Girlfriend squirted and orgasmed now she wants to break up
So the other day me(20m)and my (19f)girlfriend were getting hot and heavy, she had came twice already. While is was on top going hard and fast i reached my hand down and started stimulating her clit and within a minute a bunch of liquid started coming out and her body was shaking. I didn’t know what to do so I kept going and she like lost control of her body it looked like. It honestly looked fake. Anyways it made a huge mess and she was incredibly embarrassed even though we’ve been together for over a year. She left basically right after and wouldn’t talk to me for a day.
She is very religious and has never allowed me to give her an orgasm during PiV(I give her orgasms through oral/fingering) she has always stopped me or made us stop. I’ve always asked why but she would never tell me anything other than she wasn’t ready.
Now she will barely is talking to me and says she’s unsure of our relationship. I don’t know what to do. It’s so fucking weird.
I don’t know if this is the right place to post this. But I kinda wanted to share this
rckymtnrfc: I see these other comments that suggest it was her religious views that made her not want PIV orgasms.
I think maybe she knew she could squirt and she’s embarrassed by it. Perhaps she even had a past experience where a guy said it was “gross” or implied she peed instead of squirted.
I think you might want to address the squirting. She might be reluctant to talk about it. If that is the case, I’d just let her know that you don’t think it’s gross, that it’s a normal reaction and many women squirt. If it’s a turn on for you, let her know. Don’t force her to discuss it but just let her know your view and leave it at that.
Perhaps, once she realizes you don’t think she’s some kind of freak, she’ll come back into the relationship and when she’s ready, talk to you about the squirting.
Code3LI: So… You can finger her and give her oral to give her an orgasm, you can have conventional PiV sex, but you can’t give her an orgasm with PiV sex? I mean, you can, but doesn’t like it?
To me it sounds like she is royally confused about sex due to her religious upbringing. I’ve seen a few people like this that have had weird sexual boundaries. But this… this doesn’t even make sense.
Jobasheff: How religious is her family? I know it’s been said a lot but religion can seriously fuck up how a person perceives sex & sexiality even without some hidden trauma. If this is the case (and I really think it is) you may be in for a long road working her out of repression. Mostly because whatever mental-lynchpin is holding together her bizarre logic is likely very deep and itself convoluted.
Alternatively she may have suffered a trauma in her past she’s been unwilling to share. In which case PROCEED WITH CAUTION. She may still not be ready tp talk and if she gets there be ready for a not-so-fun ride. Patience & compassion are your allies in this.
Lastly, regardless of the reason, it may be a good idea to let her break it off. Especially because she’s so quick to. Its one thing to feel emberassed but if this isn’t the result of trauma it’s a pretty extreme response. If you feel you lack the emotional stamina- and you will need a lot- to see her through this, save the both of you (yourself in particular) that heart ache and end it now.
locomon0: I think you may have crossed her boundary of “don’t make me cum from PIV” and tbh having a crazy orgasm like that from piv for the first time especially if its a line she didn’t want to cross is probably scary. I think she may feel a little violated and upset. I would approach her and say “hey I’m sorry I crossed that line the other day, but I think we really need to talk about what it going on and why you are so opposed to simulation during PIV”
OceansideCa: Sounds like she is hiding behind her upbringing and religious views and afraid of what her body enjoys.
ireasearch: It is possible that this type of orgasm does not feel good to her at all. She may have known she could squirt and found it very unpleasant. Not all orgasms feel good. I don’t like squirting. It does not feel good to me.
I hated the feeling of forced orgasms. My ex did them to me all the time. They were about him having power and control over my body. They were not for my pleasure, but to torture me. They actually hurt.
If this is the case for OP’s girlfriend, she may not be able to articulate the discomfort and she may be worried that he will now keep doing it, instead of listening to her about not having an orgasm through PIV.
cicadawing: Dude, I was with a girl for 4.5 years and she never let me have sex with her. Occasionally, she would let me finger her and very, very occasionally go down on her, but she always, always felt intensely guilty….because Jesus.
I am still resentful. If Jesus is cockblocking you then it’s not going to ever feel right. Let her go.
princesshamtaro: Because she’s religious she can’t have an orgasm with a dick, but she can with oral/hand stuff even though you two have sex. What the heck
NeverExedBefore: I highly urge you to invest the next four years of your own life attempting to help her explore her relationship values and her sexuality throughout periods of dead bedrooms, volatile emotional sex, and therapy-based exercises to help her feel more comfortable with herself until she finally figures out what she likes and finds that it isn’t really you and she thanks you for everything you taught her and all the patience and you really are the perfect guy but she’s got to explore.
Do that. You will definitely, NEVER, *ever* regret it
T3kG33k: I’ve seen a lot of replies about religion but couldn’t she be embarrassed because of the squirting?
Maybe she has a tendency to squirt during PIV sex and was trying not orgasm to avoid the embarrassment mess? I’d be mortified if I peed because I came too hard during a hand or blow job. I’m a guy so it’s as close as I can get to putting myself in her place.
Talk to her and be reassuring about it. My wife can be a bit of a squirter too and she was nervous about orgasming PIV with me too.
IDCAYO: Religious people always crack me up like what kind of logic is this?
LonsomeLoser: What religion does she follow that she won’t allow herself to orgasm with conventional sex? Yet you guys still have it? I understand no sex before marriage, but this just strikes me as odd.
lilsebastianswaffles: Which religion endorses non PIV orgasms only? Legit confused.
saltedfish: Many religious people, or people with religious backgrounds, have some serious hang-ups about sex (a search through this subreddit will confirm this). In particular, squirting can be alarming and confusing even for people who are sex-positive but just aren’t in the know about it. For your girlfriend, it was probably a shocking and borderline terrifying thing. There’s a good chance — though I streess that I’m saying this without actually *knowing* your girlfriend — she was so embarrassed and upset that it may have turned her off of sex altogether.
As with many things that are personal and embarrassing, give her space and stop pestering her. Just tell her you love her and still want to be with her, and then give her space. And prepare yourself for her to withdraw from your relationship entirely, or if the relationship does endure, for her to cease sexual activity. People respond to these things in unpredictable ways. I’m not saying this is what will happen, but it might, and you should be prepared.
It might help to also find some articles about squirting and how it is perfectly normal. Don’t send them to her, but have them on hand in case she starts asking questions.
This next part is not to lay blame at your feet — since there is little chance you knew what was about to happen — but always remember to talk with your partners about what you do in the sack. Preferably *before* you get in the sack. Popping a surprise move on someone who isn’t ready for it is a good way to kill the mood, or worse, breach consent.
Remember this is mostly out of your hands and trying to get your hands in the situation isn’t likely to help.
Sir_packsalot: It’s because she squirts. She’s confused/embarrassed. This is most likely the reason she didn’t allow herself to orgasm.
dirtymindedguy: Sounds to me like she knew that PIV would make her squirt so she stopped you when she was getting close. now you make it happen anyway and she’s obviously embarrassed and upset about it.
you need to back off the sex, tell you you want to be with her, and also have a discussion about what is normal sexually, which this obviously is.
you need to give her some time to process and come to terms with something she is uncomfortable with. I would advise reassuring her how much you care about her and taking a break from sex for a little bit meanwhile…
LionInBed: Maybe it’s linked to some kind of past experience that she’s just not equipped to deal with?
It could remind her of a previous relationship or something like that.
Have you tried asking her if she wants to talk about it? It might be difficult but if you are serious with her it would make you both stronger. Just my 2 cents. Best wishes!
StainSp00ky: I haven’t been in your exactly circumstances, OP, but I also dated a few fairly religious girls. I’ve been through the kind of grey area when it comes to sexual boundaries and a more prudish upbringing makes it all a little more difficult for all parties involved.
An important thing to remember is that with more religious women, some people have a lot of guilt after having any type of sexual contact. It’s unfortunate, but it sounds like this experience may have embarrassed her and made her feel bad about her religion.
All in all, what I would recommend to do is just to let her know that you support her in any way. Don’t try to persuade her or convince her of anything. Just be there for her as she tries to figure everything out
IAmDude: Reassure her that you love her how she is.
ronmexico314: Tell her that she might as well enjoy it since she already committed a sin. 😆
Lady_Generic: How did you react when she squirted?
jeanlucdiscard4: What I find even weirder is when an OP makes a post and has loads of great people giving replies and he doesn’t respond to a single person.
Mirawenya: My theory was immediatly that she knew she was a squirter, and is now dying from embarrassment. If you’re ok with squirting, try reassure her, if it’s not your thing, breaking up might be best anyways.
bobpaul: >Anyways it made a huge mess and she was incredibly embarrassed
This is not uncommon. There’s some stigma around squirting and she may believe she wet the bed, which is embarrassing.
Not only that but she had an orgasm strong enough to make her lose control. For some people, this is the goal. For other people (especially the first time it happens), this is scary and embarrassing.
>It honestly looked fake.
This makes me think your story is lacking details where you said some not so nice things and upset her further. Think back and consider if you did or said anything that *COULD* have come across as mean. Then apologize. For example, *did you ask her if she faked it?* Did you say something in surprised shock like “*What the hell just happened?*”. You might have hurt her feelings unintentionally.
Ciderglove: You’re young, and she’s young and insane. The only possible way that this might be solved is if you two talk about this. If she isn’t capable of seeing reason, there’s nothing you can do, and you shouldn’t waste your time with it.
malachi_23: In 10 short years you will be 30 and dating people who are 30 and you won’t have to deal with this kind of thing any more.
akasquishy: It would seem to me that maybe she doesn’t want to orgasm during PIV because that would prove that she is enjoying it.. she has given herself some reason why it doesn’t go against her beliefs just to do it, maybe because you like it, but she isn’t allowed to enjoy the pleasure of it. That would indicate she is letting her “impure desire” take precedence over her faith.
avenger5524: This is the type of person I would never go down the relationship path with. Good luck to you.
CARVER-D12: I’m sorry but sex to me is a key part of being in a relationship. Not only are you sharing your time but you’re also sharing your bodies. I would talk to her about it at first, she’s probably embarrassed and is acting irrational. If it’s a religious thing then that’s up to you if you see a future with this girl. Just be thankful you didn’t cross this bridge 5 years down the road, trust me, there is someone out there for everyone.
My ex never complained about squirting. If anything she would get pissed if I didn’t make her squirt. I remember I was trying a new thing with my fingers and suddenly the fluids started dripping out. She never squirt before but after that she was hooked. Whenever she squirted after that it would just leave a puddle on the sheets. Most of the time she squirt from me just going down on her slowly.
Warphead: This is why she wasn’t ready, she’s mortified.
HatesNewUsernames: Is it possible that she thought she peed? I have heard that is a common response to squirting. When it happened to my wife and I we knew what it was and just laughed but if you don’t expect it or know what it is or believe that it’s possible then it could be very embarrassing.
Could it also be possible that she thinks her virginity requires no piVa orgasms? Just thinking in type.
SebbyNR: I mean I’m religious but I must have missed the whole “thou shall not squirt” verse. I think for your own mental health, you should not feel guilt over this. You are still young and it would be awful for you to associate making someone orgasm with feeling guilty. You’re dealing with some irrational stuff…
Air_to_the_Thrown: Religious people are crazy
Scottmk4: Religion: not even once.
ashbae: Real talk, the girl doesnt seem mature enough or emotionally ready to have sex. Her boundaries are unrealistic and she isnt great at communicating them.
WildWellington: One day you are going to be able to boast “I once made a girl cum so hard she broke up with me.” Awesome.
August12th: My suggestion is to bail, religious beliefs like these are just a one way ticket to trouble.
Dire87: I mean it sucks, but are you sure you didn’t just dodge a bullet there? Yeah, I know, sounds like a fucked up thing to say, but if someone is so indoctrinated by faith, what can you do? You’re still young. You can tell her that this is normal human behaviour and it feels good and should be celebrated, but if she doesn’t see it that way, everything you do will probably just make her more adamant in her decision that this was somehow a sinful experience. Why she would have sex with you and willingly orgasm from fingering I don’t know, but then I rarely do understand anything that has to do with religion.
If she doesn’t talk to you…well, sorry, mate :/
PooPooPawChew: Ill never understand religious people
El_Miyagi: She could just be confused on how to handle that and feels bad. My girl was like that the first I made her squirt ever and she felt “dirty” because she thought she felt like she peed me. After talking about it everything has been fine.
burritobitch: Fucking wait it out. Sounds like you stuck your fingers in crazy. Patience. If it doesn’t work then it doesn’t. She clearly has some hurdles to get over. Goodluck champion of the squirt!
willowgardener: Her boundary here probably comes room the value that women are not supposed to enjoy sex. She found a loophole in the religious prohibitions against sex so long as she doesn’t orgasm from it. Now she’s feeling ashamed for breaking her rule and may be projecting some of that onto you. That’s my hypothesis anyway.
Give her space, let her know you love and support her, but respect that she’s got to figure this out on her own. She may come to you to talk about this, and if she does, listen and validate what she’s saying. Ask clarifying questions in a nonconfrontational way. And do your best to see where she’s coming from.
It sounds like she has a lot of stuff to unpack. That’s her journey, and while you can support her on that journey, you cannot travel it for her.
daraghfi: Is it possible that she thought she urinated?
Blackstreak95: I think she’s embarrassed about the squirting….
superfreak_1969: Her loss
muffinbutt_cutepantz: Maybe it’s that she thought you were aware of her boundaries with orgasming during piv and she feels betrayed that you went ahead. (Note she may have been unable to say no etc due the intensity / caught in the heat of the moment but didn’t actually want it)
_MellonCollie_: I am one of those girls that was raised in an extremely conservative culture. Even though my family is very open-minded when it comes to religion or sex, the rest of the society still managed to affect my perceptions and I am still struggling with feeling bad about anything sexual I do. I have pretty strong sex-drive but had never really enjoyed sexual activities that much. I used to be terrified by the idea of PIV sex (never had one) and very self-conscious about having an orgasm with a guy (shame, embarrassment, vulnerability).
Luckily I have had a bf who was very into oral and female orgasm in general. He would tell me how much he enjoyed it when he could lick me and make me cum, how yummy I was and how he could not wait to see me again. I also read A LOT about how men see sex and what they feel like when they make women cum. I have found out that MEN ARE GREAT. Most of them would actually think that we are all beautiful and even more beautiful when we cum. Men are so into female pleasure that I am not really worried that much about being very vulnerable and cumming with a guy. EDUCATE HER somehow on that matter and once she finds out how great guys actually are when it comes to sex, she will not be that embarrassed I bet.
redditninemillion: She knows she squirts, that’s why she would let you go all the way oral but not piv. She knew she’d squirt and she didn’t want to in front of you. That’s what she’s reacting to.
She’s religious, so probably also not comfortable with her body. Squirting is not common so it’s probably very significant for her. Bunch of shame and pleasure at the same time. Hard to deal with as basically a kid.
If I were you I’d focus on saying you don’t want to lose her. That you think you know why she’s freaked out about it and that you should talk about it. And that if she’s embarrassed she shouldn’t be, it’s kind of hot.
Young and religious is tough, good luck dude
neon_taco: Imo she’s embarrassed about the squirting and being vulnerable.
wolfington12: Religion is generally harmful
LordLongbeard: A) dont tell her you thought it was fake
B) be supportive and caring
C) tell her you loved it and were really flattered that she had such a strong reaction to you
heimdal77: > She is very religious
Simplist thing is she had her head filled with bs that receiving pleasure during sex is evil but justified that the other stuff didn’t count as sex. Or something along those lines.
I went with a girl briefly that was brought up heavily religious. She was naturally sexually aggressive but at same time so racked with guilt that every time after just starting but before actually doing anything she would break down and have to cry for a few mins. Then she would be ready to go again. She was so torn between what she personally wanted as a person and what she thought she had to live up to in other peoples and her religion eyes.
CHAOSLENA: It’s great you were able to help her achieve that, but it wasn’t something she was ready for or wanted. I know in order for me to achieve crazy orgasms my bf had to go past the point I would have liked to stop in order for me to get there. I am okay with that.
However, this sounds to me like you kind of breached her consent. She wasn’t ready to go this far, was there any indication she wanted you to stop stimulation?
Jupiterdopplehanger: Hang in there, OP. She’ll come back around.
Butt_Man_69: Sounds like she has been fighting it and now she feels like she had a reason to let the freak come out which would go against her whole personal philosophy.
kaleb_roberts: Give her space, support her. If she keeps acting strange and distant end it. Her behavior is not your fault.
You’re too young to continue a unhealthy relationship. I mean it’s great that you have sex, but advice from a 31year old sexually active male. If I can’t get the girl off I don’t even want to have sex with her.
Another point, although she’s young, and could snap out of it. She might have these issues throughout life as well. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship without communication if sexual needs wants and desires. It ultimately leads to cheating if you fear being open and honest with your spouse.
grumpyhermit67: Other than asking her what was wrong you can’t do anything. Unless she asked you to stop, you have no control over when she orgasms. All this other stuff is irrelevant since if she didn’t want to orgasm she could’ve told you to stop or pushed you off and if that didn’t happen then she allowed herself to climax.
Maybe she was was mad that it felt so good that she couldn’t ask you to stop and she’s pissed at you because she couldn’t help herself or maybe y’all are just young as shit and still getting a feel for what you are comfortable with sexually.
Ask her about it and if she doesn’t want to talk then there’s nothing for you to do. You never know what might be for the best. There’s a reason for the saying, “Never stick your dick in crazy”.
She’s had orgasms before so she knew what was coming during the build-up. Unless you are telepathic then you had no idea when she was about to cross the point of no return. Don’t stress over it.
Wizrd11: Without knowing the girl personally, there’s only so much anyone here can tell you. I dated a girl like that for a few years who was religious and all about staying a virgin till marriage. We did everything except vaginal or anal sex. During fingering she would always stop me before she came and finish me off. One time she didn’t, had a great orgasm, and then bawled for like 15 minutes while I tried to calm her down. It made messing around more difficult after that, but it didn’t make her question the relationship itself, just how physical we were.
What I’d tell you to do is talk to her. Focus on just spending time together and don’t push for sexual contact or anything until it’s all mellowed out and she’s gotten over it. When people have these freakish religious guilt issues, they have to work it out themselves so you’ll need to give her time.
oooootandaboooot: Some women feel guilty about enjoying sex I’m one of these women. I will go long periods without sex because I feel like if I pursue sex then I’m a whore. I hooked up with an ex too a couple months ago and felt really shameful after even though I had fun with him :/. Edit: while I’m not religious I was in an abusive relationship and this maybe why I feel this way. Looking to talk to a counselor and she should do the same.
TheKunit: So, I know you have been with her for over a year now, but you may have dodged a bullet with this one. I’ve had experiences with sexually repressed women due to religious beliefs, it fucking sucks. I was even brought up religious and didn’t have sex until marriage. Guess what? It took 2-3 years after marriage to even be able to have sex without immediately losing my erection. Religion is awful for your sex life.
If she’s open to maybe seeing a professional about this, then that’s one thing. But know this, it will take YEARS AND YEARS to be able to even remotely fix the damage to herself brain caused by religion. It’s a bumpy road at best, full of disappointment and unfulfilled needs. And at the end of that road? Maybe she changes and can enjoy sex, but maybe she doesn’t. By this time you are probably married and have kids and are tied down.
My advice, no matter what you do, get this figured out BEFORE you take things to the next level with this girl. One way or another this is going to come back again and again until it’s dealt with.
ahchava: Sounds like she needs to talk through it with someone with spiritual insight that won’t judge her for having sex. I’m a pastor, You can PM me if you want to get her in touch with me via Skype. I can’t guarantee the outcome, because it’s something she needs to process and decide for herself, but I do feel like I can help her get to the point where she’s not making the decision out of guilt or poor self image or being freaked out about having a great orgasm.
kendallb183: She is feeling shame like crazy. This should be a good start on what you should do.
Crashlands: Why religion is dumb lol
XTURNPIKEMICKX: Hey man you’re young. Its simple. You want to do it? Yes
Doesn’t appear the case.
Shit can be SUPER confusing for a young lady and/or young man, especially sex.
You may never know why but I️ hope you can help her understand and it will be okay.
Good luck man
white_girl_lover: I’m dead
-drunkenmaster: Hope you get everything worked out if thats what you want. Ive been there personally with the whole religious upbringing and it’s a bitch. Even though its hard as hell in my experience patience, understanding, and reassurance are huge. Just keep reassuring her everything she is experiencing is perfectly normal and fine.
ACortezWantsFun: I am not sure what to say other than, man she may be hyper-orgasmic, but she may have a big guilt trip thing about premarital or should I say unmarried sex. Whatever it is, she’s on a head trip. Maybe she thought you got her pregnant and mistook her jiz for yours?
illimitable1: I want to point out that if your girlfriend is doing things she’s not comfortable with, she should either come to be comfortable with those things (the reddit majority opinion), or else modify her behavior to match her views. There’s nothing wrong with having religious faith, in my opinion, but people can really feel bad if their actions and beliefs aren’t in accordance. In such a case, something has to give.
crazyprotein: so she’s having sex outside of marriage but the orgasm is not ok? 🙂
meathooks: Perhaps she feels too tempted to “sin” if she stays in a relationship with you. She might be cutting off contact because of a guilty conscience.
Frijid: God approves of loopholes.
white_titty_lover: It’s not weird. Like you said she is very religious. She probably has had her doubts about what you guys have been doing this whole in time. But that really embarrassing moment she had with you probably gave her a wake-up call.
And it was probably for the better anyway because if she was very religious and you are not very religious you guys would have eventually had some problems when it comes to the more liberal part of sex
ReneDiscard: Real talk, OP: she’s going to be marinating on how good that felt for weeks. All she’s going to be thinking about during grace on Thanksgiving is the euphoria of you tickling her clit and how it made her lose control.
Stop talking to her for two weeks at the most and I guarantee she’s going to be knocking your door down.
torbjorn_bradda: It’s her loss…. Sadly…ㅠㅠ
boobsrbest: I’d leave. A reaction like that isn’t bound to change anytime soon and it’s only going to cause you more grief.
You’re young, you’ll find another soon.
VampArcher: Are you sure you should be having sex with this person at all? If she is that sensitive about sexual matters, this was bound to happen.
jesterb00m: Boy, you fucked the relationship right out of her.
Vika3105: Having some experience with super religious friends, one of them was told by her religious head that having orgasm would make her pregnant. Maybe that’s why she freaked?