Making love vs. Having sex
I (26m) have always put a divide in my sex life between making love and having sex. Don’t get me wrong, there is an emotional connection between myself and my partner (24f), but that’s not what’s on display during sex. My GF and I have some sick nasty sex, I love it and it’s crazy. I’ve never connected with someone so well before, especially sexually. We’re totally open about our weird stuff, which is really weird stuff, even by hentai standards kinda weird stuff. I’d mentioned early in the relationship that I have this mental divide between making love and having sex. She didn’t really understand what I meant.
I explained that when you make love there is a lot more eye contact, sensual kissing, you hold each other tight, it’s much slower paced and you say sweet things to each other, stuff you wouldn’t normally say. It’s emotionally charged and a special moment you share. I told her I’d never done it before but always wanted to. She of course teased me about it. She’s a wild child and we’ve both had trouble communicating emotions verbally. We both show affection physically with kisses, cuddles and are very selective of our partners.
We have very high sex drives so when she started having trouble getting in the mood it was, odd. She’d never had that happen before and we’d been having better and better sex the last week or so. Just finished a willy clone she’s been incredibly excited for and to take home with her too. I realized something was off when we were doing a session of one of her fetishes and she just didn’t really seem into it. We stopped about 20 minutes in and talked about what’s going on. She felt really bad about it and apologized. She’s usually ready to go at the drop of a hat. She confessed that she wanted more kisses, affection, and sweet talk for a little bit. I held her on my lap in a cuddle type position for a little while and talked about what’s going on with her and had a nice moment.
I put away the kinky stuff, sat back down and pulled her onto my lap and we cuddled for a bit longer. After a while I pulled her chin up and started kissing her sensually. Usually there is a fair amount of tongue and it’s all hot and heavy. This time I kept the pace slow and light, no tongue. Moved to kissing on her neck and saying some sweet stuff about how much I love her and what she means to me. She started shuttering and getting into things. I took her by the hand and moved from the living room couch to my bed. Things continued as they do and we made love.
It was a beautiful moment. She has a hard time looking me in the eye during sex. This time we had a lot of eye contact and that means a lot to me, she’s shy about it. She even sweet talked me which is not at all her forte. She has an extremely hard time opening up to people so for her to be vulnerable like that means the world to me. After things hit their climax we laid there staring at each other, kissing and flipping each other shit about being all mushy. She got really red in the face and told me it was the best sex she’d ever had. That hit me petty hard in the feels. Her sex drive is back up to full throttle too.
ooo-X3R0-ooo: In a good healthy relationship, you need both. Some nights we take it slow and make love, other nights (last night 😁) it’s hard fast and just fucking.
It’s, and this is my opinion, how you know you may have found someone you are truly compatible with, it’s also the sex you will miss if you ever break it off.
SadShell: Very much on point at love making and sex. I miss the last time that I made love with someone.
lilnippy: Sometimes you got to squeeze
Sometimes you got to say please
Sometimes you’ve got to say hey
I’m gonna fuck you, softly
I’m gonna screw you gently
I’m gonna hump you, sweetly
I’m gonna ball you, discreeeetlllllleeeeyyyyyy
Jrc7711: I’m 39 years old and I still don’t think I’ve ever made love. I’ve started off making love but instinct or habit kicks in and I end up going back to the rough-fuck style lol.
CookiesandcoffeeOo: I’ve been lucky enough so have done both the last few days, the full on kinky sex is incredible, but nothing beats the intimacy you feel when you have a relationship strong enough to make love. I think both sex and making love are so needed in a healthy relationship!
Me and my husband seem to have found a healthy balance of the two. I’m an incredibly lucky girl!
aimeegaberseck: That’s beautiful. It sounds like you two have reached a deeper level in your relationship. I’m wishing you both the best and a long happy future.
Brother_Shme: (M23) I haven’t made love and I haven’t let myself go enough to experience anything like that. I’m always in my head, and I find letting go to be quite difficult.
I got a little teary eyed reading it. Go you dude. That’s awesome, and I’ve never been happier for complete strangers.
47Ronin: In my mind it’s really just who I’m fucking that makes the difference. I’ve had some kinky sex that was among the most intimate and loving I’ve ever had. I guess I’m saying that mileage varies on this.
Great write up though, thanks for sharing.
Shogari: I actually divide it up into making love, having sex, and fucking. Making love is emotional and you care more about your partner’s pleasure than your own. Having sex is mutual. And fucking is self-centered.
Madlight1994: I think making love must be really special with the right person. It sounds so like guys had a very sweet time!
I had an ex I was with for years and I never really enjoyed our sex life. Always found it boring. I’d try to suggest changes but had no success. Late in the relationship he told me he’d never fucked me, only made love. And I was like o shit, is that why I was bored? Haha. So yeah, the right person is definitely important. I’m glad you’ve found someone you can be on the same wavelength with!
green49285: Damn, dude. This shit hit ME in the feels.
Im happy for you too. Thats good shit, man.
Deezy666: I love this.
leelee0350: What a beautiful post.
flower_puff_girl: THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL.
i’m saving this as a reminder that this is what i want and i dont want to settle for anything less by time i decide to settle down
kimru3344: That is one of the sweetest making love stories I have read on Reddit. Made me a little weepy eyed.
MrOaiki: Making love is having sex with someone you love. Rough or slow, doesn’t matter. “Just fucking” is having sex with someone you’re not in love with. Rough or slow, doesn’t matter. I’ve had “slow sweet sex” with people I have no feelings for. I’ve had “rough sex” with people I’m in love with. And vice versa.
itstheoneandonly69: I also feel like there’s a difference in afterglow from the two things. After a rough fucking I’m (f) rather physically satisfied yet tired. But after a love making session, my heart is so full and emotionally I feel very excited, and sometimes it’s hit me so hard that I’ve cried lol.
It’s good stuff either way.
throwaway93_4: I’m really lucky to have a gf who I can do both with.
_planetoi: I started reading this thinking this was going to be a post about how you and your GF have hot wild sex but never make love. I’m glad it wasn’t 🙂 Enjoy it my friend, I’ve had my fair share of wild sex but what I always remember the most are the special moments where you really connect with someone. Good luck, I hope you can continue to share these moments with your girl.
fetish_freak16: Ahh man this brings me to sharing my recent break up story : the girl I was with : we kissed so intensely – cuddled – our eyes looked into each other as if we were looking at each other’s soul – the passion – the emotions – the feelings – the laughs we shared in the bed – the way i was so much of a giver in the bed due to my love and attraction towards her – the chemistry – the connection – the bond –
& we used to make love on deephouse music – it used to feel so so heavenly – now since she broke up with me because she is bipolar – more than the sex – what I really miss is looking into each other eyes – the kisses – cuddles – smiles and I can just go on and on but it was the “making love” is what I did .
RinkanShojo: For me it’s having sex and hardcore fucking. The latter is with men, the former with women. I don’t really know how to emotionally bond with men during sex so I prefer if they rail me hard.
Women are very sensual so I prefer the beauty of lesbian sex during that haha.
Also I’m willing to do one on one sex with women, which I almost never do with men these days, group sex/gangbangs or bust.
bitterjack: That read like an erotica. Well now I’m at work with a semichub. nice.
LearnsFromExperience: The first time making love is mind blowing. Didn’t happen for me until I was 49.
arousedandanxious: There was a guy I was with and things ended up not working out because I wanted to make love AND fuck, while he just wanted the latter :/
SoFetchBetch: This is wonderful 🙂 there’s also a nice middle ground of passionate almost desperate, insatiable love making that involves deep, feverish thrusting, long intense kisses and hands all over the other all while exclaiming adoration for the other. That’s my favorite kind of sex/love making.
cynthia2424: Damn. This is so sweet and beautiful. Super turned on from reading it.
LettuceWouldntFit: I think it comes down, 100% to finding the right person.
With my ex, we never made love, because he didn’t truly love me. Our sex life wasn’t terrible and at the time I thought it was the greatest but he was also my first sexual relationship. He was a selfish person, in all aspects of our relationships but especially sex. He would get frustrated if he didn’t cum, wouldn’t even try to last longer than a few minutes, never went down on me, the list goes on and on.
When I first “made love” to my current boyfriend, it was about half a year into our relationship, I was blown away. When I get really turned on I start shaking, involuntary jerks even, but this was a different kind of shake. It’s the kind of shakes you get when you’re texting a guy you really really like and you think he might like you back, or after you gain the courage to kiss someone for the first time. It was like I was discovering a whole new feeling towards him.
I wasn’t forcing myself to think about love, I just was by default. The noises that came from both of us were different, I didn’t feel a need to rush or “get there”. After we were done we were both in bliss and couldn’t stop kissing each other.
It doesn’t happen all the time, our sex life is amazing either way, but when it does I think about it for DAYS. I imagine that’s what it would be like if we were trying to conceive.
rubyredlipsxo: That sounds so sweet! I’m glad you two found that connection in that moment; sometimes it’s a bit hard to get into that if you talk it up too much. It seems like finding it spontaneously was the best way to go.
Congrats, hope you guys keep up the good feelings! <3
voxtots: Mdma and lsd are some great tools for making love
wildtrk: Funny this is a question on the OKCupid dating app. They want to know if these two terms are the same or mean different things.
PinsNneedles: I’m glad you got to experience that, my friend! I️ love making love wayyy more than I️ love just sex. I’m not sure why, probably because I’m a super emotional dude
lion-vs-dragon: Awwwwwww this is so sweet ^-^ I’m so glad it’s out there in the real world
Windowseat123: Just curious…what does it mean if somebody doesn’t make eye contact during sex?
starchildvenus: Awe this is a great read and sounds like you are on the right track.
MoseDocta: You should listen to “Fuck Her Gently” by Tenacious D… trust me.
fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-: Now, do all that slow, loving stuff you just mentioned, but in missionary anal. My girl loves/hates anal. She loves and fears the pleasure/pain, so you can imagine the mind fuck it had on her when we were positioned in missionary, I was going slow and kissing her lovingly, but I was fucking her ass.
Jrc7711: For sure. I don’t think the last 10 years I was truly in love with my wife. Maybe my first long-term girlfriend but that could be possible.
To be honest I never feel like I’m missing anything because I’m a pretty big fan of rough dirty sex LOL
7ootles: I’m like this too. I thought it was how adults were…?
phluphphy: I can’t cum if I’m just fucking. It’s weird.
freddymerckx: Don’t worry about it, it will all be over soon.
justfunandplay: I do not belive in sex. Sex is a bad experience of trying to make love.
D-Dubb: Hmmm….I thought that Making Love what what a women does while a guy is Screwing her….you learn something new every day!!
MausScor: Sex is sex…… period