My [18f] friends are treating my preference as a strange fetish, is that the case?
Whenever the topic of guys comes up in our little friend group, I always feel like the odd one out because my friends either like tall and thin men, or very chiseled and built and intimidating looking. You know, the whole movie star dreamboat look. I am not into those things, which doesn’t mean I find thin or muscular men ugly or that I’m trying to shame them, I’m just not attracted to them.
Instead, I like a man with a little bit of curve, preferably only a few inches taller than me. Long story short, I like them chubby. It’s not only a sexual thing (I think) yet that’s how everybody treats it, like I’m weird for thinking this way and that it’s some strange fetish for me to like softer men. I have a boyfriend of 7 months and I absolutely adore his body, he’s just so nice to hold and it’s so pleasant to run your hands all over someone and have that soft feeling. There’s so many things I like about his body, I could go on forever but that’s not the point of this post so I’ll spare you the details.
So, is having a preference that is a little out of societal norms considered a fetish? I don’t think my attraction to chubby men is purely a sexual thing, but what do I know. It makes me feel weird to talk about it with them now, and I feel kinda shamed for it.
Sorry for the rambling.
sandybeachclam: No that isn’t a fetish. When people are young they often feel pressure to conform to “normal” ideas. I’m like you , I like husky guys and hairy too.
Feel glad you are comfortable in your preferences and don’t worry too much about these other people.
manifestDensity: Preference: A man loves having sex with a woman who is wearing high heels.
Fetish: All he needs is the shoe.
forel237: Look up ‘Dad bods’, loads of women find the same sort of physique attractive, you’re not weird. When I was on tinder my matches were all slightly chubby bearded men, it’s my type, not a fetish.
phishtrader: Plenty of guys prefer women who have that “girl next door” look. I’m not really sure why being attracted to people in completely accessible, realistic terms would be a fetish or a negative trait, in fact, I’d call it normal and completely reasonable.
Shame on you for having attainable goals. /s
geeKISSweet: Not a fetish, just a type. I like having more to hug on a man too
RangerMan612: There’s nothing to be ashamed of, everyone has a body preference that attracts them, just because your friends think it’s weird does not mean everyone else thinks it’s weird. That is the body type you are attracted to and that’s that, though I’m sure other commenters would provide their own opinions.
sleepless83: When I was with a chubby dude, I was all about his body. My current bf is thin as hell and not really athletic or tall, yet his body is absolutely perfect to me. It’s not a fetish thing, I’m just all about my partner no matter what
freakycloud: Its not a fetish and even if it was there is nothing wrong with it. Its just a physical preference is all.
alittlebirdy1: A fetish is some sexual act or item that you simply have to have in order to orgasm.
You have a simple preference in body type. There’s nothing in the world wrong with that!
It’s none of your friends’ business. Don’t ever apologize for your preferences – in body type, in sex acts, whatever.
U_Von_Aardenstein: This whole thread is doing wonders for my dad-bod confidence, Holy shit.
incognitoguy: Everybody has different tastes, even in perference for partners. Own it. It’s all good. The silver lining is, if most prefer other types, that means there’s more chubby guys available for you.
DonLaFontainesGhost: I’d suggest looking at it this way – let’s say you know two men:
– One is an absolute perfect match. You really like his company, you share some key hobbies, your families get along, etc. But he’s “chiseled greek god” type
– The other looks like your picture-perfect guy, but isn’t as close of a personality match, and a few things he does actually kind of annoy you.
IMHO, if you prefer the first guy, then it’s just that you have a preference. If you’re really itching to go after the second guy then yeah, it may be more fetishy.
For me, I *love* mediterranean-looking women – like Sarah Shahi, Marina Sirtis, Gal Gadot, etc. So of course I married a fair-haired, blue-eyed Polish girl… And I don’t regret it one bit.
Does that make sense?
lacyspade: Ah. The old — to like someone on the chubbier side is a *fetish* but to like someone on the skinnier side is a *preference*—bs argument.
Both are preferences. You are fine.
FullOveracting: When we are attracted to someone, it is because we subconsciously like their genes. It’s to our advantage to mate with the best possible genes which will then be passed on to the children. So it’s very much possible that you prefer chubby ones because their genes and yours make a good set. Don’t be ashamed of your preferences.
I am tall and a bit fat. And I have always been attracted to thin/slim guys my height or shorter. All my friends call my choice “weird”, but who cares.
hotdog_relish: Sounds like it’s no more a fetish than being into tall guys, or guys with tattoos. Just a preference for dad-bods, that’s all!
anonymousalice2: I’ve heard that there’s research that shows that people tend to date and be attracted to people who they think are about the same level of attractiveness that they think they are. I can’t find a link but I have heard that basically people over time tend to “sort” themselves that way because otherwise you tend to get turned down a lot.
Your friends may not have realized that going for partners who are way out of their league doesn’t lead to good endings a lot of times.
Actually I think some girls when they’re younger intentionally “go for” guys who are totally unattainable… either dudes they know but who are older or just somehow for some other reason unlikely to actually date them, or like movie stars or musicians or whatever… maybe it’s less intimidating to explore the idea of sex with someone who you know isn’t actually going to suddenly show up and ask you out and force you to maybe do those things? I dunno but that’s how a bunch of my friends were. But they suddenly shifted to being attracted to guys in our friend group when they wanted to, umh, actually get laid, hah.
plasticbagwind: Dadbod 2018!
schwabadelic: Some prefer girth over length…..nothing wrong with that 😉
mozirella: You like what you like, we are all different and our brains are all wired differently, despite expectations to be similar/like similar things
Some are more bizarre than others, but in your case it’s not even that weird
armchairepicure: I love short guys with 1970s actor amount of body hair and never specifically looked for a chiseled physique. It has taken years and years to figure out why I like it more and – honestly- it was hardly worth the introspection to figure it out.
You do you! Live your best life and when your girlfriends act weird about it, just let them know they should be relieved that you’ll never compete over guys.
mendax__: It’s just as must of a fetish as it is to like muscular men or tall men.
I like short men, and people find it weird. My boyfriend is probably half an inch shorter than me.
I completely agree with what you said about chubby men. My SO was very skinny when we first met, unhealthily skinny. He was he sort of skinny where he had abs even tho he didn’t work out because of the lack of body fat.
Anyways, he’s in a better home situation now, and is eating better. The kids put on some weight. He’s got thick thighs now, a full face, and a bit of a tummy. And I absolutely love it. The softness is just extremely attractive to me.
He hates it and is pretty insecure about it so I compliment him daily.
You can be attracted to whoever you want, you don’t need an explanation or a reason for it. I don’t find the appeal of muscular mean either, it just looks unnatural to me.
B0h1c4: As I understand it, a fetish is basically something that you *need* to make sex enjoyable to you. And a kink is something that you enjoy, but not necessarily *need*.
Since you say that this isn’t a sexual thing, I don’t think it qualifies as either of those. It’s just a preference of attraction. If anything, it’s a mild kink. But probably not a fetish.
manwhowritesthings: go watch the potbelly scene from pulp fiction
what feels best isn’t always what we want to look at is the TL;DR version of the quote
mokti: You’re fine. It would only be a fetish if you derived primary sexual satisfaction from a specific object or situation… as in, it would be REALLY hard to get off without your specific kink being manifest.
Liking a particular body type more than others is just basic preference. The majority tends to go one way thanks to community beauty standards, but not conforming to those standards doesn’t make it a fetish.
Your friends don’t have a thin leg to stand on. Tell them to shove it.
SororFlirtatia: If your preference is a fetish then so is the preference for skinny guys.
shadoxalon: Dad-bod is a real thing. I’m sure your friends have preferences that don’t necessarily jive with what is “normal”. They’re just too worried about their image to openly discuss them, unfortunately. Just keep doing you!
804R: A fetish is something you need to get turned on, a kink is something that turns you on, but you don’t need to get turned on. What you have seems more like a preference, like you say, and there’s nothing wrong with any of those (as long as you don’t hurt anyone who doesn’t want to).
Momma_Kat630: I’m right there with you. Even when I was very young I was never greatly attracted to very muscular, hard bodied men. I love me some bearded chubby guys! +10 pts if they have tats! Lol
It’s muuuch more comfy snuggling a soft teddy bear rather than a pile of rocks.
mcsniper66: to each their own
terpman316: No that’s honestly pretty common. I know a few women who like that. Same thing with guys liking girls with a little extra meat haha. So long as it ain’t a health concern, I’m all about it.
RaiRaijinn: Oh this totally normal, in some cultures husky men are viewed as more well off
FetchingTheSwagni: If anything, they’re the ones with the fetish, considering that the average man is not like that.
Same about guys who only like super-model type women.
ghanima: You do you.
idkwhaat: I like ’em exactly like you like ’em!! More for us 😉
Captain-Tac: My cousin only ever felt attracted to “chubby” men cause they “cuddle so nice”. Its just a preference. I like curvy/thicc women with pale skin. Not a fetish, its what like.
Tell em to kiss ya ass and go snuggle what they wanna snuggle.
bizm4rk_beaver: It isn’t strange. Im kinda the same way. My boyfriend is tall and has a little belly on him. I love soft bodies. Ripped dudes are not my thing whatsoever.
Griffca: Preference does not equal fetish. Never feel bad for liking what you like.
litatavle: Preach! Me too! Currently looking over at my stout and burly bearded sweetheart with a heart of gold and equal height. I definietly have a type, and he is it. Plus, we both can’t reach the highest shelves, so we end up in a wonderful skippydance every time we try to reach the cookies. Its awesome.
expandingexperiences: You’re friends are just immature. It’s why they are making a big deal about a simple preference. 🙂
fistfruit: I can 100% relate to this! I’ve been with my fiancé for a little over five years, and he’s got a dad bod that I absolutely adore he’s not gigantic or anything, long hair, long beard, blonde hair, blue eyes ( think of Thor, but if he had retired with Natalie Portman and had a few kids )
Now I’ve been with the fit , overly fit type your friends are describing and I’ve just never been happier than how I feel with my SO, like I could eat a whole pizza, ask for ice cream, and 10 minutes later be hungry again and he thinks it’s cute, not “ me being a chubbs “
I also used to live with my father in law ( 10 years younger than my mother in law, and absolutely obsessed with his fitness. I mean yeah, it’s probably easier on the eyes ( he is very toned, like 10% body fat) but this guy would never shut the fuck up about the gym, or his meal plan, or how he hit his macros perfectly that day and a bite of cake would just mess everything up. To wrap things up, I’ve just noticed, the type of guy you’re describing, sounds to me like you have pretty good taste ( MiL and FiL don’t have the best relationship either, he used to be kind of chunky and so did she, they both got fit, but he became obsessed with it, where as my MiL likes to toss back a few after her kids knock out)
adabbadon: I like scrawny guys and feminine guys, also the complete opposite of the norm. I don’t like muscles or chiseled bodies. I absolutely despise body and facial hair. I can also appreciate chubby and soft guys with cute round faces. Having a preference like this doesn’t mean you’re weird or a fetishist, it’s only when you dehumanize people for their bodies that it gets weird.
Michigan_made: I’m a guy (fairly thin) that likes my women to be chubby. Is that a fetish??? I prefer bigger girls/ women. They’re soft and have nice assets
callherhopeless: This is me! My boyfriend is chubby and is just 5 inches taller than me and I love it. I don’t have to strain my neck to look at him and I love his curves. 10/10 best cuddle buddy.
A lot of my friends actually prefer this type over tall and muscular.
throughdoors: With people fetishes as opposed to object fetishes, there’s generally an expectation that the person fulfills a number of other requirements, often stereotypes. For a different example, a lot of people with *fetishes* for black men imagine that they are more animalistic and dominant and masculine. This is different from *attraction* to black men, which has more to do with things like melanin, and actually leaves room for black men to be individual, diverse humans with things like personalities. (It’s possible to have consensual, empowering relationships involving these kinds of fetishes, but it’s complicated and not for most people.)
If your attraction to chubby men a little taller than you is because you expect them to meet some stereotypes around that, such as eating a lot and never exercising (and, um, something something about that particular height), then it may be a fetish and be aware that these are stereotypes rather than facts. But if it’s just about liking how he looks and feels, that itself doesn’t sound like a fetish — that sounds like enjoying a person and your relationship with them.
QueenCameo: I like a little belly. I like to rub the belly, pat the belly, let the belly know it’s loved. I just like curves and have a preference towards those with curves. Even my ex gf was curvy with a little belly.
Me on the other hand has a big girl belly. Mine gets its fair share of love from the fiancé. It’s comforting.
SensuousSkull: Husky and hairy all the way! You’re not alone. I dream of finding my own HHM to curl up with.
PaxMan0412: I am husky guy here, where can I find woman like you
off_ten: I used to have a friend whose ideal body type was Vincent D’Onofrio. When I asked her what she liked about that body type, she said she liked the feeling of “laying her head on cold back fat.” That statement is weird. Your preference for softer/chubbier dudes is not.
MrsMcD123: I’m the same. I mean, I think leonardo Dicaprio is gorgeous, Jason momoa, but realistically I’m more into guys like Jack Black. Like I’m seriously in love with Jack black.
TheThunderousSilence: dad bod is best bod
TParis00ap: “Dad bod” has been on the rise as a preferred type. Lots of theories why this is the case, but it’s on the rise.
Reptisessive: Honestly, I have many sexual partners (24/f) and I exclusively go after non-traditionally masculine men with dad bods. I love their chubby tummies and how squishy and cuddly they are. My perfect man is one who sits to pee, can comment on an attractive man, and has dyed hair/tattoos/piercings. You do you.
ladisty: Nah, you just happen to be into the “dad bod” (google it and you’ll find thousands of girls who are on the same page). It’s a preference that’s much more common than you’d think. Maybe has to do with the fact that you subconsciously perceive those kinds of guys as less superficial/more real and down-to-earth.
Nephyxia: No way is it a fetish, it’s just a preference you have and everybody has preferences. Don’t let them make you feel bad.
ABC_AlwaysBeCovert: The sooner you learn not to give a f*** what other people think of your (extremely valid) preferences, the better
FrozenBastard: No and thank the spirits for ladies like you! My wife was always the same way and we have been married for 12 years, she still squeezes me on a daily basis. I call her my squeezel weasel. Everyone has their preferences!
igiveshittyadvice2u: Fly your own freak flag. You live your life, not theirs.
LorazepamIsMyJam: Not a fetish at all. It’s the same as how some men prefer petite or tall women, for example.
I don’t know why they care. There’s less competition amongst friends then.
RudolphMorphi: It’s not a fetish and nothing to be ashamed of, your friends are being silly.
ixlHD: >I always feel like the odd one out
Why? what i find odd is how people are afraid to speak up for what they enjoy, this isn’t a go at you it just doesn’t make any sense to me. My friends will always order steaks when we are out to eat, i don’t enjoy steak so i get something else and they don’t look at me like an alien because i already told them i don’t enjoy steak. My friends know the exact type of woman i am into and are the perfect wing men for me on a night out.
Your life is only as enjoyable as you make it, following the crowd because it’s comfortable isn’t an enjoyable life and you won’t make the most out of it.
stephlestrange: Totally normal, no need to worry.
What is important is that you feel comfortable and happy with your partner, you are the one that is gonna go out with him not them.
imnotanamericanidiot: Me!!!! This is exactly how I feel. I just funny like them thin, slim egg. I like men chubby, little hairy and not to tall. I feel safe around them.
WillDonJay: Tell your friends you find “Dad bods” hot. That might get it through to them that this is a normal thing.
winterlayers: Dad bod. its a thing. aka: average
Christian_Kong: Everything is a fetish. Liking skinny, fat, black, white, Asian, all fetishes. Strange comes down to how normal others feel it is but strange does not imply bad.
buildmeupbreakmedown: You just have a type. It’s no big deal.
PteroStero: It’s having friends like that a terrible thing, not who you want to bone with.
spongekitty: There’s a whole lot of people in this world, and if only the conventionally attractive ones had admirers, there would be a whole lot of lonely people, too.
I think you’ll find this becomes less strange to your friend group as you grow older. You also might find yourself making different friends who aren’t as judgy…
Bri_1994: Ha, I’m the same exact way! I notice a difference in personality too.
obelisk420: Sounds like a “dad bod” to me, which tons of people are attracted to. I mean, Leonardo DiCaprio has a dad bod and people find him attractive.
hdawn517: Dad bods dont feel weird.
sholbyy: A preference and a fetish are not necessarily the same thing. I’m typically more attracted to dark haired men with facial hair, but this does not mean dark haired men with facial hair are a fetish of mine. And even if it was a fetish, it certainly is not strange. Lots of people are attracted to huskier men or women, myself included. It makes the cuddles even more cuddly. :3
J03SChm03OG: I read comments like this all the time but I have never met a single solitary woman in person who thinks that way. So I’m still looking but I kinda feel like they are very rare. I’m a romantic so I’ll keep looking but I’m not holding my breath.
Thesmalllebowski67: Not a fetish at all. You have your preference and you are owning it.
And it’s not great of your friends to make you feel that way. Not at all. You should be proud of your love for men like that.
I’m a chubbier guy, stocky build and average height. My preference is short petite girls. I’ve had people criticise me for this, for different reasons. But I know what I like. Nothing to be ashamed of
remixedasain: I had the same deal when I was younger. Just shrug it off, honestly, people like what they like and if you are all keen for guys who carry extra weight then yeah, that’s the type you like.
I have dated many guys in my past and I have always felt the happiest and safest being with a larger man, hence I married one 🙂 many of my friends are the same. The one friend from school who looks for men with specific features (i.e. six pack) is single and keeps getting screwed over by men who treat her poorly (- not to say all men with six packs treat women poorly, its just the men she has been dating).
GuitarGuru253: My GF used to get shit from her friends for dating me (total dashing dad-bod) but she likes what she likes. Needless to say she doesn’t associate with them much anymore (not because of me saying anything, just that she didn’t like them anyways I guess). I’ve never been “thin” per say but not obese either, like the doc says I’ve got the pizza slice “V” body but you can definitely tell I like pizza, maybe too much. I’m comfortable in my body but doing what I can to stay healthy and active so it’s not like I’m a slob or anything. That in itsself seems to weird people our but oh well.
TL;DR: Am fat, GF is way outta my league but finds me attractive so don’t feel like you’re weird for liking what you like.
That was a total ramble and I appologize
hthai: Look at the guys who like big women. It’s even a porn category, BBW. I guess it’s a fetish but that seems more loaded with other connotations than just liking guys with a bit of meat on the bone.
theDJsavedmylife: Men around the world find curvy and soft women preferable to some other ‘typical’ standards of beauty. Women can too.
I never thought about women’s own preferences, but I know I assumed for a long time that all women liked the type they were ‘supposed to’, and I believed I was not in that category.
It changed when a lady treated me and my body like it was perfect, and I realized I’d been wrong all along.
I think it comes down to owning your desires and treating the person you love with care.
thrownitallout: It’s not a fetish at all – it’s just different from what’s traditionally portrated as attractive, and that’s okay. You like who you like.
Source: used to think I was in the same boat as your friends, current partner is similar in build to what you consider ideal and I love him for it.
koko0210: I’m a model and my hubby is the opposite. He’s been curvy from day one I set eyes on him. My friends use to judge me.
Some of them thought it was a self confidence thing.
But the truth is I’m attracted to some but of chubbiness .
My ex lost all of his weight after we broke up. Years later he couldn’t wait to show me his new bod . I was a bit disappointed although he looked like a rock star.
Schnauzerbutt: A fetish is something you need for sexual gratification, what you’re describing is a preference and a pretty normal one at that. My bf has some weight on him and I think he’s incredibly attractive, I’ve never really been overly interested in body builder or heart throb types and tend not to notice them. I also prefer guys with long hair, but I still find my bf attractive with short hair because it’s not a fetish. It’s just something that catches my eye.
therobohour: Look if your friends are 18 and you are 18 you don’t know shit. That’s fine,take your time, be comfortable, and don’t worry about you dumb teenage friends. It’s up to you to find what you like, and speaking as a 33 year old,life’s about learning. Just be yourself and forget what ever one else thinks. We’re all just walking our own path
Altostratus: It’s funny, literally the last post I read on this sub was a girl going on about how she loves chubby guys. And the comments were full of people in agreement..So, no, you aren’t alone. Everyone is attracted to different things. Unfortunately, at your age, it is very common for people to be inexperienced and hold certain beliefs about what society deems attractive, without much introspection into what they actually desire for themselves.
Swampwich: Girl, I like a big cuddly bear too! Forget that hard or bony dudes. No offense intended to anyone. The point is what you like is what you like. It may change over the years somewhat but do you honey boo.
boochix: I really like thicker guys, with beards, hairy chests and for some reason, the nerdier the better.
I don’t know what it is, but if he starts getting excited about train simulator and Dungeons and Dragon’s then I am totally there.
I don’t think that’s a fetish though, just a preference, however some of my friends joke I have a “neckbeard” fetish.
Reipan-51-50: My ex is into “normal” guys. Guys that aren’t fat perse but aren’t skinny or muscular either. It’s just her preference, not a fetish or anything. If your friends are making fun of you for it, or anything like that, then they aren’t really your friends.
TinyCynner: You are not weird. Dad bods are sexy. Husky men are sexy. Hell, I even like obese guys. You are not the only one, and I wouldn’t consider it a fetish.
WutsaPotato: Own it! Those guys need love too. I’m really into guys that look nerdy
Lilkko: Tell your friends to fuck off.
RedMushtoom: That isn’t a fetish. You’re normal. Your friends are bowing to peer pressure. The fact is that most women prefer a bit of a teddy bear kind of guy.
RichardsLeftNipple: As long as your preferences are sane and don’t cause you frustration. Then there is nothing wrong with them.
I like the idea of being lazy in love. Love is hard enough to find. Let’s not make it impossible with limiting expectations and preferences that don’t exist in abundance. Be attracted to what’s attracted to you. And you’ll find it easy.
BassAddictJ: Don’t ever change.
Codeegirl: I love the “dad bod.” It’s a thing that I didn’t know about until I was probably 20. You do you!!
AnnyongSaysHello: As a young dumbass, I always figured if a girl liked bigger guys it was because she was big herself, or she had some weird ‘I like to keep the unattractive guy under my thumb’ thing going on. Then I realized I don’t find bombshells or supermodels all that attractive and get really turned on by the girl next door.
Don’t listen to other people when it comes to personal preference. There’s a strong chance they are ignorant little shits.