Certain sex acts now off the table
Wondering if others are or have dealt with this:
My gf(21) and I(M25) have been together for 3 1/2 years and our sex life has always been pretty great. Recently though, I’ve started to notice that things that used to be quite common (and I enjoyed) no longer occur.
Things such as blowjobs during ovulation, hand stuff during couch time (both ways), finishing in her mouth, finishing anywhere other than her stomach, anal play, or intercourse in places other than our bed are all seemingly off the table. If I ask for these things, I get an eyeroll or “The more you ask, the less I want to do it” (I ask maybe once a week)
We still have sex about once a week, but it now usually goes like this:
– I rub her or lick her to orgasm
– She or I will get on top
– More banging
– Finish on her stomach by request
I’m starting to go back and forth between felling resentful or sad that this might mean that I’m not as attractive to her anymore ( I’ve expressed this to her; she denied it). I love her a billion and I don’t like feeling either of those things.
Have any of you dealt with something like this before? How did you handle it?
For people on the other end, why did you no longer want to do the sex acts that used to be a regular thing?
Fey456: I’d guess that they are things she never really liked in the first place but was willing to try. The only way to know for certain though is to ask. Dont ask for them in the middle of sex. Sit down outside of sex and tell her that youve noticed she doesn’t seem to like xyz anymore and you’re wondering what her thoughts are – not because you want to make her do anything she doesn’t want to do – but because the decline of these things without explanation has made you feel like she doesn’t find you attractive.
Now also, before you have this talk, figure out what you want from it. Are there any acts that you actually really miss and you specifically want to incorporate those again if possible? Or is it more that youre looking for an indication and expression on her part that she cares about your pleasure so you’d like her to do something to show that, but you’re not picky about the specifics? Or do you just want an explanation, etc.
livelotus: To put it simply, foreplay for women happens outside the bedroom. Take some stress off her shoulders by taking care of household cleaning type things and learn to date her again. Do all of this without expectation of getting what you want (many guys will do the dishes once and expect things to suddenly change) Love on her without sex being involved. The little things matter the most. Then wait for her sex drive to rebound back. It usually happens.
InfoFreako: Be grateful. My (ex-) wife waited until our wedding night to inform me that she never liked blowjobs and would not be doing that again. She doesn’t want to do these things, and if thats not acceptable then end it now. Also “the more you ask, the less I want to do it” is a huge red flag. You and your SO both should want to do things for each other.
chaosany_1: It happens people get comfortable with each other relationships slow down stuff that use to be a normal feature drop off sound familiar you may not know it but you have done it too it’s ok it’s normal sit her down sometime tell her one thing she has stopped doing for you when she rolls her eyes ask her what is it I use to do for you I don’t anymore you miss go back and forth like that you will be shocked at her answers as to what I did to get better fulfillment from my relationship I told my now wife then gf of 5+years I’m bisexual that was a long quite week a question here and there was about it I don’t know how she came to terms with it but she did and things have been better since between us she loves watching my self and another guy have a go with each other but I doubt that would work for you and that’s kinda my point you know your relationship better than anyone here you have to find your own way if this helps at all great if not you got what you paid for just remind her you love her and miss some of what she use to do let her know nobody ever did it better
FoxFireUnlimited: Sorry to say this but if she actually phrased things that way and is rolling her eyes then she’s already ended the relationship in her mind.
Not saying it’s 100% guaranteed over but it’s generally beyond the point of no return when it’s reached the point of eye rolling.
da_video_live: It may be a stupid question but, have you tried talking to her about this and express your feelings about this?
knowitallz: Tell her you want to talk about it. Find out what happened…. Why is she seemingly over the sex with you?
Without knowing what’s up you can’t work on it
That sounds like marriage…