My mom walked into my apartment when I was about to have sex with my boyfriend?
I moved into a place by myself a couple of months ago and I gave my mom the extra key in case I got locked out. I had a boy at my apartment last night and we were making out on my bed and we were about to have sex. My mom and younger sister unexpectedly came over to visit since they were in town anyway. She knocked like once and then just unlocked, opened the door, and walked in even though my car was in the parking lot and they parked next to it.
Thankfully only his shirt was off and his pants were unbottoned. I told him to get dressed, stay in the room and be quiet. I ran out of the bedroom to the front door.
My mom kept asking me if there was someone in my apartment. I told her no and she kept asking. Finally I told her yes and to leave and not come over unless they ask first.
I wasn’t in the mood anymore so I asked him if we could just do something else and he said yes.
I just feel really humiliated and embarrassed. I mean what if we didn’t hear her and she saw me sucking his dick or him eating me out or me riding him?
My boyfriend and I are adults.
I just feel really humiliated and and my privacy violated. What should I do?
I never had sex before and it was going to br my first time.
MeriDianeMeri: I think you should bite the bullet, and sit your mom down for a talk. The key is for emergencies only, and visits should be announced. It’s just common courtesy to follow those rules. And you should not have to explain anything about someone being there or not. You are an adult, and your mom just needs to learn to deal with that.
NickHenni: And get a chain on that door…
Whatchamathing: > I just feel really humiliated and and my privacy violated. What should I do?
You need to sit down your mum and have a Very Serious Talk, and if necessary a blazing row, about boundaries. Do NOT let this pass. She was in the wrong to just let herself in, and in the wrong to demand answers about if you had a visitor. You are an adult, you have your own place, you are not an extension of her but your own person.
Coidzor: >I mean what if we didn’t hear her and she saw me sucking his dick or him eating me out or me riding him?
Then she done a bad and she’ll likely learn not to repeat that same mistake.
Joeybing9: Moms will always be moms, but you need to have boundaries for such things. Hopefully it’s clear to her now.
thisisforscienceonly: I don’t think there’s any reason for you to feel embarrassed. Your mother was the one one hundred percent in the wrong.
Even if you hadn’t been about to have sex, that’s still scary to see your door opening when you weren’t expecting someone over!
Talk to your mom. Ask for your key back if you think that’s best, or tell her she can never open your door without your explicit permission. If she knocks and you don’t answer, then she should just leave.
Really she shouldn’t even be knocking at all unless she’s asked to come over, but maybe you have a looser relationship than that.
Beaversneverdie: Your mom violated your privacy. You need to confront her respectfully. That’s your place not hers. 20 years ago this type of stuff could fly, now, everyone is within feet of a phone, a simple “I’m coming over” isn’t even a courtesy anymore, it’s expected.
chimerias: There are some good suggestions here. I’m gonna add that you can get one of those locks for the inner door too.
kevingerard: Key for the door not for the deadbolt. Use the deadbolt when your home. Has worked for me.
redheroineisblue: Don’t give people your keys, period. If you do, this kind of stuff inevitably happens because most people don’t understand boundaries. Worse, now that it has happened to you once, even if it never happens again – and you sit down your mother for a talk as people advise you – you will never feel comfortable again until you take her key away.
TLDR: take away her keys.
lake_mi_mermaid: This is why my mom does not have a spare key to my apartment. She has a key to my car but not by my choice, she did it without me knowing. Get the key back imo or put a chain lock on your door.
DreamofEndless: This was a big annoyance when I started living on my own. My mom would text me and ask if she could stop by, thankfully. My dad would drop by unannounced. After the 2nd time, I had a brief talk with him, it came to an end.
My parents have a spare key to my current place, but they’ve never dropped by uninvited thankfully. You addressed it but make sure you reiterate, too.
365Blistering: Take your key back.
Giraffesrockyeah: That’s really not on. Tell her if she does it again she might see you fucking someone and it might be awkward haha
crayonscooby: Does your mom do this kind of thing often (intrusions on privacy, terrible communication) or was it just her assuming you’d be alone at home and not busy?
It’s pretty weird that she and your sister would physically invite themselves unannounced in your home instead of texting you, calling you, let alone knocking on the door. I guess if you were okay with her doing this in the past, maybe she just got used to it.
You know your mom better than us. It’s up to you to either have a frank discussion with her about privacy, or to take back the key altogether (maybe hide it somewhere in your parent’s house without necessarily letting your mom know where).
fiestyfeaster: My ex’s mom did this to us once or twice. Not a big deal. Just make sure to tell your mom that as an adult living on your own, you’d appreciate a heads up when they are coming over- same respect they’d ask for from you. And done.
canon12: You have to set the rules for the future.
moon-nightspirit: I think your mother is totally wrong. You are no child anymore and need privacy.
How many months passed since you left home?
thhrowaway_: Same thing happened with me and my father. I live out of town and was with my parents for the holidays. He had to go to the city I lived in to get his car repaired and stayed at the place I’m renting. Well he decides to look for a charger that he thinks I borrowed from him and walks into my room without me there. Normally this wouldn’t be and issue except I had a riding crop hanging on my wall and some handcuffs on the ground. I had to just tell him that you won’t find anything if you don’t go looking and to at least ask before entering my space
ProNerd5: Just have an adult to adult conversation with your mother to set some boundaries. This doesn’t have to be a big deal.
DavidAg02: Just have a talk with your mom. The say way we can’t imagine our parents having sex, our parents can’t imagine that we also have sex. Yes, it’s an invasion of your privacy, but it’s most likely an innocent one. Just talk to her.
FreshWhiteReeboks: I had a similar problem when I got my own place. Although the most embarrassing thing my mom caught me doing was smoking a spliff in my underwear. The uninvited visits really got to be too much to handle quickly and eventually I just asked her for the spare keys back, and gave them to a friend of hers who lived in the neighbourhood. That way she knew how to get ahold of the keys in an emergency, but couldn’t pop in unannounced whenever she felt being overbearing.
Xoryp: I feel your pain, luckily by the time I was 18 with my first apartment I was open sexually enough that when it happened to me it just pissed me off.
My mom didnt have a key because I knew she likes to just walk in and I like privacy. And my apartment complex was gated so you needed a key to get in. My girlfriend and I were right in the middle of fucking doggie style on the couch right in front of the front door when my mom just opens it right up. My girlfriend ran into the other room while I was left sitting there with a full erection yelling at my mom to get out. My girlfriend couldnt even look at my mom for a long time after.
Definitely need to set strict boundaries with your mom and maybe have a secondary interior lock that can not be opened by key.
The_Goondocks: Sounds like you already did it when you told her not to come over without calling first. Relax.
Sogeman: My parents and sister have a key simply so I don’t have to call an expensive locksmith in case I ever lock myself out.
Tell her to not use the key unless you tell her to. If she doesn’t understand, just leave your key in the lock. I always do that, another key shouldn’t work from the outside then. Or just take it away if she doesn’t understand
bossbozo: Put a chain lock on your door.
This is a security feature, but also works as a fail safe/backup for your problem should your mum repeat the incident even after talking with her about it.
WarezMyDinrBitc: My mom or a friend has always had a spare key to my places in case I ever get locked out. This type of thing actually happened to me twice. Oddly enough, in this tiny house the bathroom and bedroom were on opposite sides of the living room.
The first time, my gf and I had just busted into the living room naked and sweaty, headed for the bathroom only to find my mother sitting quietly on the couch. We ran back into the bedroom. When asked how long she had been there, she replied “pretty much the whole time.” This was after about half an hour of the loudest raunchy sex… Where we thought no one could hear.
We used to have a projector on the wall of the living room and a futon my best friend had loaned us to lay on bc the floor was wood. The second time, I am straight up railing my girl doggie style on the futon when my friend and his gf bust in the back door. I guess they were showing up early to go out or on a trip. They both laughed at us and cheered with him saying “you guys just keep the futon.” That one was easier to laugh off.
I’m sure things were awkward btwn my GF and my mother for a while, but it never happened after that. We eventually had a son together so she knew what we were up to. If she visits, she won’t dare even knocking on a door I might have a woman behind.
RudolphMorphi: Ask for the key back.
jaunt_penny: Bummer it happened, but maybe some mutual hand play could have salvaged the mood.