Still has other girls nudes
My boyfriend and I have been dating for around a year. 3 months ago, he happened to mention that the “photo vault” he keeps all his pictures in has nudes of at least 4 of his exes, each with their own “album”. “But babe! Your album has the most pictures!” I don’t care. I told him I’m uncomfortable and he refuses to get rid of them. Any help?
randomchick1101: Get some random dick pics from the internet and tell him are your exes. See if he’s okay with that.
All joke aside, it’s pretty weird to keep nudes of your exes. I would be totally fine with pics of random girls from the internet, hell, we watch them together but exes is kinda fucked up.
scottroid: For him to have the photos? Probably not uncommon for guys these days. For him to mention it to you and think you’d be cool with it? Totally weird. If you ask him to delete them because you’re not comfortable with it, and he doesn’t – immediate red flag.
sangetencre: Pics of exes that showcase your past and things you did is one thing.
Nude pics of exes…that strikes me as a bit skeevy. Like, there’s a shitload of porn out there, wank material isn’t hard to come by. Why are you hanging on to these pictures in particular? Especially when it makes your partner uncomfortable? Also, do they know he kept the pics? Revenge porn is, sadly, a thing.
If it makes you uncomfortable and he wants to hang on to that particular wank material, you’re well within your right to tell him this relationship isn’t working for you.
biggiec23: Fuck that. The only nudes I have are of my girlfriend. He shouldn’t need those pictures.
keylimesky: My last ex did the same thing. I didn’t make a big deal out of it because I really didn’t think I cared, I still have a few random dick pics from past bf’s deep in my cloud photo storage. But I ended up breaking things off after a few months. Looking back the album was really strange and telling me about it was even weirder. I know he probably has a folder of me in there now
Wooogly: I would be uncomfortable with the same, and it would probably be a deal breaker for me if they made such an issue of not deleting them.
Each relationship is to its own, if you’re okay with it and he’d be fine with you having nudes of guys and looking at them then that’s fine. If you’re uncomfortable with it and he’s refusing to delete them, you’d be completely justified in breaking up with him (or never sending him nudes)
rainfal: I’d be afraid more afraid about what happens if you break up. He’s going to keep your nudes too.
Tyler77i: Uhh, break up with him?
Splinter1591: I still have all the dick pics ive ever been sent. I jjst throw them in a foldrr and forget they exist usually. I don’t like to delete things.
But I don’t look at them either.
LC_Tout: I’m sorry but no. Why would he mention it and then expect you to be ok with it? That kind of stuff is not just something you throw in a conversation. If you feel uncomfortable about it you are allowed to say it. It is not wrong and you are not crazy for thinking this. Some people may be fine, but you are not and just complying with his version when you still feel awkward is not going to help you trusting him in the future. Give it a bit of time and see if it still bothers you.
if it does then sit down with him and have a chat, calmy telling him that you would rather himself to get rid of the photos: if he has non sexual ones it’s fine to keep it, but at least the nudes/sexy pictures to be deleted.
Morallvar: Wow these responses are shocking.
No, it’s absolutely not okay. And I’m certain that these women would feel violated that he kept the photos as well. I assume my exes have deleted my nudes, but from the responses in this thread, it looks like I need to go and message them and make sure they have because common sense isn’t so common, apparently.
You have every right to be uoset.
To be completely honest, if I was dating a man that kept and refused to delete his exes nudes? Well, I wouldn’t be with such a “man”.
kitkat616: I had a boyfriend that told me him and his friend had an old laptop that they store all of these girls nude pics on. They still have it. At the time I was young and thought “oh whatever, these girls shouldn’t send pics”. Now I’m an adult and I realize sharing pics like that is definitely a form of sexual abuse.
tacolandia: I literally could not deal with this. He doesn’t own those girls.. What would the girls (or their spouses) think about this?
visionoflights: Or how about it is part of his memories!? No different than that G-rated photo album of when they went to Disney world or the Bahamas. Overall I think it is just insecure and a waste of time to worry about your s/o past when they are WITH you.
a_killa_kitty: My feelings would be hurt. Porn is different it’s not personal. A pic of his past affairs isn’t right. He always wants to remember suzie and how she gave the best bjs, or verionica and how perfect her boobs were. No, a secure women would not approve. Boundaries are sign of knowing self worth. Calling the poster insecure is “doormat” thinking.
Euhn: Hes just going to tell you he deleted them, and maybe he did. Who doesnt keep a vault of nudes without a backup tho?
pekes86: The replies here are concerning.
1. If you are uncomfortable with this, you have every right to set your own boundaries in YOUR relationship. It doesn’t matter what any other user here says about “my wife knows and it’s ok, my gf may have pictures too and I don’t care” – this is YOUR relationship, not theirs, and you set your limits.
2. When your boyfriend received these photos, they came with implied consent for him to own them, just as when he was dating them they would sleep together regularly. Now that they’re broken up, I’d be extremely surprised if all of these girls felt totally ok with him keeping their nudes – that implied consent has been implied-revoked by their break-up. Sure, you can argue that they “shouldn’t send nudes if they aren’t 100% sure they’re not comfortable with some guy keeping them forever,” but the reality is that someone who genuinely respects them and is over that relationship should delete them. Consent revoked. You no longer sleep together, you no longer receive nudes, you should no longer have nudes. Any half decent guy would understand this situation and delete the pictures and use regular porn of any girl he likes who is consenting to get off. So sure, apparently lots of people keep them and argue that it’s ok because “she shouldn’t have sent them in the first place if she didn’t want me whacking off to them har-har,” but those people aren’t ones that I’d want to date. Being numerous doesn’t make them right.
3. If your boundaries are set and he is more interested in keeping ex’s nudes than keeping you, you’ve got your answer. This shouldn’t be a huge deal – it’s a couple old photos of girls he isn’t supposed to be into anymore. Sometimes you just do things because your partner feels strongly about them, and even if you don’t understand it, your partner’s feelings are enough to make you comply. Obviously within reason – you can’t cave to every demand – but if your partner is generally a reasonable person that you love and they are super upset over something you think is “nothing,” then your pride is the only thing stopping you from being on the same team. You > his pride/nudes.
Good luck OP, hope you’re ok.
whiskey_pants: I’d get my own deleted FIRST. That is where my head would be. You should never hold onto something like that from the past. Someone shares something like that for a moment in time based on where you are then, not hoping you wank to it for the next decade and maybe I am paranoid, but I’d not trust him never to share it.
aleksandram29: He should definitely get rid of all his pictures because you’re aware of them and it’s hurtful. If he still refuses, that’s pretty shady and you still reconsider dating him. No guy who actually cares would want his girl to feel like she’s still competing with somebody from his past. He doesn’t have any valid reason for holding on to them other than for jerk off material, and that’s messed up.
USmileIClick: They are only pictures. He’s with you, what difference does it make if they are pictures of exes or just random people on the internet?
Dad365: Here is my thought.
Lets say he deletes them. Next day u break up with him. He is NOT going to be happy.
So for me. Im never deleting them … again.
I went down that road before. Now im keeping them forever. They are important to me.
greenbluepurple95: I kept one of my exs nudes bc I know he kept mine and it was my insurance policy that he wouldn’t post my nudes online. It was a very toxic relationship and ended bc of lack of trust and we actually discussed that I would be keeping his nudes bc he (in his own words) “had a habit of being petty and vengeful”
I would never post them but him knowing I have them is enough for him to not be a petty asshole
spicesleep: Definitely not ok. Let him know this really bothers you and Dont accept compromise.
He might not be actively using them but the fact they’re there despite making you uncomfortable is a problem
PoliticalTheater101: Maybe if you’re the spouse you have a say in the matter. As a girlfriend not so much. If you’re so controlling that this bothers you this much you might as well end it now, it’s only going to get worse for you.
AsksAStupidQuestion: You tryin to get him to shut down the spank bank?
eyeap: What I’m reading here is mostly women very angry about the thought that a dude would not delete their nudes at the end of the relationship, and many dudes who would never delete their ex’s nudes.
I got married before this became a thing so I really have no idea how this works in the real word, but it seems like if I were a woman, I would really have to make sure ahead of time that the guy agreed that when and if we broke up, he would delete them. However, it seems like no one ever talked about it ahead of time. The women here I think are angry because they’d like to pretend that sending nudes (which creates vulnerability) is always automatically done into a safe space.
There is no guarantee of this. You all really need to lay out the ground rules *before* sending nudes. No one seems to do this ahead of time. Even if you do procure agreement that the pics will be deleted the way you’d like, you are trusting the recipient to respect your wishes. So I’d make very sure that the recipient was a great, awesome, caring person. Or, make sure that I’d be ok with my nudes being looked at 34 years later.
WAIFU_ADDICTED_BOT: I do the same thing. For me, it’s a part of my life, a diary entry if you will. I don’t jerk off to them and I don’t share them. I’ve wiped that folder once when I felt extremely happy with my relationship.
I would advise against forcing your boyfriend to delete them. It may be a part of his “insurance policy.” He might delete the whole thing at one point in the relationship.
trakaill: I see why you’re mad but I won’t delete my exes nudies, my wife doesn’t know about them but I won’t get rid of them even if she did…
asmidd: accept his refusal and move on. it’s not like hes seeing someone else. he is not yours to own.
wl_star: What your really saying is you don’t like the fact he has fucked other girls and still thinks about them from time to time.
You have to address that feeling and get over it. Or not and let it destroy this relationship and all the ones after.