HEIGHT: 180 – 5′ 11;; BUST: 83 – 32;; WAIST: 64 – 25;; HIPS: 90 – 35;; SHOES: 40 – 9;; HAIR: blond;; EYES: blue
How do I [Mid-Twenties M] go about telling my fwb in a mature, thoughtful and sex-positive manner that I have a big ol’ collection of vibrators, prostate massagers and dildos without freaking her out?
Look, fellas if you haven’t tried it, try it. Thank me later. This is not a post about how fortunate I feel to have trusted myself taken the, uhhh… you know… the plunge into anal play.
But, my fwb and I played “never have I ever” at a bar one time, which naturally led to a conversation about our kinks and fetishes. I told her I have my “uhhhh preferences” and that when the time is right and she demonstrated that she’s a trustworthy and mature person that I would consider telling her.
She’s been bugging me about it since we started hanging out, which is kind of funny because I smirk it off and tell her it’s a conversation for another time. This drives her crazy because I know that she’s really dying to know what my kink is.
Problem is that I think she’s expecting something a little more “vanilla” like role play or mild bondage or something like that, which I could probably roll with even though I haven’t tried either. I would not be surprised, if I told her today about my toys, that she would be taken a little bit off guard if I told her upfront. Besides, I find the teasing amusing. Still nervous about her having a gross-out/freakout reaction and lose interest.
The other problem is that, although she’s really cool, she is not particularly oblique. We were friends before we started having sex too and she would tell me everything about her previous relationship without hesitation. Also, I heard about her interest in me from a friend of a friend of a friend at least 6 weeks before we even hooked up, so keeping a secret is just one of her flaws as a person.
She’s also not particularly oblique about non-sexual issues, too. She does have a mild propensity for gossip and I want to ensure my reputation is protected if we go our separate ways one day.
So, again not sure how I should tell her. I’m not personally ashamed by it. I love it and it’s been a fantastic and empowering enhancement to my sex life and a personal indulgence I will never walk away from. It’s too good! I also take sanitary concerns very seriously and have a set of steps I take to ensure the cleanest possible experience using my toys.
But I also recognize that we live in a society with a stigma against that sort of thing and that even a well-constituted individual who is incredibly sex-positive may find such a knowledge bomb uncomfortable if not delivered the right way.
What would you guys do (besides dropping $18 on a sex toy – an investment with bajillion percent returns)
TizardPaperclip: > She does have a mild propensity for gossip and I want to ensure my reputation is protected if we go our separate ways one day.
This paragraph is the key to your whole post. The answer to your question is:
Don’t tell her about your anal kink until you are ready for all of her friends, half of your friends, and various people you’ve never met, to know about it.
Stella747: From a woman’s perspective:
I think everyone has some taboo thing that they are into, but just too afraid to say it aloud.
Good for you for finding something you enjoy!
If you really think she’s going to have a freak out (which is kind of ridiculous because this is NOT uncommon), see if you can ease her into the idea with a finger in the ass while she blows you. Then build up to real anal/prostate play over time.
Maybe I just attract more sexually open men, but believe me, more straight guys are into this than you might expect.
Kit4000: Start by asking her what her thoughts are on sex toys and men owning them. Segue into asking what she knows about prostate play.
I hope she is open to it and you guys have a lot of fun.
WingedShadow83: I, for one, think that guys who are comfortable enough in their sexuality to be open to anal play are the hottest thing ever. Seriously, I wish there were more like you. I live in the Bible Belt and am constantly afraid any question of “Hey, I’d really like to massage your prostate, you into that?” might be met with a Chernobyl-level explosion of “wtf, no homooooooo!!”
But, yeah, this is tricky. I might just tell you to lay it out there, and if she says she’s not into that, just shrug and say “no big deal, I’ll keep that for my alone time”.
But the fact that you mentioned she has a hard time keeping her mouth shut regarding what goes on behind closed doors makes me wary. This person might not have the emotional maturity to trust with something like that. Proceed with caution.
TheSingingEmma: Personally, (I’m female), I get excited over things like this (hearing about someone’s kinks in general, also men who like anal play, for some reason), so I’d say just tell her and it’ll probably be fine. As someone who owns a vagina, I can say that we (the collective, possibly) have probably at least thought about sticking, quite possibly actually have stuck, something in our own anuses, so why would it be weird if someone of the opposite gender does it? You mentioned she’s not particually oblique, so talking about it should be okay, right?
Nevertheless, do what makes you feel good. If that means not mentioning it, then don’t. Otherwise, perhaps mention it when you’re already in a sexier mood?
PS. Sorry about my wretched way of wording, it’s 1.46 am on a workday hahaha.
knowitallz: Bring up the idea of doing fun new things. Then bring up one thing. Play through that thing. See how it goes. Then another time bring out more things. Don’t overwhelm her
moonchildcountrygirl: As a gossipy girl with an FWB who’s into the same thiiing, I’ve never actually told anyone else about it, even when I’ve discussed our sex life to my friends.
It’s not my kink but he checks so many other boxes for me that it doesn’t seem like a big deal at all.
Other guys are deffff into this, not even particularly submissive ones either, and if she’s in her mid 20s with a decent degree of experience then she’s almost 100% come across a version of this. The comment about integrating bit by bit is solid. It doesn’t have to be a big reveal all at once
Alsssso there’s probably a high chance she has stuff of her own / would incorporate toys too…
Coidzor: Don’t lead with having a huge collection.
Lead with saying that you have some sex toys. Actually, no, you should lead with asking if she’s interested in sex toys and then depending upon how that conversation develops, you can tell her about different types of sex toys you’ve used on partners in the past or you can ask her if she wants to try out using a sex toy that she’s interested in.
That said, if these have been used, you’d better be damned sure you’ve properly sanitized them and if they’re not something that can be sanitized, well, that’s the end of those ones.
Pam-from-the-Office: Jesus, is that you?
anonymous19735791: Dude, you just made my day with that title, I’m laughing my ass off over here