|(Coyote Ugly, 2000)|
②The Cooler (2003)
|The Cooler (2003)|
|The Cooler (2003)|
|The Cooler (2003)|
|The Cooler (2003)|
③The Sisters, 2005
|The Sisters (2005)|
|The Sisters (2005)|
④A History of Violence, 2005
|A History of Violence (2005)|
|A History of Violence (2005)|
|A History of Violence (2005)|
|A History of Violence (2005)|
⑤Downloading Nancy, 2008
|Downloading Nancy (2008)|
|Downloading Nancy (2008)|
|Downloading Nancy (2008)|
|Downloading Nancy (2008)|
|The Company Men (2010)|
|The Company Men (2010)|
I’ve been accused of racially objectifying my partner through sex
I’m a 25 year old white woman from the States. But I live in Germany. Been here three years and I love it. My partner is 24, German and mixed race (half black/half white – his father is Kenyan and his mother Russian but he was born and raised in Germany). We’ve been dating for just over a year. I love him to bits. No guy has ever made me laugh and given me the general joy he does.
On Saturday night, my girlfriends and I were having a few drinks at my place. One of my friends brought a couple of her cousins. When we began getting drunk, we started playing drinking games. One of those consisted of vividly recounting your last sexual encounter. Eventually it was my turn. So I went ahead. I told the girls of the last time my partner and I had sex.
In his room in his apartment, my partner has a big mirror. I find it incredibly erotic having sex and seeing our reflections as we do it. Just gets me going. I told the girls about the mirror, and how I really enjoy observing the skin contrast between us (my partner is caramel brown and I’m a pale ass redhead) and how I love running my hands through his afro when he takes me from behind.
The cousins of my girlfriend then said I was racially objectifying my partner through sex – that because of my comment, I don’t see him as a man in his complex entirety, but rather, merely a device of pleasure due to his racial background. Obviously I rejected such a notion, but they were adamant. It wasn’t a big deal but it kinda did sour the general mood of the get together.
I told my partner later about it and he laughed for like 5 minutes. He said he enjoys running his hands through my red hair when I go down on him, so does that also mean he is racially objectifying my whiteness? He said it’s nothing and added that being turned on by the physical features of a person is the very essence of sexuality. He told me to “ignore their stupidity” but I gotta admit it did kinda sting to be accused of that and it is something I have been thinking about.
Would appreciate your own takes on it. Thanks.
nextmanonthemoon: > He told me to “ignore their stupidity”
Listen to him.
Sex comes always with a portion of objectifying. The thing is, if you both are ok with it (and judging from his laughter he is too), where’s the problem?
70s_Burninator: Many people think that to be politically correct, you have to be colorblind. That’s silly. You appreciate the beauty of your partner. How could that be bad?
Would it be possible to objectify a partner for their race/racial features? Sure. Based on your description, that’s not remotely what’s going on. It sounds like a loving, healthy, passionate relationship. Your friends *may* have been well-meaning, but they are naive. Feel free to keep loving your wonderful-sounding partner in the way that feels right for you both.
barefootone: Giving you description of what happened, I can’t imagine how they came up with that. You weren’t talking about any man, you were talking about your partner. His hair, and the contrast between the two of you, not between two races. I think they are wrong and I think your description sounds intimate and loving and lustful, not objectifying.
pixiegod: Listen to your bf. What you described is not objectifying anything. I have appreciated the racial similarities and differences of every single one of my partners…your friends viewpoint is not what I would consider as anything close to truth. This being said, it might be a German paradigm to not discuss racial differences…considering their history, they might be more sensitive to focusing on racial differences more than Americans.
That is just a guess though…a random guess.
EntropyIsInevitable: If you enjoy sex with him and enjoy his dick, are you objectifying his gender through sex and reducing his whole being to just his dick?
Tell them to go objectify themselves.
Whatchamathing: Yeahhh they took 2 and 2 and came up with 7.
Now if you’d had a whole string of exclusively black or mixed race boyfriends, or were ascribing him specific race-stereotype characteristics, I could see where they were coming from. But you were just describing the things you find hot about your specific partner
TizardPaperclip: You only mentioned the color of his skin, not his race. You could have said the same thing about a Samoan guy, or a white guy wearing dark body paint.
Your friends jumped to a conclusion with no real evidence.
katz332: As a black woman dating a white man, here are my 2 cents:
I dont believe you are using his race as some sort of fetish. You werent turned on by the black stereotypes surrounding your partner. Just by his hair. My man likes playing with my hair when its in a fro, straight, braids, weave, etc. Just because he likes it, not because im black. You can like physical features and it have nothing to do with race. Ignore the bs. Your man is right. There are tons of racial battles to be fought. This is not one of them
justanotherstr4nger: I agree with your partner. I see nothing wrong at what you said.
midipoet: > and how I love running my hands through his afro when he takes me from behind.
How is this possible?
kanewinter: Some white women don’t get the difference between me being black an them wanting to suck my dick vs wanting to suck black dick. I don’t want to find out after sex that I was just the latter. If you’re sure you see him as a man and not as a type you’re fine.
reneex: Let me guess, the people who told you that are the type always trying too hard to be politically correct to compensate for being white or whatever. As a Latina, I love seeing the contrast between me and my super pale boyfriend lol. Is it racial objectification if I’m doing it to a white person? I doubt they’d see it that way. Double standards.
a_sidd: Yep ignore their stupidity!
MasterbatoryExplorer: Your friends need to see a proctologist.
dmun: Your friends are putting ill intent on you.
The problem they describe is a real one but admiring your partner’s skin tone, admiring *the physical aspect* of your partner, isn’t the same as wanting your partner for his race. *That’s* objectification: seeing his blackness as a turn on, in and of itself, and not as an aspect of the complex human being that you care about.
Some people don’t know how to grapple with the subtle. In my experience, Europeans a different conception of most racial politics than Americans– not that Americans are any good at it either.
ButDidYouCry: I’m black biracial. Your friends sound way too sensitive. Some people do like the color contrast thing, it’s not new and I don’t think you sound objectifying for enjoying his complexion. Your his girlfriend, I hope you would. As long as you aren’t trying to get him to play some dejango fantasy, I don’t see the problem at all.
BasedSliceOfWinning: Your friend’s cousins are stupid. Tell your friend, and the cousins of you wish. Tell them your boyfriend thinks they’re idiots too.
Apologize for nothing.
paternoster: Your friends are bordering on pearl clutching. I wouldn’t worry about their thoughts on the issue. Sounds like they need to mature a tiny bit.
jesschillin: Listen to what your boyfriend said.
kontributor: “I told my partner later about it and he laughed for like 5 minutes.”
This is a good guy.
If you make each other feel good — in all ways — close the book in which you record any fucks about what other people think of your relationship. Enjoy. Sounds like you’re both delighting in each other. That’s all the analysis you need.
hipnotyq: >The cousins of my girlfriend then said I was racially objectifying my partner through sex – that because of my comment, I don’t see him as a man in his complex entirety, but rather, merely a device of pleasure due to his racial background. Obviously I rejected such a notion, but they were adamant. It wasn’t a big deal but it kinda did sour the general mood of the get together.
Sounds like someone is trying to play the moral highground game. Lots of people play this game these days, instead of actually having a thought-provoking conversation where both parties can learn, one person completely shuts themselves off to being wrong and spends the duration of the interaction trying to make themselves morally superior by using you as a morally-inferior stepping stone. Same thing happens when I try to talk about transgender stuff with certain people. It’s too bad we can’t have actual discussions anymore and we just take turns talking at each other.
Djentlos: You’re fine, people are overly sensitive.
Kit4000: I agree with your boyfriend. As a person of color I appreciate that your friends are attempting to be racially sensitive but are making a bigger deal of this than it is. Saying you enjoy your contrasting skin tones is just saying you fi d your differences beautiful it just happens that he is brown.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
-Desire-e-: Get new friends.
truthisiamhiding: I observe the color differences between my partner and I all the time when we touch. I never felt like it was racially objectifying him, though. I never gave this much thought at all since to me skin color doesn’t really make a race per se. We all have varying degrees of melanin… I happen to have nearly none.
But, I am glad I’m not the only one that found a sort of hotness in that observationof contrasting skin colors. It seems like they are making a big deal about something that isn’t a big deal.
pilaretcetera: Are your friends uncomfortable with interracial dating? Are you the only one in an interracial relationship? Sounds like they’re the ones who are uncomfortable with race and dating, not you.
HoldEmToTheirWord: Did you tell them to fuck off? Because that was the only suitable reply.
DualisticSilver: People are never happy. Either you don’t objectify him in the bedroom and you should because it’s like you don’t want him; or your a racist.
You like what you like, own it I say. If you don’t want to date white people, fine. There’s a difference between treating someone like less of a person because of their race and fancying someone.
MotherOfKrakens95: So what youre saying is that they had a problem with you thinking his good skin and nice hair is sexy? What, are you only supposed to date within your race, or risk noticing OBVIOUS differences between you and your partner? That’s all it takes to make you racist? Pffft these guys were fools, and besides your relationship is *not* a group project. You have no room for their silly opinions- that space is already filled with love and understanding between you and your SO. His opinion is the only one that matters here besides your own.
jnofx: The fact that you can be honest and acknowledge the differences between you guys, and say words like ‘afro’ instead of hair means that a) you’re not pretending that there’s no difference in humans, b) you ARE, in fact, seeing him for who he is as an individual, because our race and our heritage are a part of our individuality, and c) you and your guy really have a fighting chance if you can laugh off a potentially uncomfortable conversation. It’s ok to be attracted to physical traits, and the fact that a lot of them go hand-in-hand with race is just kind of how the world works. As far as ‘objectification’, whats wrong with a little bit of that in the heat of the moment? I wish I could get objectified as an entity that exists solely for my ladies pleasure a little more often. That would actually boost my self esteem quite a bit I think
I kind of think that your friends getting hung up on that part of the story makes them sound like they only see the black dude that you’re banging, instead of ‘your boyfriend kevin’ or whatever.
Take this with a grain of salt, I’m a white guy so apparently I don’t have valid opinions on this sort of thing these days. Y’all just be good to each other
ElbowStrike: This is just one example of how political correctness inevitably becomes toxic when it moves from abstract theories in academia to being applied to flesh and blood human beings.
TheLittleGoodWolf: >The cousins of my girlfriend then said I was racially objectifying my partner through sex – that because of my comment, I don’t see him as a man in his complex entirety, but rather, merely a device of pleasure due to his racial background.
I wonder if it’s jealousy? Or maybe their reactions say more about them than they do about you.
Why would you not enjoy your partners body during sex? We can pretend as much as we want but we are still physical beings and sex is still a physical act, so why the hell shouldn’t we enjoy the physical aspects of that act?
Now I’m not saying that the mind plays no part in lovemaking but in the throes of passion I’m not exactly focusing on my partners “complex entirety” unless you can turn that into a euphemism somehow. It’s like if your partner is helping you with something like fixing your car, you are not very likely to be focusing on the fact that they are such a good chef at that moment, or their taste in art, or pretty much anything else that’s irrelevant to them helping you fix your car.
maracay1999: I may be stereotyping here, but a lot of millennial Germans are super “woke” and super politically correct, and it comes off in strange ways…. It’s as if colorblindness/not acknowledging racial/cultural differences means “not racist”….
I’ve been told by a white German that saying ‘black’ instead of African is racist/offensive in Germany, while in the US, that’s just a basic descriptor (“that black guy” or “Black Americans”).
Considering your bf laughed it off, I wouldn’t worry about it whatsoever.
Caesar100: How do you manage to run your hands through his afro when he takes you from behind? Other than that…if you are happy, who cares what anyone else thinks?
Ltsmeet: Question: How can you run your hands through his afro when he takes you from behind?
Fopenplop: it’s a fraught topic, and if he himself had raised this concern it would be important,
but lmao where the fuck does this person get off nosing into your sex life like that and saying she doesn’t like how the furniture is arranged?
poemsandpandas: Sorry but your friends are fucking ridiculous.
It actually made me angry just reading that. I AM MIXED-RACE AND I FIND NOTHING OFFENSIVE ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID. If anything, I find what they said offensive. It was not only condescending and fucking stupid, but it made absolutely no sense.
People nowadays are constantly looking to accuse someone or something of being racist, sexism, ableist, ‘fat phobic’, homophobic etc. Ironically, this wide-spreading victim mentality is causing us to be more bigoted, and stifles freedom of speech, inquisitiveness and singularity of mind. Ignore your friends. THEY are the ignorant ones, not you and not your boyfriend.
I hope you don’t let their words get to you. I wish you every happiness in your relationship. Keep being turned on by his caramel brown skin!
shesanecho: Interesting, My father is white and my mother is Afro Guyanese.
I’m mixed obviously.
I actually dumped a guy I was sleeping with because he said “your light caramel skin makes me cum faster.”
I found it quite creepy. In fact, most of the guys I sleep with always act like they’ve never fucked or seen a mixed girl.
All I’m saying if you’ve never said anything along those lines and not actively seeking a specific races to try because of “stereotypes”. You’re fine.
mozartbond: I’m Italian, living in Scandinavia. Some people here really care about political correctness and I’ve been asked “don’t you feel objectified when someone is turned on by the fact that you are italian?” and I say hell no I actually enjoy it! Dark eyes are a rare thing here and I guess it’s normal for some people to be attracted by this, why should we worry so much about what people feel as attractive?
DirtyDumbAngelBoy: That’s why she doesn’t get laid and has to hang with her cousins instead of getting her own friends.
Lilkko: Your friends cousins are retarded. Lol.
fatfrost: They are wrong and it was shitty thing for them to say to you even if they felt that way. Fuck em.
NoNoItsTotallyNormal: First of all, this isn’t objectification. Objectification isn’t about the attributes you praise, it’s about the attributes you diminish. When you fail to consider somebody as a feeling, thinking equal, that’s when you are objectifying them. It’s not objectifying a black person to admire their skin, a tall person to admire their height or a person with a deep voice to tune into their voice. It’s not objectifying a person with boobs to touch and kiss their boobs. It’s not objectifying a person with a penis to give them a blowjob. It’s only objectifying them when the extent to which you do that prevents you from acknowledging them as whole people with their own needs.
Second of all, even if it were objectification, that’s not inherently bad. When two people consent to something in the bedroom that’s not appropriate in daily life and when they can effectively compartmentalize that experience from the norms of their behavior, it’s harmless, victimless and can ultimately be the path that’s most empowering and satisfying to all involved parties. It’s no different than how a couple can consent to BDSM whipping in the bedroom, while not letting it turn into physical abuse outside of the bedroom. Personally, there are various ways that I’d like to be objectified in the bedroom and I think that can safely be compartmentalized from being objectified in the real world or seeing those actions during sex as valid to do in other situations.
rawbface: Your partner is right, and he sounds like an awesome dude. Those cousins are either projecting or have a chip on their shoulder themselves.
DaenaTargaryen3: *OHHHHHHH MYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD*
I swear. We can’t enjoy anything nowadays without someone (usually an outsider) judging.
Listen to your partner.
GhostriderFlyBy: I’m very tan and white and my girlfriend is very fair skinned and also white. She loves the contrast in our skin tone. What you’re describing is sexual dimorphism – you’re simply attracted to the differences between yourself and your partner. It sounds like your friend’s cousin’s perspective is so heavily steeped in racial injustice or social issues that she’s unable to view her world without that lens. I think that’s becoming increasingly common but certainly isn’t grounded in the complexities of day-to-day life. Sexual dimorphism is not incompatible with equality.
kowaikawaii: People try to hard to take away pleasure and enjoyment from white people. It’s disgusting.
bossoline: You know how a little kid learns a new word and they’re anxious to use it a lot to show how smart they are, but they don’t really understand it and don’t use it correctly? That’s what your friends sound like. It’s like they’re trying so hard to be on the right side of the PC argument that they’re throwing accusations around that they don’t really understand.
I’m a black man married to a pale, white woman who is turned on by many of my “black” features and I can tell you that they’re unequivocally wrong here.
Buckeye_45: My wife and I are both white but as with any human being, we have completely different complexions. My family background causes me to be naturally darker and tan extremely easily while she is much paler and tends to burn not tan. I also love seeing the difference in our skin tones when we are intimate. It’s a visual stimulus and there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying it.
hallowedslayer: Everyone has told you the same thing already, but I’d like to throw in my cent. Don’t let this person’s foolish accusation get to you. Judging by her actions she may be envious. Not to mention that you two seem like a brilliant and lovely couple. Watch out for those who may want to tear you down and apart.
JaNOMaly: It’s pretty moronic and at the end of the day you’re having good sex so fuck their opinion. Is objectification really wrong within consensual sex? I don’t think so, I believe it’s quite necessary for the entire act to ever take place.
SavageOF: those people are just as fucking retarded as that asian bullying that high school girl on twitter. those people shouldnt be allowed to talk by law honestly.
RudolphMorphi: I think your friends are being idiotic.
vpaquino: Your Boyfriend is right, ignore them
zesstea: Let me guess, were all these people white?
White people love to project their own white guilt into everything. You talking about your experience probably conjured up all their memories of watching big black cock porn and made them feel like telling you how racist you are so they could feel more pious.
I’m in a similar situation: white with a mixed partner. We will both occasionally comment on each others’ physical differences if the thought occurs to us and there’s no difference when we’re talking about our height difference or our skin/hair differences. The only opinion that counts is your boyfriend’s, and it sounds like he had a genuine laughter response and thinks it’s ridiculous (same as I’m sure my partner would feel), so that’s what matters 🙂
butteredfriedchicken: they’re from a different culture as well. you’re American and color is mentioned like a spade is a spade here. I am in Canada and people are uncomfortable referring or mentioning race by color. Like saying “he’s a black male” or “whiteness” are words not popularly used here. I can’t imagine how weird it was for them to hear you describe your partner through colorized terms.
Also they prob have confirmation bias, cause your’e American. Europeans are judgmental i find. they get annoyed when you make small talk with them.
GinchAnon: thats ridiculous.
why do people have to invent shit to be mad at?
you weren’t doing anything wrong. maybe work on hanging out with less weird, borderline bigoted people?
AnnihilatedTyro: Admiring a partner’s physical traits is not even in the same league as objectifying. I’m sure there are plenty of people who blur the lines between the two, but that doesn’t appear to be the case with you and your partner. Now, if you could *only* get off to dark-skinned guys with afros, you could argue that it’s a racial fetish, which is still not racist or objectification if it’s with a loving partner in a healthy relationship.
Your friend is taking ‘political correctness’ and racial sensitivity to absurd levels. No one should be made to feel ashamed of who or what they find attractive.
VisaEchoed: My take:
* Your boyfriend is awesome.
* Your cousins are (probably) well intentioned, but completely wrong.
redekker: Social justice is cancer. Here’s an innocent woman coming to the internet to ask if she’s doing something wrong by enjoying something.
The kind of mindset you have to have to attempt to bring someone down out of this woman’s experience… Mind blowing.
CrochetAndKittens: What I read was you recounting the sensual beauty of your partner, relishing the feel of him and the contrasts you draw. I thought it was beautiful. Your partner obviously does not feel objectified and that’s all the justification you need. You sound like a beautiful couple, may you continue to relish the beauty of your man.
CeramicBlueprint: > merely a device of pleasure due to his racial background
Lol. Device of Pleasure would be a great band name.
The only person you need to worry about objectifying is your boyfriend. If he’s okay with it then you’ve got your answer.
The reality about objectifying is that the line is drawn by the other person. Some people get off on race play, other people hate even oblique references to their race. With enough cynicism you can make anything about attraction objectifying, and interpret any course of action as being offensive. You’re a good person OP.
TheFakeG: As they said ignore their stupidity. My girlfriend finds black people sexy. i tell her ther is nothing wrong with it at all and she isn’t objectifying me by finding my skin color sexy. Enjoy it its not a problem
tra-sneeze-artist: I find speaking on behalf of other races (or others) unfair when he can speak for himself (not that I know what race the women are, or if that matters). There are times when we need to support minorities and give them a voice but it doesn’t make sense for the girls to tell you how he feels.
iambavus: Yo in Hispanic with some white tossed in there but I find it very hot to see the skin differences when I have sex with a women who is lighter then my brown/olive skin tone I love it
NotJustAnyFig: Ignore them!
I’m the brown person in my relationship and my boyfriend is of german decent. We both absolutely adore our skin contrast.
Its not because hes white
Its not because im brown.
Its because we like how they look together.
Plus what you do in your bedroom is your prerogative and as long as no one involved is hurting, your friends should just keep their opinions to themselves.
Anotherside714: If it doesn’t offend him, that’s all that matters. Different strokes. Do what works for you guys.
0HI0I: Yeah, he is right.
I have thought a lot about whether a sexual preference can be considered racist. I have concluded that no, in most cases, it cannot.
The cousins of your friend seem to be projecting some sort of victimization onto your situation, which, having discussed this with your partner, can literally be disregarded entirely.
naked_avenger: Sounds like the cousin is well read on the matter, but lacks the ability to understand context and social interaction. It’s an absurd take on their part.
untouchable_0: You should have told them to apologize or leave. I don’t think you did anything wrong. Just stupid people with opinions.
lBbekahl: No, it means you two are in love and find your differences attractive. And you appreciate each others’ bodies and how they’re different and express that appreciation/love through sex. Like normal people.
BloodBurningMoon: >He said it’s nothing and added that being turned on by the physical features of a person is the very essence of sexuality.
He’s your boyfriend. Unless either/both of your were asexual, then he couldn’t be more right. Obviously you like how he looks.
DarthSpinster: Listen to your bf, your friends are stupid. They are taking one moment, one aspect of your relationship, and assuming that’s all there is. They know nothing of your intimate conversations, what you admire about each other, the fun things you do together and share together. Sex is wonderful and we all get lost in the moment and let our carnal side flare up. You have nothing to think about, but I’d pity your poor friends for having such a incorrect view on things.
nudist_priest: Lol they’re jealous.
ra246: yeah fuck that bitch off 😀
RexUniversum: Your friends are way off base. You partner happens to have contrasting hues and textures. These things don’t define him, you, your sex, or your relationship. All that should matter is that your goals align, and they do, so don’t fret.
kdr1109: You have a very level minded partner and your friends seem to be a little bit behind. Hopefully their comments stem from sheer ignorance and with the right approach they can change their minds, but ultimately that’s on them. Nothing you did was wrong, and from what I can tell you seem like a well spoken person who knows what they like. More power to both you and your man!
Volsung_Odinsbreed: I’ll be to the point : your friend is an idiot. Ignore her.
muchachomalo: No you aren’t “racially objectifying” anybody. It is perfectly acceptable to have physical feature preferences that coincide “racial” features. I personally have a preference for tan women with straight black hair so pretty much Asian, Latina, and middle Eastern I’m none of those races. Does that mean I racially objectify my partner no.
I could see them saying that if you guys were into some weird racist roll play shit. If you felt you were fufilling some kind of forbidden love kink. You mentioned none of that so you are good.
Code3LI: You’ve been answered plenty enough to cover the fundamentals, but how anyone could say (the cousin[s]) that you’re objectifying him based on your attraction to him due to his skin color is moronic. That’s like saying I am objectifying my wife on a racial level because I like her brown hair and how it compliments her skin complexion. We all have traits we dislike and like about our partners, whether it be a hook up or a long term relationship or marriage.
People just like to be offended, cause waves/drama, and make others feel bad for what is natural. I’m glad your boyfriend voiced his justifiable opinion. Listen to him.
Sabuleon: Oversimplified, but I find this useful to explain to others:
Objectification has the word “object” in it. So are you ignoring his feelings, his pleasure, his physical comfort and are you somehow discarding the fact that he’s a complete person and not a sextoy when you guys have sex, for whatever reasons such as the sake of his skin color and hair texture?
I bet **not**.
So no, you *aren’t* treating him like an object.
Your friends need to chill, maybe they need a reminder of what *treating someone like an object to use* really means.
danchiri: I’m more interested in how you are able to run your hands through his afro while he is hitting it from the back. Seems kind of impossible, unless there is something I am missing.
TheMindFister: Yeah its not a big deal to focus on physical aspects of your partner, I’m a white guy (not pale redhead white, but whatever) and I’ve dated several Black Women over the years, and yes, the contrasts in our skin tones during intimacy added to the experience, it’s not racist to think that. Now if I’d only seen her as a living blow up doll whose sole purpose was to fulfill a chocolate fetish then I could see it, but they were partners, we laughed, went on dates, had loads of fun outside the bedroom. People like your friends at the party are projectors, they are projecting themselves on to you. You were just a mirror to them.
ccualumni: Give me a break. You love him for who he is
chipmunksocute: Isn’t objectifying in general part of the fun of sex, that you can do it AND it’s consensual? I sure think so. I enjoy calling my partners nasty names and enjoy it when they get off on it and I’m definitely objectifying them when I call them a “dirty slut” and they say it back to me.
Photmagex: It sounds like your friends are bored with their own lives and trying to dream up things to be offended by.
Zwilson50: Zero f@#ks should be given. You don’t know these people. You may not want to socialize with them again after this.
They are static in this giant reality, TV show. You do you
Dire87: Your partner is right. We love what turns us on. Nothing problematic there, unless you can’t physically be with a man who does not meet your preferences (say, you only want to date black guys, because all white guys are ugly to you, that would be a cause for concern imho).
I just want to add to that that I hope you’ve told your partner that you “girls” have these talks, because to me talking about your partner in that way to other people might be demeaning, unless he’s okay with it (which it sounds he is, I just felt the need to add that).
iYeaMikeDave: Stfu. Your friends high key want that genuine happiness you have with your SO. I’m caramel and my partner is black as can be but she has the same thing. I asked her the other night why she looks at me as I’m in missionary thrusting. I don’t have a mirror in my place. But she says she likes the contrast of the skin tone of her lips engulfing my caramel member lol. I laughed so hard but it was funny and I didn’t see myself being objectified or seen as some sort of fetish. I think they blew that out of proportion entirely. If they saw it that way, maybe something wrong with them…
Stardweller: Hatin’ ass bitches…
Linubidix: Your partner gave you the advice everyone in this thread will.
Ignore it. If you’re both happy and open with each other then what the fuck business is it of anyone else?
tehfly: We should be able to talk about skin colour just the way we talk about other body parts. Some people like long hair, others like freckles. I hear some people like calves or forearms.
Why would skin colour be any different?
oneoneoneoneoneoneo: I don’t get this whole “objectifying” thing when it comes to your consenting sexual partner. My wife and I objectify the shit out of each other because we’re attracted to each other – and that includes skin tone, hair, boob/ass/legs/genitals/etc. We wear revealing and provocative clothing when we’re home alone and “in” for the night so we can objectify each other even more intensely.
Those girls are a perfect case of the bored “housewife” or “mommyblgger” type (even if they’re single but still don’t work and just spend all day online waiting for a community to welcome them and tell them what they should be mad about) who don’t have enough real life experience to think for themselves so they latch onto blogs and facebook memes as their source for how society thinks.
alfredo094: “Objectification” being wrong is just a meme. I put quotation marks because what people usually mean by “objectification” is “enjoying someone”.
There’s no way to enjoy someone without making them an “object” from this perspective. There’s nothing wrong with sex and using someone for pleasure; we’re constantly using people around us for our own good. What is important is that you don’t take advantage of the other person and that you never forget that you’re dealing with a person.
imposta: >He said it’s nothing and added that being turned on by the physical features of a person is the very essence of sexuality.
It sounds like you have a mature and understanding partner. Don’t let other people make you feel bad about what seems to me to be a healthy relationship.
WillDonJay: > ob·jec·ti·fy – verb 1. degrade to the status of a mere object.
You were doing that no more than he was appreciating the color of your hair, or a man might appreciate the smoothness and shape of his lover’s breasts.
Turtle_Sensei: Listen to him. If he doesn’t feel that you’re objectifying him, then you’re not.
wickedogg: Your boyfriend sounds awesome, and your friends sound like shitty people trying to fuck up your life. #FAKEWOKE
rjtherj: Die haben leicht überreagiert würde ich sagen..
Hätte dein Freund eine lange Nase die du sexuell anregend finden würdest, hätten sie auch nicht gesagt, dass du ihn auf seine Nase reduzierst^^
Mestre08: Honostly, get new friends. Those people are shit and shouldn’t get to call you friend.
BeckyDaTechie: Ignore their stupidity. Once you talked to him about it, you did due diligence about your relationship, which your friends aren’t in and can’t fully understand.
This “every detail of your last fuck” game, on the other hand, seems more problematic and disrespectful to a partner to me, honestly.
Hustle-to-Win: Wow, they seem like total bitches. Fuck em, you don’t need to justify yourself to them. Germans have a natural sensitivity to this kind of stuff because THEY were responsible for the worst racial genocide in human history
Perceptual_Existence: I’m assuming these cousins have never met your partner, and never seen you interact with him, correct?
That makes it very easy for them to see him as an object, given that the story in question likely did not reveal much (if anything) about his personality or how the two of you get along with each other outside the bedroom.
The problem as I see it is that they don’t know him in a non-objective way, so they assume that you don’t either.
What you can do about it: hang out with them and him at the same time, show them how well you get along and ensure them that there is balance in the relationship.
WoeHossette: Your partner has a good head on his shoulders, listen to him. There’s nothing wrong with being sexually turned on by your partner’s physical features, you’re supposed to be.
It’s only if you exclusively date a specific race – whether it’s your own or a different one – that you’re racially objectifying people through sex. It sounds to me like their own white guilt talking than anything you did.
Enjoy your partner and your relationship, it sounds like you have a good one.
SingleMaltLife: So let me sort this out. Some people who you don’t know very well judged you based on one sexual story you told after a few drinks. Was this the live version of reddit?
Your BF and your actual friends told you not to worry. Those cousins can sod off with their SJW ideas that even mentioning your boyfriends character is racially objectifying him. The only way I could possibly agree with them is if every time you talk about your bf you have to mentioned he is black in a really awkward way. And you seemed to just be enjoying him for who he is.
hot4you11: I don’t think you are racially objectifying him. I think people just generally like to see and feel the people they love.
PM_ME_YOUR_UNDERBUN: Sounds like your friend is probably a little jealous of your relationship and wants to find a way to feel superior to you.
DizzlesNLD: Have had the same thing but im white gf black.
People just want something to bitch about i got confronted several times by black dudes claiming i was stealing their women.
Just ignore dumbasses.
YeahOKWhateverDude: I am white and my partner is black. Dark black, and I like the contrast as well.
You see… when you honestly love someone for who they are, and honest to God don’t care prejudge someone by skin color, then a magic thing happens.
You can talk about skin colors and not have hangups. You can speak about how dark his (or in my case her) skin color is and it has NOTHING to do with race. Its the physical contrast or physical color and…that’s it. We speak about how our daughter is very light skinned and how we were shocked by how light she is… but that has nothing to do with race, prejudice or anything.
I believe it is them that have hangups and are uncomfortable talking about it out of fear someone might view them as racist if they didn’t “preempt” the accusation first by making the statements they did.
whatwhatwhodat: > ignore their stupidity
Exactly… Is he offended? Did you do it with the conscious intent to objectify him? If the answer is No, then fuck them.
There are too many people in the world that spend their entire life just looking for an excuse to yell racist, sexist, etc. The fact that their bullshit has even got you questioning yourself shows that you are a caring aware person. Live your life.
MammalFish: Objectification involves dehumanization. Appreciation is exactly the same thing, without dehumanization.
You’re not objectifying him. You’re appreciating his beauty. And those chicks are fuckin’ ridiculous.
literanch: sounds like your cousins try way too hard to be offended by everything. they sound like a lot of fun. /s
QuesaritoOutOfBed: Ignore them. A huge part of sex is the visual element of it, what excites some people to see might do the exact opposite for others. Sure if you were only dating him because of his skin color there might be some basis for what they said, but as it is they are being overly everything and you are in the clear.
EvidencePlz: The fact is everything is an object, including human beings, in the universe and beyond.
no-mad: People say mean things when they are jelly.
CoffeeInMyHand: Those girls are immature and inexperienced in life. Fuck em, you do you…and him.