Women in long term relationships/married, how do you prefer your partner instigate sex?
Looking for suggestions to keep things fun without adding guilt and pressure to mismatched sexual needs.
whiskey_pants: I am high libido, so I may be a little slanted that way in thinking…but I also sometimes wonder if I am truly higher libido than others or if my Dh is just really great at keeping me happy, so it keeps that fire stoked.
So I am not sure if it helps, but what works for me overall isn’t even sexy. I want interaction. I want him to hear me when I talk and feel like I am heard. I want him to drop me a text or email a few times a day, just checking in, asking how I am doing, telling me how his day is, doesn’t need to be in depth. I need him to be very open and honest with me, share when he is stressed or anxious and overwhelmed. I need compliments here and there, but in particular, things about sex. I need him to tell me that I am gorgeous, that I still make his heart skip a beat when I drop my dress and I need him to be vocal during sex so I can feel like I know what he is enjoying, etc. If all that is going on, he can just ask me to come to bed and it’s on. I don’t need rose petals leading the way and that would never work well if the rest was missing. Doing things the way he does, I am always in the mood and very willing to stay up late, wake up early, do whatever to have more time having sex.
roconfused: In a long term mismatched relationship its a lot harder and requires a lot more finesse. You need to figure out what she values and focus on that. Does she value romance, gifts, affection, compliments, alone time (yes for some people alone time can get you laid later). Start in advance and small them build it up. This IS foreplay, just like physical foreplay knowing their buttons and staying sorely before you just start spanking their ass.
I’ll use an old failed relationship as an example of what not to do. My ex used to try to ply me with gifts, and going shopping. I like gifts and shopping. He had money, I did not. BUT I do not get any kind of sexual, or romantic feelings from it. I feel like expecting sex from gifts is like a sugar daddy at best and prostitute at worst. I know some people this works for, but not me. Maybe your partner likes their toes being sucked on, well not me.
Another past relationship but he was good at seduction, a what to do. I personally respond well to affection. He would plan a normal boring day of errands but would start the day with light touches on my lower back, holding my hand ect. As the day went he would increase the touching to his arm around me, long deep kisses, holding the nape of my neck, and basically always touching me at least a little. By the time we got back home from errands I was ready to get out of my clothes for more touching 😉 without him having to get explicit.
luckycharms4life: My husband likes to leave lingerie out when I take an evening shower. I don’t like it. Lmao
I like when he’s affectionate and it leads to kissing and then sex.
ElectricSwine: I’m a dude, but text her throughout the day and let her know you’re thinking about her and start with that.
ak_hepcat: My wife and i work in the same building, now, after 5 years of separate locations.
She likes little reminders during the day, a casual touch, or light kiss, something that isn’t overt but is a reminder of affection and caring, and a way to build up tension over the day.
So… i just sent her a meeting request, for a 5-minute meeting, to meet me in the stairwell on her floor, for “stealing a smooch”
she hasn’t accepted the meeting yet. 🙁
throwaway_nightgown: I like when my husband pokes me with his dick when spooning me. In fact, I don’t really give a crap how he starts it as long as I’m getting some. I try to be good and cute all day to make sure sexy times happen at night.