I used to think foreplay was simple. Turns out, I (20M) am just bad at it! Guys/Gals, advice on how to take my game up a notch?
Hey guys. I’m not too experienced with sex, (in my first relationship right now with my girlfriend(19F) and been having sex for 6 months or so), and I’m realizing that one aspect I really fall flat in is foreplay! I definitely don’t do it for long enough, I feel awkward doing it, and I really just don’t know what works all that well. Sure, I can get her turned on, but I’d like to perform really REALLYYY good foreplay. Like, begging for the main event to start kind of foreplay. Like, gushing wet kind of foreplay. The kind of foreplay that makes the sex or oral that comes after that much more amazing. I really am eager to please and I’m willing to take as long as needed to give her a super awesome experience.
I do a lot of body kissing, touching, feeling, etc. I tease and even occasionally nip a little bit. I move up and down her whole body and try to be slow and gentle and intensify over time and touch every part of her. But I just feel awkward doing it and I feel like I’ve sort of fallen into a rhythm where what I’m doing doesn’t have any deliberate goal! I’m just flying blind.
With all that being said, do any men or ladies have advice or experiences they’d like to share regarding really good foreplay?
pure_cane_sugar: Keep your nails trim. Don’t rub her clit like you are trying to get bird shit off your windshield. Pay attention to how she responds.
Darling_Tator_Tot: What you could try doing is prolonged foreplay, spend the whole day touching her lightly, sending her lewd texts, (not dick pics but descriptions of how you imagine touching her, etc) make sure she’s really turned on all day, then when the main event comes around she’s incredibly wet. Then proceed with normal foreplay
mephistocelestial: It’s not about you, it’s about her.
The fact that you want to be good at this already puts you in a separate group. A lot of people (read: most people) don’t realize that they are not that good at sex. Almost half of the population don’t realize that they are below average in this area.
You fantasize that you girlfriend likes your foreplay so much that she has a wild orgasm, begs for your cock, and such. It’s a fine thing. She probably likes what you’re doing already. Maybe you’ll be her best lover when it’s all said and done. But, also, maybe she’s not the kind of person who begs for cock. Maybe she physically cannot be gushing wet.
Don’t put pressure on yourself. Don’t put pressure on your girlfriend. Sometimes, it’s fine to just take your pleasure. Sometimes, it’s fine to not get any but only give everything for hers. Sometimes you’ll both get what you want – what you need – and you’ll feel those times as special, connected, blessed. Blessed in the NIN Closer sense.
If you feel awkward, she’ll feel awkward. If she feels awkward, you’ll feel awkward too. Maybe it’s what’s happening. Maybe not. It’s not that important. What’s important is to drop this performance thing, and just enjoy the moment.
Have you ever edged while masturbating? Try edging your girlfriend. Wait, you’re unsure if you could do that? There’s only one way to get there: explore her body. Try to please her until she’s almost there. Slow down, but not too much. See how long you can keep her on the edge. Keep yourself on the edge, too. There’s no reason not to enjoy this. In fact, not enjoying this might just have the worst effect on the whole thing.
Enjoy your body, as much as you enjoy hers.
Foreplay is not about the foreplay. It’s not about the dirty words or though or whatever. It’s about her, and you. About knowing her body as well as you know yours, and using this knowledge to enjoy her.
And let her enjoy you.
(also, if she’s not that wet, maybe buy some lube. She’ll feel better if she’s not rubbed raw)
DaycenH: Ask her what her favorite things are. Each girl is different
SexxyWomanHere: Tell her how much you want her, how you’ve been thinking about her all day/wanting to do this all day, how hot she looks, tell her about a fantasy you have involving her, all while doing the physical stuff you mentioned. Men get turned on through physical touch pretty easily, but women get turned on with mental/emotional stuff, alongside the physical. Definitely make her know that she’s desirable!
neuenono: In terms of technical tips, I can tell you [how to eat pussy](https://old.reddit.com/user/neuenono/comments/91uyll/how_to_go_down_on_a_woman_with_links_to_the_nina/). I can encourage you to do more grinding – starting gently, your thigh between her legs is an effective and semi-subtle way to remind her how good her pussy can make her feel. But it’s about so much more than that!
> begging for the main event to start
Calling PIV “the main event” shows that you still have a lot to learn. The less you distinguish “foreplay” from “sex”, the better it’s going to be. Oral, hands, grinding, toys, and fucking – all of these things can be interwoven as the couple sees fit. Depending on the woman, she might prefer to climax before, during, or after PIV – or constantly during all three!
In general, PIV is *terrible* at getting women off. It may be “the main event” for you, but for 70% of women it’s going to take more than dick to get to orgasm. So forget what you’ve seen in porn and in hollywood and be ready to write a script that’s totally tailored to her preferences. That *might* involve you eating her pussy a bit until you fuck and climax simultaneously – but that kind of woman is not that common! So be ready to improvise and learn on the fly.
shimmer311: It’s not just about touch- lots of girls are turned on by dirty talk and things like that too. Whispering things to her as you touch her would be hot (what you love about how her body feels, how good it feels to fuck her, her pussy is so tight, tell her shit like that)
nude_rower: trying new thing see how she reacts keep doing the things she likes, repeat. Things to try include: playing with nipples with your mouth and hand, giving her head for a long time (read the FAQ section about giving oral), touching her sensitive but non sexual zones(back, inside of legs, collarbone), slow down every step along the way, and dirty talk before and after the fun starts.
figgednewtonian: Devour me. Look at me and talk to me like you can’t last one more second without putting your hands and mouth all over me.
Appreciate my body. Every curve, every line, every ounce of it is yours. Take it.
And when I respond favorably, remember it. Tease me. Get me to the point where I’m begging you to fill me.
FoxFireUnlimited: Check your inbox.
Tollin74: The key to good fore play is listening. When you do something a woman likes, she will let you know.
I recommend you set aside a night, where the goal is not PIV. But learning foreplay. Testing things out. Does she like her ear lobes nibbled? How about her neck? What about the collar bone? Try and see how she responds!
If you really want to learn how she likes to be touched. Give her a massage. Start with her back, take your time and really listen to her. If she likes it, you’ll hear moans. Her legs will slightly spread. Maybe raise her butt a little. But don’t take the bait. Keep it to a legit massage.
Have her turn over. Work her arms and hands. Go around the breasts, and down the sides. Work the thighs and feet. Watch and listen to her reactions.
When it’s time. Play with her breasts. Test out nipple play. Some women like it. Others not so much. If she doesn’t move on. If she does, ask her how she wants you to do so.
Ask her to show you how she likes her clit touched. My favorite is have them put their hand on mine and masturbate with my hand.
My personal goal is to give the woman at least one orgasm with my fingers and tongue BEFORE PIV.
dip-it-in-shit: Teasing. A lot of teasing. Before even touching her vulva, tease her. Kiss her thighs, and kiss closer to her vagina before moving away again.
Trollydollyx: Maintain rhythm and speed don’t switch it up every ten seconds her body will respond to what she likes you just listen or feel lol