seriously I took the situation and was open to forgiving me. I feel awful for putting her through this emotional turmoil again, and I want to make amends for not being more mindful during our sexual experience. I was thinking about learning how to make her favorite dish, and then adding dessert with her favorite pie and ice cream flavor. I can’t help but feel like this is a bit of a shallow solution to something that really put my SO in a super stressful situation. Is there anything I’m missing, or do you guys have any better ideas? (I’d post this to r/relationships, but the subject matter seemed a bit too explicit!)
TL;DR: Condom slipped off and accidentally came inside girlfriend Saturday night. Tried my hardest to be supportive in whatever way possible, but I want to make up for all the stress she got put in as a result. Is dinner with her favorite dish/pie/ice cream too shallow of a solution?
beachedblondie: Jesus it was an accident. Get a plan B and make a pie and move on!
Easttnc: give her time, be supportive and best of all good luck females are fertile a few days before and after there periods.
It sounds like she is not over the past situation and that will lead to complications in your own relationship with her.
Talk to her, encourage her to talk to someone before it becomes a strong issue in your relationship.
GulliblePlankton: You can make dinner for her and all that, but the most important thing (I think) is making sure it doesn’t happen again.
BasedSliceOfWinning: Probably gonna get downvoted, but it was clearly an accident. It’s as much her fault as it is yours. Which is basically none, shit happens. Stop feeling guilty.
Euphoria8791: Why are you apologizing? It happens and she knew the risks when having sex. What do you have to make up for?
antiproton: That’s a bit over dramatic, don’t you think? Teenagers, man.
philthy444: If it was an honest accident just apologize and let her know that you will make sure it doesn’t happen again. Communication is key while she goes through this. Buy flowers, make food, take her out to dinner. Do whatever feels good to you. We can only make suggestions here. Just don’t ignore her or pressure her. Accidents happen. Sorry man.
Coidzor: Foot rubs, back rubs, massages, making a point to do things that she enjoys and that relax her, for at least a month. Without being so overt about it that she feels pressured or like you’re overwhelming her.
Or you can talk to her directly about how you can help alleviate her stress and what she would enjoy doing together or you doing for her.
Definitely need to have a long discussion about [safer sex](http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/safe_sound_sexy_a_safer_sex_howto) and your [contraceptive options](http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexual_health/birth_control_bingo) ([Planned Parenthood](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control)), because it sounds like she really needs to get the real, good information after previously having been fed misinformation and lies by someone. Also because the two of you should work out how you’re going to have safer sex so that you won’t have any real risk of ejaculating inside of her unprotected unless that is what the two of you have agreed upon and planned.
[Using two methods of birth control helps preclude future events like this, too.](http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexual_health/the_buddy_system_effectiveness_rates_for_backing_up_your_birth_control_with_a_)