I’m (32M) just getting into sex and looking for casual sex, but all the women I’ve met want relationships.
I’m a 32 year old guy who only recently (within the last year) lost his virginity. I’ve been working out and look better than ever, I have my own place in a big city, and I’ve got a pretty high paying career. I finally decided that I need to pursue sex and make up for all the lost time so I’ve made dating profiles and started going out more to different clubs and meetups, looking only for casual stuff.
However, it seems as though everyone around me, man and women, are at a completely different stage of their lives. The women I’ve met and had interest in, both in real life and through Tinder or Okcupid, are looking for a steady relationship, and there’s nothing wrong with that but it’s completely the opposite of what I’m looking for. I don’t really want to settle down because I feel like I’ve been settling down for the past 32 years. I’ve been told (mostly by guy friends so this may have a bias) that the women I’m pursuing are looking for marriage in at least the next few years and kids soon after that (if they want them of course). And by “women I’m pursuing” I mean other 30-something year olds with careers and what not.
I could try adjusting my age range and I would have no problem with that, but I’ve always been told, by Reddit and my friends, that an older guy going for younger women was creepy because it seems like he is aiming low because he is too immature for women his age, which I guess is true for my case. Also, I’d rather not aim too low, like 20-22, just because of how different it seems I am to women these ages, however even with women 25 and up its mostly been relationship focused.
Is it even a good thing to have that feeling of making up for lost time? Should I just abandon that and try for a relationship? I just know that I’ll be insecure in a relationship because of how late I’ve started and how my partner will have all these experiences and I won’t. I want to go through those wild early twenties years, but obviously the problem is that I’m not in my early twenties.
TLDR – I am a late-to-the-game early thirties guy that can’t seem to find women interested in casual stuff.
concacanca: I think you will run into a bit of an issue here. If your looks were what we’re holding you back and you have now become the complete package then women will see you as relationship or marriage material.
Now you should probably look at women in the mid 20s who are into casual hookups. Tinder and bumble is a good place to start if you are very open about your intention up front.
Ultimately, as others have said, it might be more beneficial to have sex in a relationship as it’s more regular and less effort to attain but I definitely understand wanting to have your fun and feeling like you’ve missed out earlier in life. I’m sorta surprised that people aren’t giving you shit for your outlook here but if this is what you want, dont let them tell you are an asshole for it.
humbleclincher: Just want to address one point – not every woman around your age will be so experienced that you feel insecure.
I’m 28 and I’ve just entered my first serious relationship. I had a few sexual experiences before that, but not many. I am relatively inexperienced overall and my fella has had one girlfriend in the past. It depends on the women you meet because exploring sex with someone you love is so much better than any of the random hookups I had through my 20s.
Ak47trainwreck: I’m no expert, but your fooling around with no relationships time has pretty much passed. Women your age have done all that for the most part and are ready for relationships.
I’m sure there are still plenty of 30 something women out there looking for a quicky but a lot less then early to mid 20s
I could be wrong just my two cents.
azuredly: You want to experience as a guy at 32 what girls at 20 rejected you for.
throwawayyardkeeper: Try face party and plenty of fish, I rarely strike out with those sites. Not that I’m a hot stud. Never give into a relationship unless it’s wanted by both parties.
The problem with us over 30’s is most of the women our age have kids or if they don’t then they’ll have other factors to dissuade people they have no intention of having any sort of relationship with.
On a plus side, you’ve a career so stick to what you know. Over worked tired ‘executive’ looking fun weekends with similar age and income. Keep working on your profiles you will eventually hit a home run.
samicita: Where are you looking for women to sleep with?
shawn0811: For just casual sex…going down in age a few(not barely legal)years isn’t really that bad. Its more the guys who seek out relationships with women much younger than them and at different stages in life that is bad. Because those are the guys that want a woman to “train” and that they can get in their head easier because “they’ve been around longer so obviously they know how the world works”. Having a one nighter or even a very casual friend with benefits that is around I’d say 24 or 25 would be probably the cutoff IMO wouldn’t be that bad. Because it is almost purely physical at that point. You arent trying to run her life or groom her to bend to your will…you are just trying to get laid. And at that age they may still be younger than you… but typically they are in the real world themselves by then and have things somewhat figured out.