So I don’t necessarily feel super comfortable giving 100% of the backstory, but the main point is, my SO (26F) and I (26M) have not had sex yet, and she is a virgin. However, she recently had a massive left brain stroke leaving her with limited movement in her right arm, and zero movement or feeling in her right leg.
My question is:
Does anyone have any experience with sex as either paralyzed or the partner of someone who was paralyzed?
Was it easy to overcome?
Were there any positions that were better/worse?
I understand it is an issue that will likely take a lot of time on top of the other things going on in her life as well as mine, but it is something I would like to know as much about before we start in.
And if anyone is thinking “recently” is “too soon”, she brought it up to me yesterday saying she wanted to fuck. So that is not something I am currently concerned about.
Thanks in advance for any advice you can give.
betlamed: Seeing as this is a new situation for you, and strokes are extremely individual, you’ll have to figure out your own way. So, communicate communicate communicate.
FWIW, I’m a spastic (diplegic, so basically just a funny walk…) There are some limits, but I can tell you from experience that all of this can be overcome if both partners are willing. There might be a few awkward situations, but then there are awkward moments in your first few sex sessions anyway. It’s the law. 😉
As a “disabled” person the main turnoff would be pity. Absolutely total fucking dealbreaker. Insta-flaccid, back into clothes, gone a few hundred miles by midnight.
So, I guess my advice would just be to be honest about your feelings. Feel insecure how to go on? Well, tell her. Maybe she can tell you precisely what to do…wonderful. Or she is as nervous as you, then you can empathize and it will deepen your connection. Either way, a win.
limmo: communicate with her. not us. be patient and understanding.
callmeiti: This is one of the most specific questions I have ever seen asked here.
[deleted]: Just be very gentle and figure out what’s best for the two of you by trying together and always communicating. Lots of great sex still ahead of you guys if you love each other, I would bet. Have a wonderful time!
loversean: I do not have experience in this area, but I am looking forward to hearing what people have to say.
neature2: I wouldn’t be surprised if there were specific chat groups for people with paralysis and their partners dealing with different methods to work up to and through sex safely and enjoyably for everyone involved. Having never dealt with a situation like this, the first thing that pops into my head is figuring out what positions are going to be possible for her due to limb paralysis and loss of feeling.
kalecaesarsalad: My partner and I had sex with a female whose partner was unable to have sex due to a disability. They had a non monogamous arrangement for this reason. That is how she found us.
Are the two of you committed to monogamy?