Men with female partners: How do you feel about bold tactics by women, like calling you into the bedroom while openly masturbating and asking for “help”?
I can see where (to some) this may have the opposite effect, whether it just feels too much like a porn script, or is too demanding or some other similar hangup. Otherwise, there’s an assumption that brazen behavior like this is more often positively received. So if your female partner just really wants some attention from you, how would you feel about this, uh, strategy? If you’re not into it, what’s off-putting about it, and how would you prefer she approach it?
Update: This got way more replies than I expected. Thanks for all the input. I’m a bit surprised by the idea that a woman would pull this immediately after having a fight, however. This seems like such a bizarre response to fighting. My initial and personal feelings were along the lines of feeling quite scripted, but if this served as a poll, I think it’s safe to say the majority would not be upset.
littlenid: My boyfriend actually told me yesterday how happy he is that I initiate often and never play games about it. Even when he is not in the mood he really likes to feel desired and to know how much I want to have sex with him.
Stridercal: Bold and confident is hot. Always.
MrFreespirited: I would welcome it. My problem is that my wife doesnt do anything, just says, “are we not having sex?”
justagal_008: Provided he wasn’t in the middle of doing anything important, I think a little sexy time will always be pretty high on a man’s list of do-to’s. Not to mention he might not always like to be the one initiating – it’ll show how much you’re into him and enjoy your moments if you open the door for him to.
Now if you’re worried about sounding too pushy, which I also think guys would find refreshing/enticing, you can try subtler messages. Once my man was online with his friends playing something and I was on his bed. I found a random porn video and turned it up just enough for him to hear the moans, and brought my vibrator out. When he looked over, he was like “are you kidding me??” I made direct eye contact and motioned him over. It was great to watch him squirm for the remainder of the match and keep looking at me instead of his game. Out of the blue, he told his friends he would be right back, muted his mic, and pounced on me. ;p
RagingClitGasm: I think it probably depends on your partner’s sex drive. I’m a woman who uses tactics like that and initiates a lot in general, and my partners with high sex drives have all absolutely LOVED it. My one ex with a low sex drive despised it and compared it to sexual assault. So, ymmv.
Jbl1234: As a male with a female partner, I’m deeply offended by the expectation that I would jump at the command.
Nah! That shit is awesome. I LOVE IT when she flashes me, asks for help, grinds her butt into me, tells me how wet she is, or grabs my . If she were to be masturbating in front of me like that, I would probably just liquify into semen.
lur77: Just last night..
Her: “Do you have a condom?”
Me: “I think so. In my bag.”
Her: “Can you put it on and then fuck me?”
I like that she was very clear about her intentions. I don’t like gray areas so much.
enjoyoutdoors: Depends on what you want to say,
– come here and watch!
– look! all wet. get in!
– I could use a tongue too now!
I’m more in favor of the last two than the first, since I would be…pretty keen on finding my place in your joy, if that makes sense.
quickpeeks: I think it’s super hot. Would be a real turn-on for me.
_JeanGenie_: As a woman who used to do shit like that, it’s only appreciated by guys with a high sex drive. Current boyfriend really doesn’t like to be pressured like that to perform.
MateusSwipes: Funny you should ask. My GF was rather shy (sexually), when we started dating. She was very quiet and passive, in the bedroom. She wasn’t comfortable answering questions about what she preferred, or what turned her on, or even saying, “Do you want to have sex?”
Fast forward a couple months, and she meets me at my place, after I just got back to town after a long trip for work. She settles herself onto the couch, while I go to rinse the road off of me. Just as I pop back out to ask what she wants to do for food, I find the little minx stretched out, reading a book, in nought but her lacy black knickers.
Needless to say it was a power move, and I had no choice but to eat that box before it got cold.
Sneeko: My wife doesn’t masturbate. At all. She says she’s just never had an interest in it. I personally don’t understand how that’s possible, but whatever.
Because of this, it’s actually been a longtime fantasy of mine to come home from work one day, to find her doing exactly this. It’d drive me absolutely goddamned wild. Thing is, I’ve never told her this because, well… then if it happened, it’d feel “forced” or something, I don’t know. I want it to happen naturally, so I knew it was genuine and not just because I wanted it, if that makes sense.
specialPonyBoy: Erect. I feel erect about that.
LaDrezz: It’s hot. Would fuck.
SkySix: I love it. I love getting to see my wife enjoying herself, I love watching her be turned on by whatever it is she’s doing/watching/thinking about. I just generally love seeing my wife happy. If she wants me to watch, or wants me to help, or wants me to jump in all the way… well that just makes me even more lucky I guess 🙂
savage_slurpie: I get super turned on when women aren’t so subtle about it. I sometimes don’t pick up on the subtle hints, and it’s great when she just grabs me by the shoulders and tells me to fuck her now.
ThrowawayS3xAccount: I genuinely cannot imagine this possibly having a negative outcome. The worst it would be is that he’s just not in the mood in general. But if my wife did that I’d be at her side (or on top, or underneath, or face between thighs) in an instant. This isn’t even that big of a power play. This is just a hot-as-fuck demonstration of being wanted.
helloWorld-1996: Hmmm. – I think the central element here is this;
If she does it in a way that makes me feel like she wants me, I absolutely love it.
If she does it in a way that just seems like she wants to get off, and I’m just a tool, it makes me feel a little bad.
It’s not like I really experience the second scenario, ever, but the way you phrased your original post could, depending on a few factors, seem that way. And of course it needs to be so that your partner is always comfortable saying no if he doesn’t feel up for it.
But yeah, be as aggressive as you want is what I say. Walk up to him, hammer him against a wall, say “I want you to take me” and make out with him. As long as he knows he can say “Can we play later?” and it’s OK, this would be amazing I’d say
Coidzor: > **Men with female partners: How do you feel about bold tactics by women, like calling you into the bedroom while openly masturbating and asking for “help”?**
Not sure if I’d call that bold, exactly, but there’s generally a fine line between doing that and it being hot and doing that and it just coming off as imperious and demanding, based upon exactly what she says and the tone of voice, etc.
Depending upon the context of the particular relationship, of course.
farmergrrrlxxx: On a similar note, instead of asking, what do you think my boyfriend would think if I starting masturbating in a place I know he’ll find me (for example, I’d be in the bedroom already masturbating around the time he comes back from work)? Would that be hot or weird?
GreaterHorniedApe: I would 99% of the time be happy to lie down and have a kiss and a fondle while she masturbates, and most of the time that would evolve in to something more but not necessarily. Rather than being called in, I’ve walked in on my girlfriend masturbating a number of times in the past.
I think being called in specifically would be cool, but not if it was for a demand to perform. I find being put on the spot uncomfortable. I wouldn’t mind if she was screaming her head off about how horny she was, as long as it wasn’t actually a requirement that I immediately rip of my clothes and go in deep.
contraphd: Yes, please!!
camm131986: I would love if this happened more often than it does.
kkrrp1: My girl does this a lot. It’s awesome.
sev45day: Conceptually, this is awesome, but as you rightly point out it really does depend on the execution. Some men are turned on by the demanding type, others are not, and situation has to be right.
For me, an approach that included “I want you so bad” instead of “Service me. NOW!” would work far better.
Jimsonian: LOL! My wife showed me this post because this exact thing happened to us last night! It wasn’t a tactic, it just kinda happened that way. I walked into our bedroom and I found her jilling off while watching lesbian porn on our cellphone. She said, “Get over here”. I told her to keep watching her porn while I ate her to an orgasm, after that, we fucked until the sun came up. It was a good night. And, by the way, for people down on marriage—we’ve been married a long time, have had threesomes with another woman, and have sex at least once a day, sometimes twice. Yesterday was a threefer! There’s nothing wrong with marriage to the right woman. It can be endlessly hot.
LittleBlueBabies: Going on my main because there is no shame in saying that this would be incredibly fucking hot. Shit likt that is so attractive because for me it tells me they’re very comfortable with me and also, they don’t mind taking the reigns every so often.
Masseter42: I love it.
shadoxalon: It takes a lot of guesswork out of the equation, that’s for sure. Honestly though a move like this will depend on y’all’s sexual dynamic. Who has the higher libido? Who initiates more? What roles do you both usually take in the bedroom?
You may want to preface the first try with a bit more than “help” (so he doesn’t construe it wrong), but being sexually forward in a relationship is seen as a general positive in women. Just don’t make it a big deal if he doesn’t always say yes.
iggybdawg: I’d feel like I’d died and gone to heaven, but my partner has a responsive sex drive: she never spontaneously desires sex, but always enjoys it when it happens. I’m bearing the burden of being the only initiator.
suchadirtyacct: “It’s a bold strategy Cotton, let’s see if it pays off-”
“Oh holy shit it paid off extremely well, better than anything I’ve ever seen in my life”
paperandfireworks: I just tell my husband, “I’m horny so I’m going to the bedroom to play. You’re welcome to join me if you like.” I do that instead of asking for sex because I’m tired of being turned down….and he almost never chooses to join me. What he does do is barge in and start talking to me about things like finances or the kids schedule, completely ignoring what I’m doing. We finally settled that he is required to knock first and check before coming in, if he knows that’s what I’m doing. And preferably only knock if there is something urgent; we had to discuss what actually counts as “urgent.”
However, I think a lot of men would love the tactic you’re describing. Basically most men who have an average-to-high sex drive and not a lot of issues around sex. My husband just isn’t one of those men.
FredMcFapper: Please do. I am so tired of being the only one to ever start sex.
sexytimeinseattle: ITT: a lot of assumptions that men, as a rule, are always ready to go.
While that may indeed be *generally* true, it’s not always true for a variety of factors. If you dont believe me, head over to /r/DeadBedrooms for a bit.
runnfree1: To me, it would all be about the lead up. If we had been fighting, I would feel manipulated, and a little pissed off. If we had been flirting, heading that way, and that was the move that finalized things, it would be AWSOME.
MajIssuesCaptObvious: I welcome it 100%, but I learned there’s one thing I don’t like because it’s too harsh and non-sensual: walking in on a woman with her legs wide open and a smile on her face. I prefer that she be masturbating, or rubbing herself sensually, or pretending like she’s reading a book in something simple but sexy, like thongs or boyshorts. I just find it more tempting that way.
AZflyer92: I think it’s super hot. I’ve told her, “if I walk in from work and catch you playing with yourself, it’s on”. I think it’s because it’s different, a woman who knows what she wants and when she wants it.
sexytimeinseattle: The biggest turn off for me, as a male, would be assuming that since she’s ready that I should be ready too.
yes, we all know the canard that men will fuck anything at any time. Sometimes that’s true. Sometimes it’s not true. And sometime we don’t want it to be true even if it is.
So while directness is often welcomed because it’s hard to mistake it, be prepared that you might actually be turned down. And if you take it personally it will go badly.
flowerdeliveryboy: Something along those lines, if not that exact scenario, would be like a dream come true. lol
TwoBitGaston: I have a higher libido than my partner and I’m generally the one to initiate. If she did this I’d go fucking bonkers for it.
Squabbling_meatflaps: Ive been asking for this for a while now and she is working towards it but I know it makes her feel vulnerable and self conscious. So while I am encouraging it im not pushing her too hard to do it.
tat2d777: Ive had my wife walk up and tell me under her breath say “meet me in the bedroom so you can fuck my ass”. I couldn’t have ran into the room any quicker. She’s called me in to drop to her knees and perform (and I do mean perform) oral on me. It’s such a turn on. I love to actually have a partner that enjoys, wants and even asks for sex. There are times she’ll tell me she just needs a minute to herself to get herself off. Someone in another comment said it best it’s who you marry. My ex… never in a million years. Her parents were the same way. It was monkey see monkey do. Sex was a weapon. I’m so thankful for the way my current wife is.
sexyson91: When i was with this teen mom once, she was very initiative with me in the bedroom more than 80% of the time. I liked it. I found it more of a turn on than a turn off. In my opinion, it does have a lot to do with boldness and just showing she wants attention especially when i know she genuinely wants. That’s what is more attractive to me.
She once told me while we were holding each other (while both on our feet in the kitchen)…said in a sigh: **oh fuck me**. i told her you’re only allowed to say that in the bedroom. so she led me to the bedroom and she said it again…things just happened from there. Our sex life was amazing. the biggest factor i will miss about her and i….and her in general. our relationship might have failed…but the sex life (as much as i wish would have liked to have stayed FWB or something), was beyond incredible. I would take her back if things were still mutual between us.
Caldwing: This would be straight awesome to me. It would never happen in my relationship though. My sex drive is so high that she pretty much literally never wants *more* attention. Like she just has to stretch with her tits out, or accidentally spread her legs a bit and I am pretty much immediately a hound.
ragefillednotions: 100% positive reaction. My current SO doesn’t really do the whole foreplay thing and it’s kind of a mood killer. A lot of times it’s just “want to fool around?” then she’s naked. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it but it takes a lot of the anticipation out of it.
Kevscum: In my wet dreams
Medicore95: I’m sure everyone here would hate your for it, call you disgusting and throw you out of the house because those are freshly clean sheets god damnit.
joes_skywalker: To me that is incredibly enticing. Not sure why anyone would be turned off by something like that unless they feel a need to always be the dominant one by always being the instigator.
Something along these lines: I had an ex take the day off and start sexting me while I was at work. I got so worked up I left early and raced over to her place. She buzzed me in and I found her playing with her toys and inviting me to come help. It was a very erotic thing to experience in real life. We had a lot of fun that afternoon.
If that happened eveytime I had sex with a partner, I don’t think I would mind.
fboomboom: I would absolutely love it. I can’t speak to all women, but most that i’ve been with have been super coy towards initiating sex. This is only helped along by my undying want for sex, so they don’t often have to try much.
However, what makes this coy-ness a negative is my obliviousness. There have been plenty of times i’ve turned over and passed out only to find in the morning that she wanted to have a romp. It would help, if just once, it was obvious and right in front of me. And thats before we talk about how sexy a woman taking charge and being decisive is.
jedbalzot: I would love for this to happen to me. Been married for almost 30 years and the bedroom has been basically dead for the last 15 to 20 years. I’ve tried to talk to her about it and come up with ideas to spice it up but I do all the work and get very little participation on her end. I guess I could use some ideas to try and change this situation but I’m thinking it won’t ever change.
DonLaFontainesGhost: It depends – is my wife home, and is she invited as well?
AnthroBlues: Fem partner: Honey, can you come here for a sec.
M Partner: *goes to bedroom* yeah, what’sup *see the scene*
FP: Can you… help me with th…
MP: *not even waiting for her to finish her sentence, goes to the bed and eat that pussy*
It’s a simple scenario.